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Hey all, recovering pickme here. I'm so grateful to FDS as a space for women to recognize their worth and change the narrative. I recently got out of a long-term relationship and I'm doing to work to recover from my pickme self and co-dependent tendencies. I've been doing therapy, a lot of journaling, building my girl squad, I have a stack of books to read (The Rules, Why Men Love Bitches. etc). It feels like a lifetime of habits and conditioning to reverse. If anyone has suggestions on how to accelerate this process I would love it.
My next step is that I wan to use online dating to practice cutting men off at the first sign of low-value status. I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet, but I want to get this skill honed for when I am. I've previously always operated from a scarcity mindset and I am done with that. I heard of this concept from one of the podcasts but now can't remember which one. Tell me if you have used this strategy and any words of advice. Thanks!
I would advice you start with cutting out LVM, NVM, ZVM that are actually in your life. I am quite sure every woman have a pussy hovering 'friend' or just acquaintances that are clearly interested in you as a woman and text occasionally on IG to 'check up' etc etc. Back when I was doing so called deep cleaning I was so petty that if the thought of talking to them (both men and women) made me a bit tense I cut them out. Never looked back!
You will decrease the level of stress to tons but also strengthen your ability to be ruthless. Once boundaries are drawn it is wise to clean up the territory first before starting to acquire new flow of people.
I honestly don't see the point on going to OLD to "practice". Here's why:
Like you, I also tried to practice vetting men on OLD. I got frustrated and tired easily. It's basically like "rejecting" men on easy mode. You will get bored of the same thing over and over. Men just "wyd"-in you, or inviting you to a beer at his place.
Rejecting a man after exchangig a couple of words over a messaging platform will not give you real world experience and will be basically useless. I am talking by my own experience. I have been on and off OLD for almost three years and I can say that 100 % of my matches were a waste of time.
You'll probably find yourself browsing for hours and hours, just to get a match or two, so you can reject them.
Is better to practice with the people in your life, like stated above. Besides, irl things are more nuanced. It can get very difficult to spot a red flag on a very charismatic and charming guy irl, if you have only practiced on OLD. It may make it even more difficult, I would say.
So go out there and have some real life practice, talk with men at bars, say no to the rude guy, who approached you at the metro, call out your colleague for his bigot comment, tell that guy you liked and ghosted you to just f* off when he comes back... That's how you will really learn. And it will save you hundreds of hours of your time, and your sanity.
I agree with both ladies. It’s easy to reject an anonymous guy, but the challenge is in real life - blocking scrotes in your everyday life, walking away from a guy after you’ve started to like him, etc. For example, I met a guy at the weekend. Old me would’ve thought okay he’s iffy and I’m not sure but I’ll make allowances. FDS me said ask him questions to vet him before you even give him your number (think of it as pre-block and delete). There were multiple red flags that occurred during normal conversation, one of them was several sexual comments, which alerted me that this is a guy looking for something casual, so I walked away.
Agreeing with everyone here. Rejecting men on OLD is extremely simple stuff; most of who you’ll meet there can barely keep their masks on long enough to form a complete sentence. For a real challenge, go outside. Get your practice with men who corner you in cafes or ask for directions you know they don’t need, stuff like that. You’ll get fewer opportunities (I hope), but you’ll learn much faster.