Why does everyone seem to be with a HVM?

I highly doubt that they're actually with a HVM. A lot, if not most people, would never tell an outsider, about the bad behavior of their partner. I'm in my late 30's and while people tell me how great their partner is, I'm not buying it. I've never ever met a HVM in my life. I'm not saying they don't exist, but I doubt that all of your friends are with one.

I don't use social media, but you know the couples who will always post pictures together? The ones who are sooooooo happy? They're anything but happy but they're trying to show the world that they are when they're not.

They will tell you about the HVM traits that he's displaying. But will they also tell you that they have a feeling they're cheating on them, when they're on a business trip etc? I highly doubt it.

We're not part of their relationship, we don't know for sure, if he's actually a HVM. We assume, just like most women in those relationships do. You never fully know a person and what they're thinking or what they do behind your back.

There's not many HVM out there if any...

So, I'd say, concentrate on your masters degree and don't look so much at other people's relationships or just take them with a grain of salt.

Are they really HVM? The likelihood that they all somehow found the perfect men in their mid-20s is extremely low - and I don't mean that in a cynical spinster way, just realistic, lol.

Funny anecdote about "HVM" and weddings: I have a friend who does suit fittings for a high-end designer store. He constantly tells me stories about these successful dudes coming in like a week before their wedding dates - or worse, being dragged there by the fiancée because they kept putting it off until the last minute. Because they don't think it's urgent or a priority. Because they don't care about the wedding. Or they're lazy. Or too busy with work or playing golf. Or whatever.

My point is a lot of guys can trick women into thinking they're HVM, and then completely disappoint them when it matters the most.

You might think you attract awful men, but you just see through them faster than your friends do. If they ever call you picky, that's a big flashing red sign that they settled in some way or another. Also, if they all found "HVM", why haven't they introduced you to any? 🤔 surely they would have hq friends or family in their social circles!

I once read a Facebook post from a woman I vaguely knew via another friend, and it was yet another perfect portrait of her married life and how "blessed" she was... later that day she was sitting behind me in a cafe that was out of town. I only realised it was her when I got up to leave. She had been crying to a friend that her husband had been unfaithful to her, and she was turning a blind eye so that she could keep him. Be very wary of people who tell you that their lives are perfect. The few friends who I know that have very good relationships with HVM men never talk about their relationships with their very nice HV men; they don't have to because there isn't much to talk about because they are happy... If someone is gushing over and over about the good points of their man, it might be because they are trying to ignore the crap bits, of which there might be many. I love that scene in Bridget Jones Diary when she's a single woman at a "smug married couples" dinner, and they are all awful married men; you wouldn't want to be married to one of the horrible, sexist, unkind men who are eyeing Bridget like she's lunch, and that's the whole point of that scene: It IS better to be single than married to an idiot...don't rush to get married. I got married in my thirties having rejected a lot of LVM in my twenties. I found a HVM and we did twenty years and wonderful children together before it gently fell apart. You are young, and bright and have the world at your feet... remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!

I think it is possible that a few of them have struck gold or got lucky and met somebody. I’ve noticed that it will be the people who are socially capable and attractive who pair off quite young; not just due to their attractive qualities but also they have more opportunities for meeting quality people through work. In short, you need to increase the number of men you meet. 

I’ve noticed a trend where amongst these young couples though, a lot of people are having children before getting married which tells me that the man is settling for the woman. Remember that a lot of men's worries are projection. They will sometimes marry whoever happens to be around by a certain age because *they're* the ones who are afraid of hitting the wall. Again, not HVM.

If I had stayed with my ex, he would've posted fake perfect images of us settling down for the sake of having the trophy wife and kids. We would've been accessories. Instead, I'm single and refuse to settle. Do NOT settle. Seriously.

If that happens, he is low value. 

My abusive ex looked like a HVM on the outside and peoople did not know how much I was suffering in the relationship. We rarely know the full story until the relationship is over. I'm not saying all your friends' partners are secretly LV, but some of them probably are. From my own experience, I feel that the likelihood of secret scrotery is higher the flashier a man and the relationship is (because of overcompensation and possibly narcissism). Even if they're actually HV, it's possible they wouldn't be the HVM for YOU. Sometimes when FDSers describe their (dream) partners I think to myself: "yeah, great, but not for me" and I bet others feel the same way when they hear about my partner. Finding your match is hard. High standards can sometimes make you lonely. But being stuck in a unfulfilling relationship is even lonelier. I've never felt so lost and left alone as I did when I was with my ex.

