The first sexual comment before that phase of the relationship is an immediate block and delete. If I feel like a piece of meat at any point it is an immediate deal breaker.
GUURRLLL YES. if i so much as hear the first syllable of “penis”, “hip thrust”, or “doggy style” i’m OUT.
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Replying to
In recent years, I have had the misfortune of going on dates with two men who brought up polyamory on the first date. The men were disgusting and verbally coercive. (Obviously there were no second dates.)
Promoting polyamory, even in the absence of explicitly sexual language, also qualifies as a "sexual comment".
Disrespect. Even minor things that aren’t respectful. Like reschedule a date because his pal gave a ring to hang out. Or name calling. I don’t care that men aren’t perfect. Even an idiot can remain respectful.
Lying, laziness, not taking care of their personal hygiene. Skipping showers and not wiping your ass properly and leave the toilet dirty is something I find offensive because I don’t want to smell you Or feel like I’m dealing with a dirty toddler.
And the rules for thee but not for me attitude. I had that nonsense when I grew up in an abusive pickme household and I don’t tolerate that from men. You‘re either capable of meeting The standards you put for others or piss off. And he shouldn’t dish out what he can’t take.
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Men with close female friends will gaslight you to high heaven trying to convince you they're "just friends". Meanwhile, they'll triangulate or cheat 99.9999% of the time.
"No close female friends" is a hard boundary for me.
32
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Replying to
Yup, one of my ex's who claimed his female friend was just a friend, fast forward 2 years and now they got identical twin boys together. No close female friends..NOPE.
My ex insisted he was always loyal and never inappropriate with women while at the same time telling me he had an interest in sleeping with some of his female college friends. The gaslighting is real. When I broke up with him and coincidentally had already found someone else (it wasn't planned, I didn't cheat, and I would have broken up anyway), he got soooo mad at me for doing this to him. Lol. At least I had the balls to break up when I realized I wanted something else in a relationship. He basically said all his loyalty was "for nothing" because he thought by staying faithful he could guarantee that at least I wouldn't find someone else either. Like: if I'm not allowed to sleep around then you're not allowed to date someone else. As if there was any connection. He would have been free to sleep around as much as he wanted to but not while in a relationship with me. He had a hard time grasping that concept. lmao. Edit: he has a new gf as well, I don't know who and I won't try to find out, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of those women he always wanted to go after but didn't because I was "prudish" for wanting monogamy.
No touching without my permission. Even if we've been dating for several weeks.
Any man less than 6'4" tall. I am 6' tall and I'm absolutely sick of dealing with short men's insecurities.
Men who think they can change my mind about not having children. Hard pass.
Men who try to turn things that are perfectly innocent sexual (like the fact that I own/ride a large black stallion, god I am so sick of that bullshit, it's the breed standard moron!).
Men who want me to drink on dates. Nope.
Any man who dismisses my personal safety measures as extreme. Or pushes for info I'd rather keep to myself until he's proven trustworthy. Instant ick.
Kinks. Any. Hard pass.
Ripped jeans. I don't even wear them myself (unless I am painting, because that's what my jeans get demoted to once they rip).
Men who live to hunt or fish. Around here it's a freaking plague the men who center their lives around hunting/fishing and seem to have no other interests other than eating, sleeping, and sex when they come home. Also, they always think they're entitled to hunt on our family land after a couple dates and NOPE, not until I got a ring and he's been INVITED by my dad (it's never happened lol).
Unkempt beards. If I wanted a guy with an epic beard I'd date Gandalf. Plus, beards make me think of men I am related to including my dad. Hard pass.
31
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Replying to
Beards are teeming with bacteria and they gross me out.
That study showed that like 80% (it was an insanely high number) of beards had fecal matter in them from men not washing their hands after using the bathroom and not washing their beards regularly.
And dude thinks he's gonna rub it on me? OH HELL NAH.
Oh dear! btw, its quite common to get acne after kissing someone with a stubble (happened to me).
Unknown member
Apr 12, 2023
A man not respecting my NO's. My NO should be respected the very first time.. if a man does not respect your NOs it's a sign that he is trying to control and manipulate you.
25
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
No bisexual men or men on the down low. No last minute dates. A man who does this does not respect your time.
Ohhhh yes this is one of my biggest icks as well. Tbh I have developed an aversion to male "intellectuals" because of this. I like a smart man, but he can't be so smart that his whole life and identity revolves around his intelligence.
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Replying to
So often intelligent men(or those that think they are) cant help but be dicks about it
And more often than not they are wrong about everything.
