When a Woman is Angry: You WILL be ATTACKED (Part 2)

Here's the thing -- when you present your anger and assert your boundaries -- ESPECIALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME?

Expect to be ATTACKED.

Just expect it. Don't be surprised. People will attack you and they will attack you in any and every way that hurts.

I've tasted it all -- my favorite is being ostracized because they start with all the other, more in-the-face attacks and I remain politely, quietly, and gently UNFLICHING.

So they get all their gangs and flying monkeys and confused followers to ostracize me for months, years even -- while also trying to snoop my social medias to find "evidences" of me "actually isn't as kind and great as she looks".

It is the same shit again and again and again -- mostly from women in my case because my politeness and gentleness trigger them too much -- and they all use the same pattern of attacks.

Usually it goes something like this:

Stage 1: Denial aka not taking my anger seriously

"Wait, is she angry? Oh come on, surely that's a fluke. She is quiet and gentle, surely she wouldn't get angry? Let me go check."

And pull the same bullshit "Hey, are you angry? Oh come on, I was just joking! You are so sensitive!"

I just keep silent and walk away.

Stage 2: Blame-shifting

They start to feel the drop in their stomach -- but the denial is still there.

So they start to make excuses with themselves for themselves. They are getting uncomfortable -- and they don't like that. So instead of doing some self-introspection like a mentally and emotionally mature adult -- they choose to go further into the denial.

So they shift the blame onto you for "making" them feel uncomfortable -- while deep down they know they are the ones at fault.

But people likes to be "good" -- they always want to be in the "good, nice, kind" box. They don't like to be made conscious of their "evil"ness.

Yes, even your abusers and those who do the most cruel, evil thing on a daily basis. They shut off that part of the brain and focus on the part that reinforce their belief that they are "good, nice, kind" people.

So that's why they are blaming you.

How many times have your abuser blame you for making them feel bad?

Stage 3: The Gaslighting

I lumped majority of the attacks in this category because the objective is the same -- they are trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty and doubting your anger/emotions/boundaries.

I am sure there are way more type of attacks but these are the ones I am most familiar with.

🤡 Guilt-tripping:

Acting like you just committed the worst crime in human history.

Looking at you with betrayed look and saying "How could you?"

Saying that you are "breaking the family" or whatever bullsh*t.

Abusing actual terms like "silent-treatment", "difficult", "hostile", "abusive", "manipulative" to push you into feeling guilty and doubting yourself.

🤡 Smear-campaign:

Getting sad, crying, and acting like you bully them and hurt their feelings -- working so hard into making you the "evil antagonist" in their story. Telling everyone to "watch out" and "be careful" of you.

And the more sophisticated ones won't tell people straight up that you are evil or crazy -- but saying things like "Oh SayNad? She is great but... just be careful around her yeah?" or something like that.

They nudge people to doubt me while painting themselves as the "good person looking out for others".

That's one of the reason why, if you were abused by a narcissist and kept pretending everything is fine until one day you absolutely lose your sh*t and went off on him -- people tend to side with him. Because unfortunately, while they don't know the true story -- he had planted THE SEED of you being "crazy & abusive". And your (justified) outbursts "confirms" to other people that you are indeed, "crazy & abusive". While he remains looking like the innocent, poor-guy-abused-by-his-crazy-wife "victim".

🤡 Provocation & Slanders:

Listen, when people say things to you that hurts you -- slandering you, questioning you, being "disappointed" in you, saying things that cut deep and make you feel absolutely worthless and shitty, digging private information and use them to personally attack you and the people you love, keep attacking you non-stop every single day until you feel like personally k*****g each and every one of them?

They WANT you to get affected, get hurt, and lose your sh*t.

Read that again. They WANT you to RISE UP to their slanders and provocation.

Remember the seed-planting in the narcissist story above? They have been going around planting that seed of doubt and painting you as the evil antagonist. Now, they need proofs.

So they are absolutely going to provoke and slander and say the most vile, disgusting, triggering things to get the raise out of you. They are DESPERATE -- the people are looking and waiting, they need you to "prove" that you are what they say you are.

Hence, the hurtful things you wouldn't imagine a person will say -- they will say them. All because THEY are DESPERATE, their image is at stake here.

So before they can even open their mouth, I bolt from the scene as fast as possible. Keep my headphones on, literally close my eyes and ears. If other people who overheard the slanders came and ask me what's going on -- I will just smile the sad smile and say something vague like "I am fine. This too will pass."

If the slanders involve something I CAN take immediate action on -- like I can drag their ass to court over defamation suit or something -- THAN I WILL FOCUS ON DOING THAT, calmly and quietly collecting evidences. I won't be get dragged into their provocation and slanders head on -- because I won't trouble myself over trash.

🤡 Fake "Concern"

Let's say they aren't the main perpetrators in your attacks -- but flying monkeys to the main perps. Their gang of blind followers, or their ass-kissers, or flying monkeys, or simply those who don't know the whole story but like the perps better than you -- so they are horribly biased.

