What are signs that he won’t cheat?

A better question is, “How do I structure my life so that if he does cheat, I can safely and relatively painlessly kick him to the curb while continuing to focus on my own goals, happiness, and future?” Do not let any man, even your husband should you choose to get married, be more important than your own joy. You can’t predict whether he’ll cheat no matter how HV he seems. You can’t control his actions. But you can definitely set yourself up so that if he makes that foolish, disastrous mistake, you have the resources and wherewithal to delete him from your life and bounce back quickly. We can’t surrender any aspect of our power to men, especially by trying to read their minds or engaging in futile pickme behaviors so that they don’t do the things they planned to do all along. Will he cheat? Maybe, no matter how much vetting you do. Will you let him put so much as one toe across the threshold of your life ever again if he cheats? Absolutely not. The first time he is unfaithful should be the last time he ever has access to you again. Even if you share children and must coparent together, his choice to betray you must result in being utterly shut out of your personal life, forever. Gray rock technique and basic civility to keep up appearances for the children, but never more than that. Men have to learn the hard way that infidelity results in permanent rejection and ostracism. If he cheats on you, it is his loss and you are better off now that the trash has taken itself out. Don’t worry about whether it will happen, but what you will do if it does.

Isn't this the million dollar question that women would pay to know. It's up there with "Where do I find HVM who are attracted to me?" And "How do I avoid fuckbois?"

I think there is no guarantee. But there are certain qualities to look out for, like being honest in other areas of his life, respecting you, being his authentic self around you, etc. In my experience, men who regard you as their equal and see you for who you are (vs. seeing you as an opportunity) are unlikely to cheat.

I talked to a HVM once, well, HVM is a strong word to describe him, but he's definitely one of the most decent young men I know, and he said that men who don't wanna cheat won't put themselves in a situation when it's likely to cheat. It's a firm decision not to cheat. Which is kinda sad when you think about it.

I would say (also summarizing some of the things that were said before): - Healthy self-worth/esteem and generally happy with their lives/achievements --> less likely to be validation seeking through other women - Really wants YOU as a person --> fear of losing you - Has invested TEEM (time, energy, effort, money) into the relationship consistently --> again, more to lose - Willing to be transparent --> has nothing to hide and cares about you feeling safe emotionally - Shows integrity and honesty in other aspects of life (like paying ppl back) --> he cares about being in alignment with morals - Understands healthy boundaries with other women --> mature and understands monogamy takes work - Doesn't act entitled towards you giving him love/sex all the time (even when it doesn't suit you). If he has needs, he addresses them like a respectful adult.--> Won't use that resentment to justify stepping out

Cheating is a character issue, and something even a HVW can be a victim of. We cannot control what others do, but we can listen to our intuition and protect ourselves. +1 to the ladies here advocating for self-protection (finances, living situations, prenups).

Check out Chump Lady's website. Cheating is a narcissistic behavior (not saying people who cheat are automatically diagnosably personality disordered). So, look for signs indicating selfishness, lack of seeing you for who you are, a cycle of idealization-devaluation-discard, shadiness, dishonesty, changing stories, etc. If he uses social media (especially follows insta models), uses porn/strip clubs, or has friends who cheat/excuse cheating, those are red flags.

I agree with the comments saying that you can never know for sure, and there isn't some observable "signal" that shows he would never cheat. You never fully know someone's mind and most halfway decent people don't parade their darkest thoughts and desires, so there's no outward characteristic or behavior that can show you that the impulse to cheat is NOT there. However, I think there are a few things that make it less likely to make someone want to cheat, like not entertaining close relationships with women that could be of interest to him, leading a lifestyle and having a job that doesn't routinely put him on front of eligible women, no/little "online life", not conventionally attractive enough to get much female attention, displaying integrity in all other parts of life, no misogyny (duh)... None of these are a guarantee though. Avoiding temptations will only get you so far, a man who wants to cheat will do so.

I don't think there's really a way to tell. But I guess try and get his take on why people cheat. If he says bored or feeling unappreciated that's a red flag. If he says he doesn't understand why people cheat and that they should just break up if they want to cheat that's a better sign. ( Could still be a cheater though).

While there are no guarantees, be aware of the signs that point to a man being more likely to cheat.

A history of cheating. If you can dig a little into the conditions around past relationships and why they ended, always very revealing.

Snoop. His. Phone. (I have some tips for this posted in Ask FDS in Secret). A deep dive ladies.

Beware of men who travel for work. Also any unexplained "late nights".

I agree with what has been said so far about just decentering your life from men in general and being prepared for and able to sustain yourself should things go other than planned. Your life should not revolve around worry, but your consistent strength and character.

With that I wanted to add a positive quality. A man that simply never puts you in a position to worry. If he’s traveling without you, he’s getting his own hotel room. Not staying in touch with old flings or being open to sticking around if they show up at a gathering. Being very present. Being consistent and reliable in communication or expected gaps of communication. Those examples came to mind and I think just consistent safe behaviors.

None of these examples though mean he won’t cheat, I know there are guys who do these things and still cheat. It’s those nuanced things I’ve noticed when they take effort to take care of consistently and unprompted, in addition to their other qualities, that help signal commitment and respect of the relationship. A huge part of vetting for me is also not dating strangers. I like to see how they show up with and interact in different contexts even if separated by a few degrees, someone I trust and highly regard needs to know them for me to even accept.

i suspect all men cheat given the opportunity to do so. if he's not attractive, he'll have less opportunities, therefore less probability to cheat. they always think they can do better, even when they are NVM. so i don't know... i wish i had something more useful to write here, since that's what you trully asked. but i don't, sorry.

I had a man that seemed:

"honest in other areas of his life, respecting you, being their authentic self around"

He lead a double life.

There are zero signs. They all cheat at some point of their lives. Young and want to spread their seed, mid life crisis, late life crisis etc insert any of their other excuses.

He can't cheat on you if you're single, meaning he's single too coz no self respecting woman will touch a cheater.

No heart beat.

Personally I've found the odds are better with men who find themselves surrounded by women (as opposed to seeking out female company) and who cut them down immediately when they're being inappropriate, they have plenty of practice at seeing situations that could be problematic coming. It sounds counterintuitive but I've dated guys who were well known in their local scene (musicians, actors etc), they were coveted by women and resented being hit on, they liked to be the one doing the chasing and found women approaching them emasculating, of course if the guy likes that kind of attention it would be the opposite situation.

I came across a few studies that pointed to certain groups or attitudes more likely to cheat but I'll have to look it up again. I think one group was men who earnt less than their partner, something along the lines of men like to feel masculine and respected and they're inclined to cheat if they don't feel that with their partner. I don't have personal experience with that but I have been sabotaged and fought with men in that situation so I avoid it for that reason. Mostly I've found it's the opposite, the guy has too much power in the relationship rather than not enough.

His friends, if they're cheats and disrespect women, or if they want to break you up, they'll put him in compromising situation as and otherwise sabotage.

He has the ability to truly feel empathy and sympathy for other people.

There’s no a truly sure way to know. A lot of PEOPLE cheat because the opportunity was there. As simple as that.