Where does FDS stand when it comes to stay at home fathers?

Like anything else it's up to personal preference but I am very strongly against it. Such a large part of why I think it's totally justified for women to be stay at home mothers is because we go through pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum and breastfeeding. It's very hard to work while pregnant/postpartum (can testify to this as currently working at 7m pregnant 😅) and almost impossible if breastfeeding (you become a 24/7 pumping station & it's even harder than nursing). Being a stay at home dad you don't deal with any of the hardest parts of motherhood, you just watch the kids and house while your wife goes through it all- while also being the sole provider.

I also believe we have a biological connection & maternal instinct towards our children that is not comparable to fathers or any other caregivers. Yes (some) fathers are capable of looking after their children, but they can't replace or do it as well as a mother. Did you know that globally children whose mothers die when they are young are much less likely to survive to adulthood even if their fathers live, whereas there is negligible difference to children if their fathers die? To me that just shows the unique connection mothers have to their children and the way that they prioritise them when others don't. I don't think having a stay at home parent is necessary for children but if you're going to have one, the father is an inferior choice 😂

Also men are lazy and just don't invest as much in housework and homemaking as women typically do. Even if they cover the basics, they won't be doing as much as a woman in almost every case. And plenty of them do very little and leave it to their wives after they come home from work. My dad stayed at home for many years, after we were already in school (no way he could have handled caring for us in the early years- my mum did that). He did the basics of housework but ignored the little/extra things and did nothing with/for my siblings and I. Really he was just too lazy and severely anti-social to work & my mum enabled him.

I guess it depends on the situation but I really don’t like it. Why? I guarantee he isn’t doing nowhere as much as the mother does. I was kinda mean on Preddit to this scrote who had a wife that was working 7 months pregnant with twins they have a 1 year old and 2 year old. He was whining that people said he was unmasculine. I inboxed him and told him he was lazy and he should be ashamed that he wasn’t providing for his family! That it is bullshit that his wife had her babyhood stolen away by him! It’s not right that she is suffering with having twins and he sits his ass at home. I don’t know about y’all but I highly doubt she wants to be the bread winner right now. I said because of you she won’t see them babies say their first words, first steps or anything because she will be at work. Of course he is a little b!tch and cried to Preddit I was harassing him well, I mean I was 😂 but in my defense it was well needed! He needed someone to not pet him and tell him it’s perfectly fine him stay home and her with her poor back and swollen legs and feet having to provide, can’t even rest. I got a three day suspension for three days. I just really don’t believe it in. My ex husband stayed at home and it was really hard on me I really resented that he wasn’t a provider. I was forced to work or hustle while he just watched instead of helping me. I was on my own. Then he wouldn’t clean or anything so I still had to come home and do everything else. It was work then on my off days when I should be resting I have to work in the house. I wondered why I was so exhausted constantly. If you’re married he can get alimony or palimony too so he can screw you that way. I just want a man that his natural instinct and nature is to be a provider. I doubt a man can be a stay at home dad and be a provider, not unless his wife was ill and had to step into that role. I am saying he wouldn’t try to b7e in that role.

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Edit: was I wrong to tell him off? I felt like he just wanted everyone to agree with him so whenever someone would say something he can pull out his phone and show them how many people agree with him. He should know that he is doing his wife dirty. He knows of course he just didn't think he would be called out on his bullshit!

If it’s the woman’s choice and the father is actually stepping up and taking care of the children and the household, sure I don’t see a problem with it. But I’ve never witnessed a single example of that in real life so I guess it’s just a theory for now

I've never felt good about the idea of a stay at home father. For some couples it works if the woman is earning much more than her partner and it makes more financial sense for the man to watch the kids. Personally it's not something I would want for myself.

I think hv men can be stay at home fathers but that is such a small fraction it’s almost negligible. I recall other FDS members here gave such examples. Wonderful, but very rare. For instance, where the woman is doing work with such far reaching impact- scientist, president etc then it’s a mark of good character to support her. What I’ve noticed though, are in the instances where these men stepped up…(or down) they were ordinarily on an upward trajectory themselves with a healthy degree of ambition and self sufficiency, but are also highly adaptable, far from chauvinistic and could see the bigger picture. An example is President Jacinda Ardern whose husband does this. And Obama seems like the type who would’ve stepped back if Michelle had grander ambitions.

I think it can work in theory. But most men will just sit around and be lazy when it comes to child care and housework. They’ll probably still do everything just half assed. but if you do find a HVM and in your situation it makes sense that he becomes the stay at home parent then it would work. But you have to find a man that will be able to step up to that

The majority of men aren't cut out to be stay-at-home-dads because they weren't "trained" like women. They won't cook, they won't clean, they won't take care of the garden, they won't plan and schedule social events, they won't even look after the children particularly well. They'll stick the kid in front of the TV or in the crib and then do whatever they want to do.