These are the hypocrites and these are the people you MUST WATCH OUT THE MOST FOR!

Because these people will come bearing the face of a "concerned friend".

They "just want to know both sides of the story, so tell me honey."

They will tell you in the sweetest, most saccharine tone how they understand you and your pain, and they are here to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

Encourage you to "Let it all out, I will listen. I am here for you."

They may even badmouth the perps in your presence just to gain your trust and encourage you to spill it all out on them.

BE VERY VERY CAREFUL. They are the spies sent to dig information from you because the slanders and provocation didn't work. They aren't "here for you" -- they are here for the information that you let slip when you are crying and pouring all your frustration and feelings out to these fake concerners. THEY WILL USE THOSE INFORMATION TO BACKSTAB YOU.

When you are still in the throng of attacks, NEVER share even a lick of information with ANYONE -- not even those you trust. Stay silent and secretive and pour it all out on secret journal or something. Never underestimate how fast juicy gossip can spread.

🤡 Hostility:

Confronting me and straight up screaming to my face.

Threatening me and counting back all the "help and kindness" they showed me (there are none) and say "How dare you being so ungrateful".

Cornering me and trying to use their height, size, muscle, weight, rage, money, status, whatever to intimidate and scare me.

Because they think I am the scared doormat that will be a weepy mess and immediately fawn when cornered.

They will get the shock of their life.

I just calmly look them straight in the eye and get my tazer out. Or knife, whatever I carry that day. I accept the fact that I might get hurt, so I will defend myself to the best of my ability while also looking for a way out.

Stage 4: Ostracization

My personal favorite.

Because blaming me for making them "feel bad" doesn't work.

Calling me names and spreading lies about me don't work.

Guilt-tripping me and making me into the villain don't work.

Spreading false lies and making up story about me don't work.

They kept digging but found nothing they can use against me.

The spies they sent my way came back empty-handed. Those spies even start questioning them because they saw me being sad but also calm. Like an innocent person.

They have exhausted all options, people are even starting to doubt them -- what to do?

You have heard it -- "Human are social creatures". So they think -- well, lets ostracize and isolate her! Surely that will break her!

Not realizing that their desperate need to be surrounded by people, by ass-kissers, by "friends" -- to the point of them being terrified being left alone -- it comes from a deep, toxic, wound.

But they don't know that -- so they project their terrified-ness of being alone to me -- and are convinced I will break down, suffer, and go crazy. Like them.

I respect people, I get along with people, I like making friends with people. But I am not afraid being left completely alone.

My alone times are as dear to me as when I am surrounded by friends. My alone times are the greatest, wisest teachers that teach me valuable lessons -- and I look forward for more in the future.

"Doesn't it hurt though, being ostracized?"

Of course, you are still human, you still have feelings. But slowly reframe your mindset to start looking at it as "Well, now that I don't have to deal with people all the time -- I got so much free time! What am I going to do with them?"

Social interactions is part of human nature -- but they can also be excessive and consuming all your focus.

You are give the opportunity to shift your focus to YOURSELF now -- so make good use of it.

Will you still feel lonely? Yes. But once you start focusing on YOURSELF -- you realize you are not as lonely anymore.

FOCUS ON YOURSELF. THE OPPORTUNITY IS GIFTED TO YOU. DON'T WASTE IT.

Stage 5: The Observers

You may not realize it -- but others (aside from the perps' gang) are watching as the drama unfold.

They are the ones who know neither of you, so their bias is mainly gender or age-based -- but they are conscious enough to not make quick judgements.

So they watch, and observe, and evaluate the situation.

The perps will come to them and say "SayNad is nice and quiet, but be careful with her okay? You never know with those quiet people."

So they look at me next, mentioning what was told to them, expecting some sort of defensive reaction or retaliation (based on past experiences) -- and I give them nothing.

No being triggered or offended, no quickly defending myself and trying to explain the whole situation (in an angry, agitated manner), no badmouthing or gossiping about the perps -- just smiling sadly and tiredly, and saying "I will be fine, this will pass," and immediately change the topic.

They will be stunted -- "Why isn't she defending herself? They are trying to paint her in a bad light!" -- and they will prod more, trying to get something more out of me.

And I will say in a quiet, distressed voice, "Can we not talk about this please? I will be fine."

And usually what will happen next is -- quite magic actually -- their PROTECTIVE INSTINCT are triggered.

They start defending me in front of those perps. I didn't mean to trigger that -- it is not like I thoroughly researched "How to Trigger Protective Instinct in People" or something -- but it happens, every time without fail.

But it happens, so yay.

I learned this thing with The Observers while under attack from my narcissistic ex-boss, during the peak of smear campaign. I did all the wrong stuff at first -- immediately being triggered and offended, trying to explain the whole situation in anger and distress, badmouthing and gossiping about the boss with those people etc2.

Bad, bad move. I almost got into legal trouble.