They might be HV. They might not. It's hard to tell from the outside. Focus on your studies, and make time for hobbies and social connections if you can. 26 is young honey, no need to rush. And lose the "low value magnet" mentality. You don't need that self-fulfiling prophecy.

I'm noticing it too; not even one friend I have is single and we're still in our early 20's. All their relationships seem wonderful on social media, their bfs are proposing and planning gateaways and big vacations and writing long ass paragraphs on their posts saying how much they love my friends. What I know is:

🤡 The bf of a friend proposed recently. He watches porn regularly, she says she doesn't mind. I took the time to check his ig following and it was no surprise to find many ig model accounts (models that look nothing like my friend, btw).

🤡 The friend who went on a trip with her 'so wonderful' bf had to pay half of everything. Her bf even lent her money and she's still, to this day, paying him back. She says she's independent and strong and doesn't need her bf to pay for her stuff.

🤡 Another friend is about to move in with her bf thinking that she's got an upgrade when in reality, she's up to be the mommy-bang-maid of this dude.

We're all sold romantic fantasies since we're little girls and when we see other women living those fantasies, we feel bad about ourselves. We think we're missing out (socialization is a bitch, isn't it?) My point is: even if they're happy at the moment with their relationships, the guys aren't HV. HVM aren't abundant, we all know it, and just because someone is getting married, buying a house or expecting a baby DOES NOT mean they're in a healthy and happy relationship. I'd rather be single than in my friends' shoes. Also, do you know what will never lie to you, betray you or hurt you? Yup, your master's degree! Go get it girl!

I thought my little sister finally married a HVM back in 2014. He may be rich, but he's stingy with everything from money to affection. He lied to her and never told her about a son he'd had whilst in high school. He made a will up before the got married that excluded her from everything and left his estate to his brothers, their wives, and his stepdaughter. He then told my sister to quit her job so that they could have children, and he proceeded to refuse to have sex with her for 4 years. He'd stay up all night playing video games to avoid her. Then she finally divorced her, and he said the 7 years they'd been together was worth $10K even though he's a millionaire. She's now almost 45 years old with no children. He was financially and emotionally abusive to her during the marriage. This is a couple you'd think was amazingly happy, yet they are not. My sister is so beautiful that men follow her everywhere she goes, yet she (and I) always meet @ssholes. The guy before this hit her so hard that he broke her teeth and set her up to be date raped with rohypnol. If there are good men in this world, I do not know where they could possibly be.

The ones who marry supposed HVM in their 20s are often divorced in their 30s. Usually the men seem high value until the kids come along at which point the scrotety emerges.

Setting aside all the excellent points that other ladies made about smoke and mirrors making these other men seem HV… Comparing yourself to other women is not HV. It suggests low self-esteem and a poor sense of self. My advice is to cultivate your own passions, hobbies, goals, and successes. Do not focus on other people’s relationships when they are unknowable from the outside. And when a man comes into your life, vet him nonstop and remove him from your life the moment he shows a hint of being LV. In this way, you continue to level up to be a strong, confident HVW with the best position from which to attract and vet suitors ❤️

We have a terrible culture there is no doubt about it. Something like 98 percent of men watch porn? What kind of respect is a man going to have for women when he watches them dehumanized and degraded for Pleasure. there are men out there who are not that way, I’m older than you and the one thing I think I would say is this. Getting ‘stuck’ with the LVM is a serious issue because any time with a LVM has you off the market and occupied. So make sure you STAY single so when that HVM comes along you aren’t taken. I spent so much time in my 20s off the market with men that were not right for me. I’m sure if I’d been single I would’ve run into a good one By now. Also, unfortunately I think bars and online dating are absolute no’s. So much preying on women happens there. It’s normal to Desire love and a relationship, its not fair women are stuck with porn sick pieces of trash so often, but porn sick pieces of trash cannot occupy any amount of time from you, it exasturbates the problem by blocking you from finding someone you can build with.

Everyone in my circle is also getting married, but they talk about their relationships and they are super mediocre.

Seconding what other posters have said about you not really knowing what the relationship is like from the outside. Additionally, these sayings would be helpful to keep in mind:

"All that glitters is not gold."

and

"That which enchants, also deceives."