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He won't.
Because the kind of man that will appreciate [YOU] -- and automatically all the things you do or don't do or just be or your plain ol' existence -- will appreciate you from the very beginning.
So you won't even be asking this "When?" question.
Now here's the thing;
We all have been brainwashed to deeply believe that Love = Usefulness.
That's why when I say "He loves you because you exist, and you are here in his life. That's it." -- immediately what comes to your mind is "That's sounds ridiculous -- why would he be attracted to me if I don't provide something in the relationship?"
Here's a question -- how did you start a lifelong friendship with your bestest friend? Did you like her first because she is "useful" to you in any way?
No, you two start talking about some dull ass things and before you know it, 20 years has gone so fast.
You can do that with friendships but somehow when it comes to a man -- you must be absolutely "useful" to him (and you must know what that usefulness entails) -- otherwise no man will find you "worthy" of his love.
Is that it? How sad.
Now, why do I keep insisting that when a man likes you, he just likes [YOU] and that's it? Simple as that?
Because whatever the reason(s) he has for falling in love with you specifically and pursuing you specifically -- it is none of your concern.
It is not your burden to know.
Your job is just to stay for as long as he treats you as his precious. When he stops? Time to walk away.
Just as you never stop vetting in a relationship -- you also never stop exercising the ULTIMATE FDS RULE -- walk away the very moment he stops treating you good.
A queen doesn't beg for love -- she either gets it with this man, or walks out the door and start anew.
When you get hung up on what you "bring to the table" -- that usefulness becomes your false sense of security.
Let's take the easiest example -- your beauty. He loves you and marries you because you know he founds your beauty extremely attractive.
So now you rely on that confidence that "Okay, as long as he finds me beautiful, he will love me."
What happens when that beauty disappear?
You can't not say that it won't disappear -- aging, accident, disease, weight gain/loss, pregnancy, hair loss, hell pimples or scars of some sort.
Now that false sense of security is ripped out from under your soles -- and you internally starts going insane with insecurity and feeling unsafe.
What happens then?
That's how many women starts going crazy with plastic surgery, spending tons of money on makeup and grooming -- hell even going as far as never letting him see her without makeup even in bed -- what kind of life is that?
Even when what you "bring to the table" are your skills or your ability to liven up the room or something -- it causes the same problem;
You start relying on those as your false sense of security.
And when you sense that the initial excitement the new relationship or marriage starts to dull -- same things happen;
You start feeling insecure.
You over-think. You over-worry. You over-anxious. And it gets worse the longer the relationship goes.
And you start pressing on the gas pedal -- start over-giving your usefulness and anything else you can think of -- just to make sure he stay attracted to you.
You sacrifice everything for the relationship -- in hopes that he will "see" all the things you've done for him and stay loyal to you.
Unfortunately you aren't build for continuous over-giving. You are gonna start running out of fumes pretty soon.
So you keep wondering "When?"
Because you are tired.
You are exhausted.
You feel like you are the only one putting work into maintaining this relationship while he just drags his ass all the way.
"When will he start appreciating all the things I did for him? I've done soo much for him already! WHEN??"
You know deep down you can't keep doing this forever.
And sadly, that "WHEN??" will never come.
You know what kind of ATTITUDE a man has when he likes you for [YOU]?
He wants you to REST.
MAJORITY of HVM that I know -- especially older men -- frankly speaking, the wife is the "lazier" one in the relationship as in she does less than him and rest more.
Because he wants her to rest as much as possible.
Only does thing she wants to do and he takes care of the rest -- especially routine chores and responsibilities that need loads of energy.
I think if a LibFem believer saw how spoiled these women are -- they are gonna lose their marbles. Because it is the exact opposite to what LibeFems are groomed to believe.
And yet these women get the best kind of treatment from the best kind of men -- good looking, healthy, wonderful husband and father, responsible, reliable, financially secure etc2.
I know an older gentleman that would to go to the wet market at the ass-crack of dawn and get fresh fish -- so that his wife can have her favorite breakfast everyday.
Now if you are wondering what kind of things these women "bring to the table" to be able to snag these HVMs -- the answer is... frankly none.
They aren't that much different than the rest of us. With one very important difference;
If at any point in time, their husband stop treating them good, they have NO PROBLEM just walking out and start a new life.
They don't, and won't beg for scraps.
That's how RADICAL they are in respecting themselves.