After that I kept quiet and even when people asked me, I just look at them sadly and plead to change the topic. That's when the magic happened and everyone start defending me in front of the boss. I still don't know the exact detail of this mechanism -- maybe I will come around to it someday -- but for now, that's my experience.

Stage 6: They try to "make peace"

Don't be surprised -- a month later, 6 months later, a year later, years later.

They will come back -- acting all "kind" and "regretful" -- saying they have "changed" now and "regret all the ways I've hurt you" and blah blah blah.

They will even say all the things you have wanted to so much for them to say all those time, when they hurt you.

You feel like you finally got your "karma" -- hell they will even drop to their knees begging, or kiss your shoes.

They will be the kindest, most caring, most loving, most attentive, most this and that and those other things -- you feel like the heroine in those angsty-to-happy-ending books.

I regret to inform y'all -- all those are one big, fat, LIE.

People who have no problem purposefully hurting you for so long -- DO NOT CARE ONE BIT ABOUT YOU.

Even when they are on their knees begging and crying for your forgiveness -- they aren't doing it for you.

They are doing it for THEM.

They are CRITICALLY DESPERATE now -- not only all their attacks aren't working at all, their public image is in danger and more and more Observers start siding with me.

And I still the same old me, living peacefully while they feel like being burned from the inside every day.

They are desperate -- and when people are desperate, they are willing to put aside their ego and drop to their knees, begging and crying for "forgiveness".

Except what they are looking for is not forgiveness.

They are looking for REVENGE.

Because they have been humiliated left and right just by me calmly sidestepping their attacks. They are angry. Very very angry.

That's why if you accept them back after the whole soap opera -- THEY WILL DO TO YOU WAY WAYYY WORSE THAN WHAT THEY DID BEFORE.

So I don't.

Stage 7: Defeated Silence

Nothing works.

Absolutely nothing works.

Their public image is trashed to hell.

The observers start looking at them suspiciously.

The gang, the ass-kissers, the flying monkeys start distancing themselves from them -- because they don't want to be associated with "the bullies".

They tried to "make peace" with me as a last ditch effort to save face -- and I just silently walk away.

And all they are left with is Defeated Silence.

"Why don't you just confront them and fight? Why need to suffer through all of these?"

One, because I study people by dealing with them. See the whole post -- do you think I got this all from books? I can, but it won't be as human.

Two, it is fun. Watching them slowly and thoroughly destroying themselves is fun.

Three, I don't really care about my "public image". I CONTROL how other people PERCEIVE ME -- so petty disturbances here and there is nothing.

Four, I am lazy. Why fight when I can watch them burn instead?

Five, and I save the best for last;

GUILT.

That sticky, uncomfortable, nauseous-like feeling like when you peel a stubborn label that doesn't come off right, and you are left with that annoying leftover sticky glue.

It makes you don't taste right, don't sleep right, don't sit right. It is just persistently there -- even when you are hyper-focusing on something else. Once you feel guilty, I guess a part of your subconscious automatically make room for it and you will always be aware of it, sticky and present in the background.

Remember when I say in Stage 2: Blame-Shifting:

Every attacks, every stages, every vile words out of their mouth, every hostility and threats they scream in your face -- what are they doing? Why so desperate?

Because that drop in their stomach is the beginning of that sticky, sticky GUILT.

It is their subconscious trying to tell them that "Hey dude, you f**ked up. We gonna have to make room for the Guilt."

But who likes to be made conscious that they are in fact -- not good? Feeling guilty means you realize that you made a mistake, that you are wrong, that you aren't perfect, that you aren't good -- who likes feeling like that?

So they are desperate in their attacks towards you because they are uncomfortable, and they are starting to feel guilty.

And you know what's more fun? Guilt can shreds people inside.

They won't be the same anymore after Stage 7: Defeated Silence. They are left with that feeling of sticky, sticky guilt for the rest of their lives. And every time they remember their absolute humiliation after attacking me -- it shreds them a little more.

Bit. By. Bit.

They can pretend all they want, I can see it on their faces. That's what I want to see.

You don't need to play this game like me though -- this is just me sharing my results. Take from it what can benefit you, and ignore the rest.

Though I do recommend, instead of getting into verbal, aggressive fights -- because you can put yourself in real, actual DANGER -- is to stand up and state your anger/boundary like a fact in a calm, monotone voice.

Because it is a fact for you -- and there's no room for argument -- but as you learned from this post, they will argue and attack you -- so that's your cue to WALK AWAY.

The FDS mantra applies to all aspect of life -- block & delete, up & leave, bathroom & ghost, JUST WALK AWAY.

Do NOT stay there and give them the opportunity to HURT you.

They aren't listening to your arguments and explanation anyway -- they are just pretending to be "educated" while digging for any information that can be used to hurt you next time. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.

JUST WALK AWAY.

When a Woman is Angry: Introduction (Part 1)

Stay safe. Stay Woman.