Why a shortage of Mr Rights means single mothers hold the key to the falling birthrate

I think it's actually true that married women in HEALTHY marriages are as happy as single women- which makes a lot of sense.

There was a Ted talk I saw on this, but it only quantified it by married and still together vs divorced vs single. Since self-sufficiency and learning new skills were so crucial to happiness, single people as a group rated the highest. So if you find yourself in a situation where you get to have new experiences, learn and practice skills, that sort of thing, it shouldn't matter whether that's with someone else. You'd be a part of the happiest demographic. (It was definitely missing a gender split to it)

Less people means less consumption, which is better for the environment.

Please don't take this to mean I believe in forced sterilization (I don't) or limiting child policies like how it used to be in China. Lower birth rates are a consequence of industrialization and female empowerment. And I am all for it.

I 100% agree with you, but look at Japan. So many old people that the free healthcare system will soon break due to no bedside nurses or young peoples taxes to fund. So yes, while I see your point about patricapitalism, there are some legit reasons for worry

It's a legitimate concern, but adding more people to keep it going wouldn't really solve the core problem, it would just kick the can down the road so some later generation will be dealing with the same problem, but worse, because they would have a larger total number of old people to take care of.

Edited to add: If a country is not spending as much as it used to on childcare, there's resources available - resources that can be used for elder care. It can balance out. But it is different from how things have always been, so it takes some adjusting for people to wrap their heads around it.

I totally agree, and I tend to see it as two things happening at once.

1. women like me who would never have wanted to have children now have an actual choice, so the numbers are falling down to what they’d be if women and girls had always had reproductive control of our own bodies.

2. Women are aware of how shit of a deal it is to partner with a man and have children, when the man isn’t willing to be an equitable parent, and now have the choice to decide that even if they might have wanted children, it’s not realistic because the sacrifice they would have to make and risk they would have to take is too great.
   

Patriarchy is indeed backfiring, and many many men are freaking out. Ya gotta find it just a little funny!

I believe that there is no "falling birth rates". It's just that the amount of women who want to have children is now visible.

I’ve been saying this publicly anytime the subject comes up, and it never fails to make people stop and think, especially when I add that in another time or another place, I wouldn’t be able to make my choice to be childfree either.

Yes, thanks for explaining the work climate. It’s a moving target in America at least I don’t know about other places but I have a very hard time balancing things.

I have limited hours that I can work and no matter how I arrange it with her father, I can’t keep up with employers demands. I miss out on a lot of money from not being able to do things last minute, or I miss out on time with my daughter because of having to commit to a longer day to even be able to be hired to be on for that day.

I work in personal services and a skilled profession and do a hybrid of self-employed(not consistent) and an employer(consistent, but pays less and you don’t get to just schedule things yourself) and if you only have like 30 hours a week to work then it needs to be consistent. It is not and I lose out on a lot but it also doesn’t work for me to be basically on call for an employer all the time on their hours either. then sometimes I really need more money and pick up a retail

or restaurant seasonal job and that makes life much more stressful and complicated for a few months. It is very hard to schedule and manage time but money is the thing that you really need in life and I feel like a slave to it. I wish I could focus on parenting and not have to focus on money for survival so much.

I think it is like this pretty much everywhere if you are a working parent, especially if you are a working single parent.

In a time where employers expect and demand more and more flexibility you are always at a disadvantage if you are not entirely in charge of you own schedule because you have a child you need to take care of and look out for. Even if you have people you can ask to babysit, you (and they) need time to plan ahead and short notice changes will very likely not work.

Spontaneously come to work earlier or stay later? Not going to happen if your kid's daycare has fixed hours and there is nobody else to bring them or pick them up.

Going on a business trip or a weekend seminar on short notice? Not going to happen if you can't arrange childcare.

Going to that non-mandatory after work event where all the important networking happens? How, if there's nobody to watch your kid during that time?

Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective and experience. I’m way introverted and likely somewhere on the spectrum so I totally understand the struggle to build connections! As a childfree woman I’m not sure where my place is in helping women in circumstances like yours, but I’m going to keep pushing towards those goals of building community to support women like you. You deserve to have real options and real help, and women are strongest together!!