What are the best ways to set boundaries on your time? Looking for strategies

Decline to see him unless he provides a specific date, time, and location. Die while waiting for this to actually happen BECAUSE THEY NEVER DO IT. If they do, just say you can only stay until X time because you have something else to do after. There's a handbook post about being busy.

Read “Why Men Love Bitches” not a fan of the title but good book about setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself especially when it comes to dating. If you’re busy or need time to yourself, don’t squander by accommodating a man.

I think this is why it’s good to be genuinely busy. My last relationship was flawed and I exited but I also did plenty right.

I invest in my friendships and romantic stuff fits the gaps afterwards. I remember one weekend when I was visiting friends but kind of fancied doing a thing on the Sunday night. It was the only night he could’ve seen me in a fortnight so despite him having work the next day I rocked up at his place and he drove us to the thing. We got back really late.

What’s important is this wasn’t a game. I genuinely had a really full life and he could embrace my windows of time or not. I’d never been so strict (not by plan, I genuinely had very limited childcare) and was blown away by how much he clearly liked it and rose to the occasion. Just… have an awesome life. I really think that’s the key.

the way you act when getting to know someone does teach them how to treat you. I don’t explain things to people-I learned from my own family, who gossip a lot, so when I get asked nosy questions, I just shrug and dont answer/vague answer. I don’t like giving them any reason to feel entitled to knowing any of my business that I don’t want them to.

“why you leaving?” “Got things to do” “what things?” “Personal things.” “Oh like what?” *uncomfortable silence* then I say goodbye. After i acted this way for a while they stopped asking me nosy questions so often. They know that it will end up awkward for them.

the most explanation I’ve given a man in a while who has done that is “I’m not feeling up to it” other than the usual “I’m busy tonight” “can’t talk right now”.

remember it’s none of their business if you don’t want it to be. (And if they keep pushing you then they are much easier to cut out completely than family!)

-No last minute plans

-Nothing that compromises proper sleep and meals

-nothing that compromises lifestyle choices that you have made to better yourself

I set boundaries aggressively super early, so now If they’re blowing up my phone I just tell them “leave me be” and they fuck right off until I get back to them. And in person I’d just say “I got other shit to do, so I’m leaving now. I’ll text you later” and actually leave. At that point they’re not even voicing that they might be offended, because they know I don’t care. They know my time comes first, they also know I don’t negotiate on my boundaries.

I'm in a good relationship (about one year now) so my strategies might not apply to a newer relationship, but one thing I had to do early on (not just vis-a-vis my bf, but in general) was to turn off all electronics an hour before I turn out my light. For me, that means a solid hour of no TV, no laptop, and no phone before I go to sleep. I use that time in various ways -- reading a book or practicing a bit of music or maybe doing a craft. I don't have a lot of people I talk to in the evening anyway, just my bf and one family member, but I made sure they both knew this rule. And when I go to sleep, I mute everything on the phone except for the ringer. I keep that on for emergencies, and like @TikTok, I've never had anyone abuse the privilege.

When I visit my bf's house, I tell him in advance when I'll be arriving and approximately when I'll be leaving, so he has time to get used to the idea and plan accordingly.

If a man is having trouble with your reasonable, calm, clearly-stated scheduling needs -- not just a one-off "Oh, do you have to go??" but repeated attempts to wear you down or get you to change -- then he is not someone I'd want to hang out with!

"don't call before 12 pm and don't call after 10 pm." Is my rule.

in addition to all the suggestions you received, i would like to add one more: if you are struggling with setting boundaries, spend time with yourself. be intentionally single instead of dating to find the one. boundaries are not meant to be programmed with an on/off switch; they are supposed to be there for life and if you can't set any that you are comfortable with asserting then you have to soul search for yours.

Whenever I'm dating, I respond to texts from about 5-8 pm (pick whatever time works for you, and be firm with that). You don't need to point it out; most people pick up on patterns and the pressure to text at all hours of the day won't be there. My phone's often on silent, which helps... however the biggest thing is to genuinely decentre men and be focusing on other things. I'm doing a PhD, studying for exams, have friends, hobbies, etc. I honestly find that since I'm so activity/output focused I don't need to actively search for men (dating apps, go to events with the intention of meeting them) because they just pop up while I'm doing other things 😅 I swear, it's like they can sniff out when you've got your own thing going on.

Any well-adjusted guy isn't going to try to monopolise your time, esp. at the beginning. Putting down boundaries is a skill and it'll get easier everytime you do it. I'm pretty feminine, smile on my face, when I'm tired I just tell them I'm tired and they should get going 🥰 Works great xo

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