.png)
"But he seems like a great guy on paper! What if he turns out to be a HVM and I miss the chance because I don't go 50/50 or sleep with him on the first date?"
✒️ First of all, no healthy sane masculine HVM will act like that. HVM is not just about having money and looks ladies, it is about having integrity, moral, and wanting to put his best foot forward to impress you.
✒️ Women come to FDS asking "How do I avoid wolf in sheep's clothing? How do I spot LVM/NVM disguising as HVM?" - BY CUTTING THEM OFF AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DISRESPECT! No matter how "great" he seems to be, no matter how small the disrespect is.
✒️ You have to let go of the scarcity mindset - yes, HVM may be rare, but the more proficient you are at cutting off toxic men ASAP - the easier it will be to discover genuine HVM down the road.
✒️ To get to quality, you must master the art of decluttering and cutting down the quantity.
✒️ Yes, you may take more time to find your worthwhile relationship as opposed to the woman who marries the first guy she finds - but no woman ever regret taking the time to choose carefully.
✒️ Many regret just jumping into relationship and marriage blindly.
✒️ Yes, I understand that some sisters fear the biological clock. BUT is it really worth it risking your entire life and future kids' life for a guy who might not be what he seems because you didn't take enough time to vet him properly?
✒️ You need to understand that once upon a time, the tradwife woman has to be at her husband's beck and call and be ready to serve his needs 24/7 because of survival.
✒️ Unlike our time, those women risked being actually harmed if they chose to stand up for themselves and leave.
✒️ That's why the original feminists' movement worked so friggin hard at freeing women from those shackles - and as a result, we now enjoy all the freedom our ancestors can only ever dream of.
✒️ And yet, now that we earn our own money and buy our own house - somehow we willingly "shackle" ourselves instead by going 50/50 (or in reality 80/20 or +100/-0) and let the guy move into our house and scrounge from us in the name of "love".
✒️ Don't be fooled, you still let the guy have control over you in a 50/50 relationship - by allowing him the direct and continuous access to you.
✒️ Dear sisters, we all have to understand that we are not men. We do not think like men, we do not feel like men, we do not grow up and perceive the world as men. Our brain are not wired the same way as men.
✒️ We may think that by going 50/50, the man sees it as you having his back, and thus naturally he will have your back. Us against the world right?
✒️ But that thinking is a projection - we project our own belief, hope, desire, fantasy etc. onto a man, and believe that he thinks and feel the same way because he says and do things that align with that projection.
✒️ This is what I believe actually happens when women say they "feel the chemistry/spark" with a guy they barely know.
✒️ And this phenomenon is also why you see a lot of women on relationship sub starting the conversation with "He is great, loving, caring, lights up the room blah blah blah BUT" - and proceed to describe red flags that, in reality are quite hard to miss because they are too damn obvious.
✒️ Like bad hygiene, disgusting body odor, misogynistic attitude, addiction, being lazy and selfish etc. Anybody with functioning eyes can see that the dude is the furthest thing from "great".
✒️ Pickmeishas especially project all of their ideals and fantasies onto the man and see the breadcrumbs as indisputable "proof" that the guy is "great". It is their own fantasy projected onto the relationship, effectively trapping them in their own la la land.
✒️ Meanwhile in reality the red flags start to get really really obvious to the point it disturbs the la la land, yet to their "love-fogged" brain those are just "small errors" that can be easily fixed if they just use the right combination of words and actions.
✒️ So when you go into the relationship thinking that "Doing 50/50 means that we will work as a team!" - take a step back and ask yourself, is that the reality or is that what you think he is based on certain actions and words that align with your hopes and fantasies?
✒️ When you say he has "HVM qualities!" - is that what you concluded after ruthless vetting process over months and done with a cold observing eye, or you said that because he lovebomb you on the first few dates, and you get excited because he "matches" your fantasies?
✒️ And when you think that going 50/50 with a man means that he sees you have his back and thus, he naturally has yours - is that the actual reality or what you hope will be the reality?
✒️ When FDS says "Vet, vet, vet, and let the man pay" - it is not because we want you to be the cold calculating b*tch scheming to dry the man's bank account and left him John Doe-ing by the beach.
✒️ FDS simply wants you to leave that fantasies-projecting mindset at home and put on the scientist glasses - and observe during the duration of the date.
✒️ FDS wants you to see the man for what he truly is, not what you are hoping he is or what he will become.
✒️ Do not be a complicit in leading ourselves into the LVM/NVM trap by gaslighting our own mind. Open your eyes wide and observe a man for what he truly is.
Stay tuned, and stay safe.
hi. can i check which post counters this argument? - a man barely knows you on the first date, in fact he knows little about you. since he hasn’t ascertained your value yet, why must he spend any amount on you beyond a coffee date?