What is wrong with coffee/walk dates?

"What does the man get out of it" lmao men literally pay catfish just so somebody with an attractive profile picture to talk to them. Men literally pay attractive women to just text them. If he cant pay for your lunch that he invited you to, then what does he think of you? Not highly. Therefore you must think highly of yourself to avoid this.

Also your friend needs self esteem. She's out here concerned for random men as if she isn't a person herself. That's sad and like being an NPC.

I'm guessing your friend thinks when the woman does everything and the man never lifts a finger - is "just the way it is 🤷" which is such a sad existence.

He will get the woman's attention and the presence of her company, especially since the man was the one who ASKED the woman out and wanted for her to give HIM the time of the day.

If that was my friend I would have dumped her pickme ass.

Like the other commenters said, he gets the pleasure of your company. That should be enough for him to arrange a nice meal; you shouldn't have to 'lift a finger'. Men are literally desperate enough to pay women to talk to them (even if these women are men pretending to be women). Know your worth! And when it comes to dating, think about things from your perspective, not some hypothetical random man's. Men think enough about themselves, you don't need to waste time worrying about them too. Walking dates are low effort and can be very dangerous for women, especially if you don't know the man well or haven't met him in person before. There are so many stories of women being assaulted or even murdered by men who took them on walking dates. You're not in a public place, there are no witnesses and there could be nobody around to get help from if things go wrong. A man who arranges a nice meal at a well known restaurant in a public place isn't just showing that he values your company. He's showing that he values your safety as a woman. Personally, I'd see an offer of a walking date as an insult/proof of a lack of respect at best. At worst, I'd be worried he meant me some sort of harm.

i used to go on walk dates. it almost always ended with the scrote asking if i wanted to head back to his place.

going on a proper date shouldn't just be about eating for the man; it's about learning what she likes to eat and drink. the places she enjoys and if your palates are compatible. only a L/NVM would be upset about the financial aspect and nothing else.

I have come across a lot of women like this. Women who don't believe they deserve more than a 'coffee date' or a walk. Women who are scared of nightmare dates and feel believe that coffee or walk dates are safer than a dinner date. They're almost there, but they don't get it. They realize men are unsafe, but still deign to take the walk date, risking their safety in the guise of an easy escape. Men who offer coffee or walk dates are lvm who are dating many women at the same time, if we are being generous. They are cheap, will not be generous with you in the future if this is what they are starting with. We all know moms, grandmothers, friends of our own age that are generous and kind and get nothing in return. This is why we want men to start off offering more. Men who offer walk dates also have the potential for being rapists, or murdering creeps. Ladies, don't do it. Raise up that flag and hold your standards high!!!

Why in the world would I spend my priceless, irreplaceable time on someone who doesn't think I'm worth the effort of arranging something as simple as dinner at a restaurant? I go for coffee with my girlfriends and colleagues, and I'm not about to walk through a secluded wooded area with a man I don't know. Any guy suggesting such dates is by default low value--he's a cheap fuckboy and just hoping to get laid, he's too clueless and dumb to know why smart women don't let strange men get them alone, or he's planning to store your head in his freezer.

Tell your friend to read the handbook so she can start detoxing from her sad pickme conditioning. She deserves better than a $3 latte and some boring stories before a slobbish loser casually suggests they go back to some shitty bachelor apartment and have disappointing sex on his dirty futon.

Because men in general are not picky enough and I value my time. If they are not trying to impress, they are probably just trying to go for low hanging fruit. It should be expensive for them to waste your time.

i like my alone time and am only willing to date someone who improves my life from the quality it is at being alone. i might as well save my own gas money and time spent getting ready as well as save the risk of meeting someone who might be a stalker/rapist/murderer If it is going to be low effort and not an attempt to impress me and show me he will treat me well. the least a guy can do to when we are taking such risks is make sure a date is fun and stress free for us.

also the Laws of supply and demand apply here. women by default bring more to the table than men do so they need to show that they can at least be a provider and add value to the woman’s life to make himself an acceptable suitor.

It doesn't even have to be a "fancy dinner".

But an actual acceptable date does have to be something that wouldn't be easy to keep doing every day of the week.

One major point of this standard is to avoid fuckboys who are trying to get sex from a different woman every day.

There also needs to be at least a little thought put into it so it's tailored to you somehow. Can he do the exact same thing with anyone? That would be a hint that women are interchangeable to him.

I don't know about you, but I don't see the point of "having a man" if he's going to treat me like a cheap, easily replaceable appliance.

If a man thinks he's not "getting anything" out of a woman who won't put up with that, he's welcome to move right along and don't try to date me.

Coffee and walk "dates" are fine for women with low standards who are okay with a man just playing the numbers game and not making any real effort to impress, I guess. Couldn't be me! If a man wants to go out with me, then I expect he wants to go out with ME, and is not just seeing who he can pull by going on a bunch of cheap dates with multiple women. And if it's ME he's after, he will do his best to impress me. If not, then why would I waste my time on some fool who isn't taking my time or attention seriously? I'm not making my time available to just anyone who wants my time. In return, a man gets my time and attention, which is valuable, and he is damned lucky to get it.

The other comments had some nice contributions already, something else I think I wanted to emphasize was just the fact that if a man truly wants something serious with you, even if he just wants to explore the potential for that, if he really cares to see where things are going to go then he's going to put in some effort.

