What do I do when a guy asks for coffee/boba date

When I resumed OLD after finding FDS, I first tried alternate suggestions. A guy would propose a drink or coffee, I would say that I prefer dinner. I had multiple men acquiesce and take me on dinner dates instead. The thing is, they were still LVM. An LVM who you convince to take you out on a dinner date is still an LVM and cannot be salvaged. So after a few dead-end first dates, I learned my lesson - anytime a guy mentioned drinks, coffee, a walk date, or “meeting up”/“hanging out”, it was an instant unmatch. My HVM boyfriend (who I met on OLD) not only asked me on a dinner date, but he suggested a restaurant that fit the cuisine I mentioned on my profile. If he wanted to, he would!

#BlockandDelete

Unmatch

If you're not in high school, coffee/boba isn't a date. A man is supposed to prove that he wants to provide for you by taking you out. I went on 1 coffee date many years ago on a Saturday morning. Dude showed up in his pajamas, unshaved, no shower, and I'd dressed nicely, showered, applied makeup and perfume all to be greeted by Mr. No Effort. I declined the 2nd date and told him it was due to his clear lack of effort. The beginning of courtship is as good as it gets. If the first date isn't a real date, what is the point?

Boba date lmao

OLD is trash, first and foremost. But even so, anytime a man throws you a low ball, it is always a block and a delete. No asking him why, no crying to him or trying to change his mind so that he can take you out on a dinner date. He's already decided that you're worth barely two dollars for a crappy cup of coffee from some cheap place.

Don't accept that disrespect. Unmatch and move on.

My latest way of answering. If they ask very soon, I unmatch, like if it's within the first 15 messages. Bro you don't know me, I don't know you, not spending any energy going anywhere for you if you don't put any effort into checking anything about me besides how I look, is what I think.

If we've been talking a bit longer and he asks, I say that I don't drink coffee nor beer ( standard here, and also because I really don't), but mention that I do like food.

Then I mention that "before I accept any invitation to anything, I would like to know more about him."

I then suggest a small game of rapid fire questions game, one of them is the cool girl what porn he watches, but that's only after a few other questions, so I sandwich the question into others that are indicators for other things that I would like to know (cooking etc).

95% of the guys weed themselves out and some seem to be happy to go into gross detail, as if they're just waiting on their kinkerella to share their depravity with.

If they ask back if I do, I say i don't (women aren't expected to like it here that much), and I switch topics, after all, it's rapid fire questions. 2-3 more random questions and then I block.

Very few guys didn't watch or like porn for various reasons, but they weeded themselves oit for other reasons.

Edit because I was on my mobile earlier, edited for clarity.

Unmatch.

I don't have the time to acknowledge dumb requests.

I’d just say, I prefer a proper dinner date. Makes your expectations clear and then it’s on him to step up. His response will tell you your next actions.

Okay is FDS take on coffee specific to OLD because I for my own benefit would not go to dinner with a man I’ve never met. Most of the time they are weird or unattractive or creepy so I insist on a short first meet that I can get out of. I would not do dinner anymore. I have before and wanted out so bad and hated it. I’d say 6 out of 10 meet ups are gonna be a turn off, and that’s of the people who seem cool over chat. So if I were a guy I would not start with dinners any of the guys I know who’ve been good guys I did not meet online however and they DID ask for an actual date. OLD I feel like is such a crap shoot because it basically sets people up to be devalued. You can‘t be very invested in someone you’ve never met & the whole matching and texting removes any test of character. Then to me, the guys who want to call right away are desperate because why do they want to spend hours talking to a woman they’ve never met in person? it’s like they need to sell you right away cause women never like them so before you talk to any other man they need to swoop in aggressively. IDK my attitude to online dating is negative. I feel like on the male side it’s a bunch of losers. Yes there’s been some exceptions but they are the rare exceptions. I think it’s a cesspool and for men it’s sex sourcing.

A man’s initial offer is based on:

1. what he has to offer. Broke men offer coffee and budget dates.

2. what he wants to offer. He is being cheap.

3. how he is budgeting to date. Low effort, low cost dates means he has higher possibility for dating/sex with multiple women. Vs a man who is focused on dating a smaller pool of women he actually likes.

Any time a man changed his initial offer from coffee to dinnet- he eventually defaulted to his dusty ways.

"Do you want to go grab coffee?"

"No thank you."

Just explain that you don’t need to go out of your way to meet him for coffee or boba. He can call ahead to pay for your coffee or boba and you can pick it up at your convenience. Might as well pick his pockets if you’re dealing with a cheap one. And this way he saves money on the drink he doesn’t have to get himself.