What are your (personal) boundaries and standards in dating?

Boundaries = Respect. They are rules for how others are allowed to treat you. When boundaries are broken with men you just walk away especially when you already clearly stated your boundary.

So people calling you 1am to wake your ass up is a boundary violation in my book.

Like examples of my boundaries are:

1. Men aren't allowed to call me misogynistic slurs even as "jest"

2. My physical space must always be respected, if I say don't tickle me then it has to stop immediately. And I hate guys that like try to do the "ok now give me a kiss" when my body language is clearly upset.

3. Do not wake me up unless I state it's okay. I've had men and women always just walk in my room to wake me up for trivial questions or statements. I think because I work nights my day time sleep isn't taken seriously.

Standards are what character traits or qualities you uphold people to. Most of us are socialized to have veeeery low standards, so FDS teaches you basic standards and qualities that you vet men for in your dating process. Since we have such low standards, these can seem "harsh" or "mean" at first but they're just basic traits of human decency at the end of the day that we've been made to believe is impossible to find.

Like some basic FDS standards in men are: Must be generous with his time and money. Does not watch porn. Hygienic and keeps a clean living space. Manages his money responsibly. No addictions. Communicates to you with respect and is attentive to your needs. Goes above and beyond to make you happy and make your life better according to your preferences. FDS raises the standards to help women select well rounded men who have worked on themselves and treat women very very well. We're done with men who are "oh but he's a nice guy ya he watches porn sometimes but thats ok he tells me about it and doesn't hide it!!"

Then I have some personalized standards that other women may not have like:

1. No allergies to animals.

2. Must enjoy giving oral.

3. Earns more than me.

4. Not a picky eater.

And your personal standards can be things like: shares the same faith as you, loves your tarantula collection, passionate about protecting the environment, shares the same political beliefs as you, or anything looks wise like if they have facial hair, must have hair, height, penis size, works out a lot, chubby and cute, etc etc.

He has to keep making me feel good with him. That's my biggest standard.

I have insomnia so "no late night calls/texting" is both a boundary and a standard for me. If I'm up late and see some fuckboy called me or is texting me it will disturb my ability to rest and fall asleep which I already struggle with. If he knows I have insomnia and harasses at night as a result because he knows I'm probably awake anyway I immediately get rid of him. It's insulting to be treated as his personal entertainment clown because he gets bored after the bars closed. Insomnia is hard enough to live with without the addition of shitty men trying to take advantage of it. Honestly I should probably use this as a vetting strategy at this point because it's so consistent. If I tell a guy I have insomnia and he says, "so I can call you at 2am?" that's an instant block and delete.

Obviously I'm biased but I think the same applies to women without insomnia. There's not much that effects your health and mood as much as sleep, so if a scrote is messing with your sleep in any way that's a big red flag imo. That's probably why it's counted as a good standard in the first place. Drunk dialing is not a good excuse for him trying to fuck with your sleep.

I think only you can decide whether his behavior falls into boundary-breaking territory. However, right at the jump you described yourself as being not excited about him. So if he’s not exciting you, and he’s making you feel icky, what are you getting out of seeing him? I would for sure be doing a block and delete, myself.

A standard is something about the other person, so that they are tall rich and handsome for example.

A boundary is about behaviour. Some boundaries are societally accepted; I would not for instance look through a woman's handbag as I know very well that this is a boundary. Others can be personal - perhaps you don't like to be hugged. If they hug you without permission, that is a boundary crossed.

Your fella by these definitions - this is definitely a behaviour and therefore a boundary. Calling someone in the middle of the night is a no-no unless it's an emergency.

This gets asked a lot, and I get why.

some odd standards things i have and I want to add that I have not seen before here:

dudes with a foot fetish are a red flag to me now. I can’t really say why, but I get the feeling it is some porn sick thing. I had never ran across them before but had two men I have dated this year eventually reveal a foot fetish to me. Made me want to keep my shoes and socks on to avoid being sexualized, when I usually would not think about it. It felt like the responsibility was on me to not turn them on, accidentally.

an obsession with, and pushing, to get sushi or Korean or Thai food for dates, despite me saying I’m not super into those foods. it’s super specific but I had an ex whose obsession with eating those foods seemed to be a big part of a whole Asian fetish thing for him. like, anime, Asian women, generally expecting women to be docile. Idk how it connected but it just did in that case. The next time I dated someone and they insisted on getting sushi after a few dates when I had turned it down on previous dates, letting them know that I like pizza and burgers and Italian food and Greek food, I was instantly turned off. I guess it was also about them not listening to and dealing with my preferences of food and pushing boundaries when it came to that but it was also about the actual incompatibility of them adoring types of foods that I really am not excited to eat.

I've had this happened a few times. I text back, "I'm not a fucking bootycall. BLOCKED" Then block and delete.

Waits patiently for a woman to feel safe and greenlight sex, does not push for it to happen before that!