I can't find the post now but I recall seeing a post on some dating questions subreddit where a guy said there was a girl he really liked on an app that said she didn't do coffee dates. He was trying to figure out what to do/where to go because basically, he did really like her and wanted to get to know her. He may or may not have arranged an actual dinner somewhere, but it was interesting to see his thought process - he was accustomed to the casual coffee date but once he realized this was someone he essentially seriously wanted to meet, he started changing up his plans because he really wanted to meet her. Doesn't guarantee anything serious will happen, but IIRC he even said in his post himself that normally he wouldn't do this for just any woman.

I think most women here don't even demand like, a $300 prix fixe multi course menu at a 3 star michelin rated restaurant (unless that is what you personally want - everyone is allowed to have their preferences), but something that just shows that effort that he's looking for something serious.

I also agree when it comes to caring about YOUR preferences and needs. Yes, maybe some men out there do prefer coffee and walk dates. That's their preference. Not mine. If you want to meet me, then our preference for a serious date should align.

I’m gifting him with my feminine energy, my presence, my education, my attractiveness, my elegance and class. He is lucky that I spent time getting ready, taking time off my calendar and drive to see him. All of that for a coffee??? Hell no …. He can go find himself a pick me to accept this low behaviour. Men will value what they put effort and money for. They need to pursue and court.

If a guy says do you want a coffee it keeps things very vague and non committal, it is a level of casual that fuckboys thrive in. Because the woman has no idea if it is as friends, as a meeting, romantically, or something else. It is also very low effort and mundane. We get coffees and go for walks in our day to day life, it is insulting for a man to not even take you out to something more special.

Women who feel like they're an inconvenience will get played. Every single time.

I'll tell you a story about how my bff's brother.

Kyle had been dating Emma for 10+ years. They were inseparable. Emma became family. She helped his mom run errands. Took his sister shopping. Paid the families bills. A total slave.

They broke up. The whole family cried. My bff felt like she lost a sister.

A couple of months go by and I finally get all the chisme. The reason he broke up w/ her was so stupid and fucking petty.

According to my bff...when her brother first started dating Emma he asked her what she thought about marriage. Emma being young (19) ...trashed the idea... she claimed it was stupid, backwards, a waste of money, and all the in-between. This man (butthurt) took notice and used this as a reason to never marry her.

As Emma got older her thought processes changed and she wanted to get married and have a family etc. When she brought it up to Kyle this man flat-out told her, "Why should we get married? You said it was stupid anyway."

Emma had no idea this man was holding on to a conversation they had 10 years ago. He did it to punish her. Weirdo. Wasted years of her life just to spite her.

“Arguments about money (are) by far the top predictor of divorce.” It's not a fantasy land where money doesn't matter and you and the man live off pure love. A guy showing you that he has no money means you'll have a very hard life with him.

Watch Bojack Horseman and pay attention to Beatrice Horseman's backstory. Very hard life. Don't do it to yourself.

Sounds like she thinks she doesn’t deserve a nice time out! I know a lot of women like this. Or they think it’s old fashioned or some other b.s. also there’s lots of casual, cute cafes and restaurants Out there, that have great food and you can have a nice time there. It doesn’t have to be a fancy expensive restaurant. But like others have said, if you want a fancy restaurant then that’s your Standard and there’s nothing wrong with it. to me a coffee date shows you have no standards. I used to do them and since I’ve stopped I’ve met better quality men and I’ve gone on better dates.

If you're a coffee snob like me you may be able to turn this into a vetting opportunity. I wouldn't do this on a first date (because I don't want to introduce my favorite café to a potential creep), but I have had guys try to go cheap after a few dates and suggest a coffee date. If they seem relatively normal and stable I'll suggest this cute French café owned and operated by Koreans that I adore (it's a franchise so I can pick one away from home). It's instantly obvious if he was trying to low ball me. Who orders $3 refillable drip coffee when there's single source, organic, roasted in small batches and hand ground MASTERPIECES out there?! Plus a cute plate FULL of $4 a piece macaroons, oh my heart. The right café can be the same as a decent dinner. Fuck bois always bail after that one, or the eye rolls give them away lol

*Edit- I forgot to add that I do go on walking dates twice a day... With my dog. My dog gives me unconditional love and undying loyalty. It will take at least that much for me to go on a walk with a dude.

Ladies, I think I already know the answer but I'd like some clarification/support just in case: if he offers a coffee date right off the bat (via dating app let's say), do we immediately un-match or tell that's not what we want and see if he comes up with anything better? Or is that a waste of time?

I did try doing this a couple times and the effort didn't seem to improve (ex: "you've never had a coffee date??") and I ended up un-matching/blocking anyway...so, would a man worth dating ever offer coffee in the first place as a "date"? I feel like it's no, but I also feel like "coffee dates" are stupidly common now because of how lame and low-effort current dating culture is, and I keep getting that FOMO feeling when I toss yet another coffee date-man in the bin.

This is kind of rambling but I'm frustrated with the lack of effort and interest...just when it seems like there could be some potential for a relationship he goes and sh*ts the bed with a limp-wristed, non-committal "wanna get coffee sometime 😚" or the date-rapey "wanna get drinks? 😏"

I have nice dresses in my closet...jewelry, makeup..I'm not putting all that together for Dunkin' Donuts or a seedy dive bar.

I agree that walks can be pretty romantic for a date but I don't think that should be the WHOLE date. For the first date with my current partner, we went to the theater and then after that we went for a long walk around the city.

But having sex with a woman they don’t know is not a problem? typical dumb pickme women.

Danger is the problem. He can kill you while you're out together in the park.