I think the OP wasn’t meaning to be cruel to a friend or relative. Only to show them the error of their ways. In my case I have a friend seeing a married man (I know, I’ve told her so many times). Today he cancelled on her yet again due to family problems. She was offering to meet him for lunch only and he bailed on her, clearly realising that sex was off the menu.
26
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
Replying to
Not to be rude, but why remain friends with someone who isn't afraid to show that she is severely morally stunted? She is knowingly hurting another woman and her kids (she's only responsible for 10% the married whore is the real issue here since he is the one who got some poor woman to marry him when he is a pos) and it isn't going to be long until she turns on you.
It’s a fair challenge and I’ll answer it.She’s morally stunted with respect to men. I think losing her brother and father at a young age has warped her sense of healthy relationships and she seeks validation from men to compensate.Have I considered whether she would treat me badly? Yes.Have I considered whether her moral compass is off? Also yes.But I can only treat her as she treats me and so far, that has been a good friend. I would also argue that it’s the guy who’s morally stunted. My friend isn’t breaking any marital vows. The shame belongs to him entirely. I can’t apportion percentages but whilst I wouldn’t get mixed up with someone who’s married, it’s him who’s taken and breaking his vows.
I honestly don’t get it either. My personal opinion is that she is emotionally unavailable. I think if he turned up at her doorstep wanting love and commitment she would shit herself. Genuinely! There is something intrinsic about him offering her the only part of him he is willing to give is a challenge to her. For a woman who says she wants lasting love my knowledge of her actions speak otherwise ñ.
I met a friend of mine this summer. I soon found out that she had a boyfriend and he would constantly call her guess when? At night of course, for multiple hours. Now I remember reading on FDS that calling at night or calling for hours with a man is a waste of time and turns out it really was. They broke up not long after. I told her that something didn't feel right with him but she didn't believe me.
21
Unknown member
Oct 20, 2022
I don't have them bc that is LV AF to pull on a friend
This. I think that's cruel, and a breach of trust in a friendship. They would never feel completely open with you again.My mom has done this to me, hence I do not talk to her about any of my relationships even though I love her very dearly otherwise.
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
Replying to
Your mom gave you advice, that you didn't take, WHICH turned out to be useful... and because she brought it up you don't talk to her about your relationships?You have faulty judgement and you're distancing yourself from someone with useful advice? How does that make any sense.It's getting to the point where giving women advice is useless because they'll just get mad at you if you turn out to be right.
I don't want to hear advice from someone who was enamored with my previous abusive exes and didn't have anything negative to say about those guys only because they earned a lot of money. 🙃 So obviously her advice is not always useful, and in addition to that, her gloating after the fact is very hurtful. I will stick to listening to my friends who warned me about my abusive ex husband, because I guess they have better judgement than my mom or I. 🤷♀️ And they were still tactful enough to not say to me "I told you so!" after I got away from him, which makes me want to open up to them again.
Unknown member
Oct 21, 2022
So, my friend auditioned for a play, and two weeks later she was dating the director lol. A few weeks after that, he was packing up and moving from LA to NY to be with her. He was sending her poems and sonnets and shit (he’s British). I told her that this was a bad sign. I said, “Any 30 yr old man who can move cross country on a whim has no ties—no lease, no job. Why?? That’s a red flag.” Her ass didn’t listen and then she moved him in.
I met up with them for dinner so I could meet him. Very charming on the surface, but whenever a topic came up, he was the expert, and he overtalked her. I did a lil experiment and purposely directed a question specifically to her, and sure enough, she got one line out before he butted in. Then she started disappearing on me. That was six years ago. She called out of the blue last year to say they’d gotten married the previous year (she didn’t invite me!)—and he’d left her with no warning for some Russian chick. Then she disappeared again. They must be back together.
I had another friend who had the same exact scenario. She met a dude on IG, visited him one weekend and within like a month he abruptly moved from LA to AZ to be with her. No job—a 30-something year old rapper—living off of her good money. They were together five years. He did foul shit throughout, like trying to sneak out of a hotel in Vegas to meet up with women he knew there when she was asleep. After his 40th birthday, and with thousands in his savings account bc he didn’t pay for shit and she got him a spec job at a major network where she worked, he left her for a 20 year old stripper. Kid you not.
I don't talk to either of these girls anymore. Tired of being the friend that everyone calls for this basic shit.
