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So, hey again.
I want to first thank everyone who commented on my first post.
I took the comments to heart, and after much discussion with myself, my therapist, and my close friends, I ended things with him this evening.
I'm currently still crying my eyes out, as I feel extremely bad for him. He took it very maturely, listened to me patiently and didn't try to guilt trip me into staying.
He's really a stand up guy, and I wish him the best. We just weren't compatible, and that's ok.
I'm going to take things on my own time for now, and focus on myself for the next year(s) or so. I guess this is where I start my leveling up journey, haha.
I'm here for advice again — but this time, on how to get over a breakup! It was my first relationship, and thus also my first ever breakup.
I admit I'm having a hard time with it, even if I know it was for the best.
I already have things scheduled with my friends for the weekend, and I'm going to focus more on my work and (female) friendship... Maybe go back to the gym?
My family is being extremely supportive, as they also didn't really think we were the best match. My (actually HV) brother took my side completely, and is taking me to see a band I really like next weekend as a way to console me.
All in all, I guess I just need time to heal and be by myself. But knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less haha
Block him on every platform- it's so you aren't tempted and not so much to do with him. Unfortunately you just have to sit with the feelings and feel them fully, knowing you'll come through them. You're doing everything right in keeping busy and relying on your support network. It will get easier in time, you just have to ride it out rn. 🫂&♥️ To you
I had my first major breakup at 22 so I can relate. The breakup was rough but I had a huge amount of personal growth and leveling up after it. I started a gym routine and lost 27 pounds. I realized how much my LVM ex had been holding me back. Going on dates after the breakup helped me get over him and feel sexy and desirable again, but everyone is different and do what works for you.
What was hardest for me was feeling guilty that I was moving on quickly. I thought some huge wave of grief was going to hit me in a few months, or that I wasn't properly dealing with my emotions. But the end of a relationship looks different for everyone. I think you can make your outcome more positive by taking all the time and energy you were spending with him, and instead spend it on yourself.
Changing the context around you can also help your mind move on. Try to get rid of shared stuff, move apartments, paint, use a new scented air freshener, etc. If the environment around you is different, you will change too.
There's actually this interesting study of US soldiers who went to Vietnam. Many used opioids recreationally there. Everyone thought when they came to the US they would be addicted, but the majority of returning soldiers were able give up opioids because their context had completely changed.
Relationships can be like drugs, so changing the environment around you can help you break the yearning for it.
I suck at break ups so I don't have much advice, but I wanted to congratulate you for your bravery. It will be hard but you have a lot of HV people by your side, and at the end of the day, that's the key to a good life, so you'll be fine.
I love that your brother is supporting your decision. I never had anyone in my corner when I wanted to end terrible relationships.
This episode of the pod will help you immensely. https://open.spotify.com/episode/37fe4OcaE4e7glOFiF7Dym?si=EmEvxf4TTi-gUJC8Gc07Hw
If you ARE NOT CRAZY about him… DO NOT continue this relationship.