That's why they have no problem resting and letting their husband does it all. And he happily does -- because when she gets enough rest, she is healthy and happy -- and he is happy too.
(Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, I am too tired to think straight.)
TLDR:
1) You don't care WHY he likes you and choose you -- it is none of your concern, none of your burden.
2) All you care about is him treating you good -- you know, because he says he LOVES you -- and keep on observing while enjoying being spoiled.
3) RELAX, you won't turn into an evil monster just because you had a taste of the good treatment -- that's all brainwashing, all just lies fed to your once young and easily influenced mind.
4) You don't exhaust yourself in a relationship -- you actually will be told to REST MORE while he takes care of everything.
5) And oh -- if you have to ask "When will he appreciates my effort?" -- know that he never will. Walk away sis, start anew.
Stay safe. Stay Woman.
To all women who have a hard time believing this can happen, believe me, it can. And don't feel bad for wanting that kind of relationship or enjoying it when you have it. People want to tell us we're spoiled princesses who just want to lean back and let men do all the work, but the truth is, most of us have been socialized to do TOO DAMN MUCH. So even if we dial it back to 70%, it will still be more than most men have ever done in their lives. We are used to giving attention, time and energy without expecting anything back (other than gratefulness), because we do genuinely love the people in our lives and want to make them happy. So why not expect the same from a man? Most men are too warped to love unconditionally, sure, but there's still some who can do it. It was hard to believe for me as well. I definitely had to get used to my partner doing things like making dinner and doing all of the cleanup while I do nothing at all to help. I've not been raised this way. But I've practically forced myself to sit back enjoy it from time to time because I know he is already getting all that he wants and needs from me (affection and attention, and course I don't let him do everything by himself 100% of the time).
Another banger. I work around very high net worth individuals, the majority men of course. They’re all married. Their wives do not cook. Their wives do not clean. My boss is a billionaire and I have seen it with my own eyeballs that she treats him like the help. She barely has sex with him. He’s not ugly, he’s not older than her… She doesn’t have a job but she has a personal assistant… He scrounges around at the kitchen at night looking for something to eat. I asked the same question of the CFO and the CLO and they said “if my wife cooks I’ve never seen it.” “My wife has never made me a sandwich.” I’m just adding the anecdotal evidence (and this isn’t even all of it) that this post is totally correct. Personally, I don’t understand it… But yeah this is actually happening for some women.
As always such a beautiful post and personally I felt called out (in the best way possible). Even though I’ve made progress since joining FDS in March, I feel that after reading this post I have quite a long way to go. I’ve noticed that I have a lot of elements in me that still sees love•=usefulness. And even though I’ve been “leveling up” and making strides to be a HVW I find that who am I without all of these things (intelligence, beauty, kindness, domestic skills, refined culture etc). Am I happy with just me and not all of the things I was born and worked for? Im just starting therapy to start to build my self-acceptance, confidence and worth and I hope to get to a point that I can truly love myself and truly feel that I deserve all the love as I am and not what I bring as a person ❤️
In nature, the male does everything except give birth and nurse the baby. Horses, for instance...the stallion protects his mares and foals, leads them to the water hole everyday, takes them to new grass, patrols the outskirts of the herd day and night looking for danger, fights against other stallions who'd take his mares and kill his foals, and statistically speaking, the stallions die more often than the mates, because he'd give his life to protect them. Human males like to make women do all of their work AND all of the women's work, and this creates great strife for women and children. If a male cannot be a better partner than a stallion, he's not worth your time.
This is how I think I should meet my Mr. Right: organically, where just as with my closest friends, it starts with something small and just continues.
A few years ago, I bought an expensive gift card for a guy I was in a messy situationship with. (I know...) The whole "relationship" was horrible and a complete waste of time. Thankfully I found FDS, and he ghosted me and married someone else. Apparently she got it even worse than I did.
This week, I woke up one morning and randomly wondered, "Huh, I wonder if he ever used that gift card...?"
I found the card in an old email and tried out the code, and it still worked. He never used it! I was a little surprised, because he was a parasite who used me shamelessly in every way he could, but I didn't dwell on it because the discovery meant I got to order $100 of grass-fed steak. It's so rare you get to blatantly repo some of the energy you poured into a useless man and spend it on yourself.
But, yeah, I literally gave a NVM a gift card for free steak and he didn't appreciate THAT.