ETA: never said 'I told you so', tho. that's bad form.
Lol right? The same friend (in the 2nd paragraph) then dated a guy that produces porn!! He told her that he was still living with his ex wife and two kids bc he had cancer the previous year and needed the ex’s help. She sent me a pic of this dude. Healthiest lookin mf who ever lived. No way that dude had cancer. I’m ctfu just typing this. When I told her about that red flag, she told me, “Don’t be negative.” This women was in her late 30s doing this. Smart, single, makes lots of money, owns her own home, no kids. But can't spot an LVM to save her life. So glad I don’t have to listen to her anymore.
My friend started dating a man 5 years older when she was 18. She was really smart and had good grates and great future ahead of her. She never went to college and settled with an anti social negative guy who constantly criticises her. She even broke up with him after four years of cohabitating but took him back because she felt lonely. I warned and warned her about him, when they started dating, but she kept saying that he's a good guy and I don't know him like she does. The thing is I have known him very very well. I knew. Now she's married, with a kid and miserable, and she regrets that she stayed with him. I didn't tell her "I told you so", because I don't wanna be that kind of a friend but we both know.
16
Unknown member
Oct 20, 2022
Replying to
Exactly -with friends you never need to say "I told you so"And you can't keep pushing your disapproval in your friends face if you want to stay friends either
typically i am upfront with my observations about men my friends date. if i don't have a good feeling about the guy, i'll tell her bluntly that i don't feel good energy from him so she should be careful. so far, i've discovered that my friends (two of them) are either deep in toxic, abusive marriage or entrenched in sunken cost fallacy. i never said "i told you so" in their faces; when that moment came along, i merely shrugged and pointed out that i never liked the scrote in the first place and remind them that i'm here to listen.
I had one "best friend" who was, as I understand now, the definition of a pickme. She would've rather sought validation from being in a relationship than grow as a person.
My friend acted like she came across as a tormented, lovestruck woman. She dated a new person every year or so, only for it to turn south. In reality, she was selfish and gullible.
We stopped talking when she appointed me as a MOH for her wedding to a man I had never met in person, and he didn't care much to. She would complain about getting no help from him involving wedding planning, in the guise that "Well, it's your day". [Bitch!!! It's also YOUR wedding!!]
I told her, that amongst other incidents, he was doing nothing to add value to her life. She told me "she simply needed to work it out, and after the wedding everything would be fine." This was the same argument I heard with every relationship, and I couldn't deal with being an unpaid therapist, so I ended up resigning as MOH, and as a friend. I gave her serious tough love -- "You are never going to be happy if you don't fix your self esteem problems that lead you to constantly hold on to terrible people."
Through the grapevine, I found out he cheated and ended the engagement. She had since married and divorced another man within a year, who also cheated on her. (He was incredibly ugly, so I don't know how he bagged two women.) I really hope my ex-friend is out there getting help, because she desperately needs it. I don't know how anyone could cling that badly onto being a taken woman.
One of my friends met this really cute guy in college. They are both med students and seemed to be a good fit. They texted, met up a few times and had good energy but he never officially asked her out. Some friends were telling her to make a move but I told her dont. This man is in med school, clearly he knows how to work hard for something he wants but he is not giving you the same energy. Just ignore him or even better, block and delete him.
It seemed too intense to her to go that far so she took a bit of a step back but was still too invested to not talk to him. For like 2 weeks we heard nothing from him and turns out, he got a girlfriend!
Wooow, ngl even tho I knew he wasnt it I didnt expect that, given his cowardice with my friend. It was quite shocking. I assume he got her after my friend and him started talking less but who knows...
I honestly dont know if she learned her lesson but I see a hopeful future for her.
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I think the OP wasn’t meaning to be cruel to a friend or relative. Only to show them the error of their ways. In my case I have a friend seeing a married man (I know, I’ve told her so many times). Today he cancelled on her yet again due to family problems. She was offering to meet him for lunch only and he bailed on her, clearly realising that sex was off the menu.
I met a friend of mine this summer. I soon found out that she had a boyfriend and he would constantly call her guess when? At night of course, for multiple hours. Now I remember reading on FDS that calling at night or calling for hours with a man is a waste of time and turns out it really was. They broke up not long after. I told her that something didn't feel right with him but she didn't believe me.