Unknown member
Apr 13, 2023
Such good answers, thanks everyone! One of my boundaries is that I will not build a man up or take over his responsibilities for him or pick up his slack ie doing his tidying, booking appointments for him, doing basic shit a man should be able to do himself. I think over time they resent you for it and it lowers your value to them. Also I wont tolerate name calling(being called a bitch or anything like that) even in a jokey way. I've had that happen before and I think its a very slippery slope with men. Also anal sex. Gtfo with that shit.
Yes. It grinds my gears when family/friends do it, but there’s something about men doing it, who don’t have the privilege of familiarity or closeness to us, that it could be from a mistaken place of care. Just reeks of control and ‘I know better than you’ attitude. The audacity, when it comes to someone commenting on MY life, says enough.
- not going out of my way to educate, hand-hold and "build" someone
- no sexual deviants -- vanilla and monogamous only
- no meat eaters
- needs to have good manners always (saying please and thank you, offering help, chivarly, not showing up to someone's home empty-handed, table manners), behave like a barbarian once and you're out
- no substance abuse of any kind (includes people who need 4 cups of coffee to function)
- no raising of his voice, I am very easily startled and it sends me into a panic attack
- no debating my boundaries, any reaction other than "got it, I'll make sure to do/not do it" is unacceptable
- no commitment-phobia, no clinging to his teenage years, no obsession with "freedom"
- no party animals
- no lecturing me like a college professor -- I've met too many men who like to bask in their own intellect way too much
- no manbabies who depend on me to do basic adulting
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The first sexual comment before that phase of the relationship is an immediate block and delete. If I feel like a piece of meat at any point it is an immediate deal breaker.
Disrespect. Even minor things that aren’t respectful. Like reschedule a date because his pal gave a ring to hang out. Or name calling. I don’t care that men aren’t perfect. Even an idiot can remain respectful.
Men with close female friends will gaslight you to high heaven trying to convince you they're "just friends". Meanwhile, they'll triangulate or cheat 99.9999% of the time.
"No close female friends" is a hard boundary for me.
No touching without my permission. Even if we've been dating for several weeks.
Any man less than 6'4" tall. I am 6' tall and I'm absolutely sick of dealing with short men's insecurities.
Men who think they can change my mind about not having children. Hard pass.
Men who try to turn things that are perfectly innocent sexual (like the fact that I own/ride a large black stallion, god I am so sick of that bullshit, it's the breed standard moron!).
Men who want me to drink on dates. Nope.
Any man who dismisses my personal safety measures as extreme. Or pushes for info I'd rather keep to myself until he's proven trustworthy. Instant ick.
Kinks. Any. Hard pass.
Ripped jeans. I don't even wear them myself (unless I am painting, because that's what my jeans get demoted to once they rip).
Men who live to hunt or fish. Around here it's a freaking plague the men who center their lives around hunting/fishing and seem to have no other interests other than eating, sleeping, and sex when they come home. Also, they always think they're entitled to hunt on our family land after a couple dates and NOPE, not until I got a ring and he's been INVITED by my dad (it's never happened lol).
Unkempt beards. If I wanted a guy with an epic beard I'd date Gandalf. Plus, beards make me think of men I am related to including my dad. Hard pass.
A man not respecting my NO's. My NO should be respected the very first time.. if a man does not respect your NOs it's a sign that he is trying to control and manipulate you.
No bisexual men or men on the down low. No last minute dates. A man who does this does not respect your time.
Such good answers, thanks everyone! One of my boundaries is that I will not build a man up or take over his responsibilities for him or pick up his slack ie doing his tidying, booking appointments for him, doing basic shit a man should be able to do himself. I think over time they resent you for it and it lowers your value to them. Also I wont tolerate name calling(being called a bitch or anything like that) even in a jokey way. I've had that happen before and I think its a very slippery slope with men. Also anal sex. Gtfo with that shit.
Unsolicited advice/mansplaining. Can’t tolerate it.
Some of them are:
- not going out of my way to educate, hand-hold and "build" someone
- no sexual deviants -- vanilla and monogamous only
- no meat eaters
- needs to have good manners always (saying please and thank you, offering help, chivarly, not showing up to someone's home empty-handed, table manners), behave like a barbarian once and you're out
- no substance abuse of any kind (includes people who need 4 cups of coffee to function)
- no raising of his voice, I am very easily startled and it sends me into a panic attack
- no debating my boundaries, any reaction other than "got it, I'll make sure to do/not do it" is unacceptable
- no commitment-phobia, no clinging to his teenage years, no obsession with "freedom"
- no party animals
- no lecturing me like a college professor -- I've met too many men who like to bask in their own intellect way too much
- no manbabies who depend on me to do basic adulting
No dating until 30s for me