I think a small minority of men can be wonderful stay at home dads; packing everyone's lunches, scheduling appointments, and so on....but honestly, I'd rather not take the risk of marrying someone who voices that he wants to do that, because there's a 99% chance he's just lazy, and also a high probability he'll cheat because he's feels "emAsCuLaTEd" since I would be the primary breadwinner.

Most women have evolved enough to take a "man's role" or a "woman's role" in the relationship, so to speak. Most men haven't. Acting in a "womanly" capacity just inflates any sort of insecurities or entitlement (to be served, like a prince(cess)) they already had.

In conclusion: no grown ass man is going to be unemployed in my home.*

*exceptions: old age, illness, being laid off (but actively job-hunting)

It's a huge risk for a woman. If she gets divorced, she risks the father getting more custody of the children, because he'll be considered the primary caregiver. This is not really the case with stay at home moms, though - they'll get 50/50 because father's rights. She'll also have to pay child support and spousal.

I agree with many of the people here that I guess it does depend. Personally growing up as “masculina” I have no desire to be married to a SAHD. If we do end up having children I want to be able to work part-time-daycare or nanny on the days that I am working and be with my children on my off day. I don’t want to be the “breadwinner” while he sits his arse at home. Personally this is a vetting strategy for me to see how ambitious he is as I want to be with a man who is working hard to provide for our family. I want to relax during that time of being pregnant/post-partum but at the same time keeping up with my career and keeping my financial independence too.

Theoretically all seems plausible but if we see the ground reality... it's just safer to not test that out...

My dad was for a time, didn't neglect me, cooked lunch, picked me up from school every day, had an active role in making sure I get a good education however he was still LVM despite having various degrees, consulting biz, money etc. My 2 cents are it depends still. There's plenty of aspects to vet your potential partner and if he's SAHD or not is just one of them. I would trade a lot to have parents that aren't narcissistic assholes.

I once got a message from SAHD on OLD. Apparently they were poly 🤣 How many SAHMs do you think have time and motivation to message on OLD?

Nop … he needs to be the provider for me.

I was in a relationship with a fully giving single dad. He worked and was fully invested in his children and home. He treated me really well. Attentive (and in the bedroom), Morals, emotionally available ect. But there was always drama. He also lacked ambition and money. I also started to find him less attractive so I bounced. I do have fond memories though. The only ex I was thankful for :) So I think the absolute minority can be HV just not fully!!

Personally, I'd never agree to this, unless it's because of something really bad happening that isn't anybody's fault, like a horrific job market crash that made everyone suddenly unemployed. My dad was one example of this, always the breadwinner but he experienced a job loss that lasted nearly a year despite being a STEM engineer type around 2005. While he was at home, he helped my homemaker mom out with the house chores and looking after us 24/7. It was okay while it lasted. When he was able to go back to work, though, you could tell that his self esteem came back and he's just happier doing the full time career thing and being the main provider of the household.

There was a study I read back that apparently, SAHDs are more likely to cheat on their working wives. They have lowered self esteems overall and so they go out to cheat to feel like men again. They're much less happier within their marriages while men who work outside of the home were more satisfied.

As for me, I am working on and leveling up educational and career-wise so that I can work remotely and from home on a permanent basis. I've worked outside and I've worked remotely, and I can definitely say that the latter is more of my style. Plus, I can prevent things like sexual harassment, of which I have suffered from in a couple of jobs before, if I can safely do my stuff from my home. I want to be at home to be with my young children before their preschool and kindergarten days also, because daycare is way too expensive to do it 5 times a week, and I don't trust anyone to look after them unless it's me, my spouse, or my parents/my spouse's parents. Ideally, I'd love to marry a man who can also work remotely, at least half the time, because I would like a helping hand with the kids and around the house from time to time.

But him staying home permanently without getting income while I go out to work? Even if I make major moolahs, I'd end up very burnt out, resentful, and very depressed over not being able to see my babies anymore. No thank you.

If I'm not being supported by a HV male I'm only going to want partial companionship for my needs, it's not going to be serious. Why would I settle for supporting gelding forever when I can have a stallion for the night with zero commitment?

What circumstance or conditions are yo referring to? Temporary job loss?

I think it comes down to what you want. If you want a two income family, don’t quit your job and don’t fully financially support him. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Just make sure you have a way to stay financially independent if needed. Do you want him to stay home and does he want to stay home? Thats your choice as a couple, and it should be a joint decision.

personally, i wouldn’t want to fully financially support someone. But that’s me.