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Hi everyone, for context, I'm 25 and went through a divorce last year. It's coming up on a year after my ex and I separated (divorce finalized in September), I do wonder when I'll feel ready to date again. I definitely don't feel ready to date yet and I predict I won't feel ready for quite a while - which is fine, I'm not in a rush.
During this time I've been working on myself - making friendships and my boundaries with people, my career and my hobbies. I'm staying with family at the moment so that I can save up for a house hopefully sometime next year. I feel like with everything going on in my life right now, dating would be the last thing on my mind anyway.
That being said, I do get curious when people typically start to date after a breakup or a divorce, and everything I see online seems to be really short - after only a few months. I figured I'd ask my fellow FDS queens if they had any timelines or rules or advice when it comes to dating again after a long term relationship breakup or divorce.
Wow, you really married young. Which tells me you didn’t get to take your time to be an adult. Dating is probably the last priority of thing you should be doing so good for you for asking this question. 👏👏
Vast majority of divorced women (raises hand) date “too soon” and get played again by a more covert version of the ex. Ask me how I know. Lmao
I’ve pondered this question and gotten counsel from my wise elders living the rare kind of lives I’d actually like to emulate - and they say it takes approximately 7 years from the time you were last together for real* to return to your full strength. (*6+ years for me - and I finally feel very nearly ready and armed with the tools — yet I don’t want to date bc I’ve leveled up my life to realize there’s so much more to it than being picked… IRONY 🥰)
Edit: Check out Chump Lady's posts on "fixing your picker." Relevant even if adultery wasn't the cause of your unhappiness as a wife. Hugs!
I don't think this is the right question to ask, because it should be based on how you feel and where your head is at. You don't have to do what everybody else does. You should continue focusing on yourself for the foreseeable future.
Later on, when you're in a better place mentally, spiritually, emotionally, maybe even physically, then you can revisit the question of whether or not you want to start dating again and ultimately if you want to be in another long-term relationship/marriage.
In the meantime, read the handbook. Read it again if you've already read it. Get yourself into therapy if you can. Look inward. Level up.
Good luck, queen. 💜
I was told once it takes about half the time you were with someone to be ready to date again. So, if you were with someone for 3 years, after about 1.5 years you'll probably be ready to date again.
Of course it's not an exact science and everyone is different. It's been pretty on par for me personally.
To be ready to date again properly, you must change your entire attitude and actions that didn't work before. Go to YouTube and watch SheraSeven1. She will tell you how to properly date and to not get hurt again.
It differs for everyone. The best gauge is your own happiness. If you don't feel like dating, then don't.
I tried to start dating only a few months after my last LTR, and it was awful. The men were just .... ugh. Then the pandemic hit and I had a really great reason not to date at all, so I haven't been on a date since .... December 2019. Honestly, I still don't think I want to try and date again at this time.
I tend to do a lot of introspection towards the end of a relationship so move on pretty quickly. I’ve been single for about ten weeks and no longer feel raw or like there’s something missing. I understand the reasons I ended it and where I missed red flags so I guess I’d be open to dating again save for the fact I’m not really interested. I had a flirt the other day and if he’d asked for my number I’d have given it to him but my diary is pretty full with some work projects and trips with my girlfriends. It’d take a somewhat determined suitor willing to fit into my life to be able to date me. But that’s probably the healthiest way for it to be.
I’m currently not dating and not looking to date, but I think waiting at least a year is good
While I haven’t married yet I do have a golden rule. the time to get over someone for me is the length of the relationship + 1/2 if it was serious or 1/2 the relationship if it was under 1 year. it really depends honestly on a lot of cases and sometimes you just meet someone you really click with.
focusing on yourself is good! remember you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you!!