I don't have them bc that is LV AF to pull on a friend
So, my friend auditioned for a play, and two weeks later she was dating the director lol. A few weeks after that, he was packing up and moving from LA to NY to be with her. He was sending her poems and sonnets and shit (he’s British). I told her that this was a bad sign. I said, “Any 30 yr old man who can move cross country on a whim has no ties—no lease, no job. Why?? That’s a red flag.” Her ass didn’t listen and then she moved him in.
I met up with them for dinner so I could meet him. Very charming on the surface, but whenever a topic came up, he was the expert, and he overtalked her. I did a lil experiment and purposely directed a question specifically to her, and sure enough, she got one line out before he butted in. Then she started disappearing on me. That was six years ago. She called out of the blue last year to say they’d gotten married the previous year (she didn’t invite me!)—and he’d left her with no warning for some Russian chick. Then she disappeared again. They must be back together.
I had another friend who had the same exact scenario. She met a dude on IG, visited him one weekend and within like a month he abruptly moved from LA to AZ to be with her. No job—a 30-something year old rapper—living off of her good money. They were together five years. He did foul shit throughout, like trying to sneak out of a hotel in Vegas to meet up with women he knew there when she was asleep. After his 40th birthday, and with thousands in his savings account bc he didn’t pay for shit and she got him a spec job at a major network where she worked, he left her for a 20 year old stripper. Kid you not.
I don't talk to either of these girls anymore. Tired of being the friend that everyone calls for this basic shit.
ETA: never said 'I told you so', tho. that's bad form.
My friend started dating a man 5 years older when she was 18. She was really smart and had good grates and great future ahead of her. She never went to college and settled with an anti social negative guy who constantly criticises her. She even broke up with him after four years of cohabitating but took him back because she felt lonely. I warned and warned her about him, when they started dating, but she kept saying that he's a good guy and I don't know him like she does. The thing is I have known him very very well. I knew. Now she's married, with a kid and miserable, and she regrets that she stayed with him. I didn't tell her "I told you so", because I don't wanna be that kind of a friend but we both know.
typically i am upfront with my observations about men my friends date. if i don't have a good feeling about the guy, i'll tell her bluntly that i don't feel good energy from him so she should be careful. so far, i've discovered that my friends (two of them) are either deep in toxic, abusive marriage or entrenched in sunken cost fallacy. i never said "i told you so" in their faces; when that moment came along, i merely shrugged and pointed out that i never liked the scrote in the first place and remind them that i'm here to listen.
I had one "best friend" who was, as I understand now, the definition of a pickme. She would've rather sought validation from being in a relationship than grow as a person.
My friend acted like she came across as a tormented, lovestruck woman. She dated a new person every year or so, only for it to turn south. In reality, she was selfish and gullible.
We stopped talking when she appointed me as a MOH for her wedding to a man I had never met in person, and he didn't care much to. She would complain about getting no help from him involving wedding planning, in the guise that "Well, it's your day". [Bitch!!! It's also YOUR wedding!!]
I told her, that amongst other incidents, he was doing nothing to add value to her life. She told me "she simply needed to work it out, and after the wedding everything would be fine." This was the same argument I heard with every relationship, and I couldn't deal with being an unpaid therapist, so I ended up resigning as MOH, and as a friend. I gave her serious tough love -- "You are never going to be happy if you don't fix your self esteem problems that lead you to constantly hold on to terrible people."
Through the grapevine, I found out he cheated and ended the engagement. She had since married and divorced another man within a year, who also cheated on her. (He was incredibly ugly, so I don't know how he bagged two women.) I really hope my ex-friend is out there getting help, because she desperately needs it. I don't know how anyone could cling that badly onto being a taken woman.
One of my friends met this really cute guy in college. They are both med students and seemed to be a good fit. They texted, met up a few times and had good energy but he never officially asked her out. Some friends were telling her to make a move but I told her dont. This man is in med school, clearly he knows how to work hard for something he wants but he is not giving you the same energy. Just ignore him or even better, block and delete him.
It seemed too intense to her to go that far so she took a bit of a step back but was still too invested to not talk to him. For like 2 weeks we heard nothing from him and turns out, he got a girlfriend!
Wooow, ngl even tho I knew he wasnt it I didnt expect that, given his cowardice with my friend. It was quite shocking. I assume he got her after my friend and him started talking less but who knows...
I honestly dont know if she learned her lesson but I see a hopeful future for her.