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Honestly, I can't remember the exact title I used for this post but this is pretty close to the one I used.
I made a post about this situation some months ago, about the boy I was talking to for a while. He had a situation with his ex, they were broken up and no contact but there were still things needed to be handled.
He wanted us to be a couple and work something out.
The post has long been removed as I thought I had moved one and I didn’t want to see or remember anything about the situation.
Maybe some of you would remember the post from my name.
However, I was very new to FDS and got some pretty good advice here. I felt so relieved finding this community and I was sure I was doing the right thing.
I went ahead to read the handbook, books and other recommendations I got here.
I also started my self discovery and healing journey, working out, eating right, focusing on school and every thing else.
I told him I didn't think I could do this whole thing with him anymore and he asked that I should be patient blah blah but I blocked him. It was just two weeks after I blocked him he sent me an email some saying he missed me and needed us to talk. I guess I wasn’t just confident in myself to stand my ground so I unblocked him.
He said he never wanted us apart, I am someone he would always want to be with, he wanted us to get serious and he didn’t have anything stopping him anymore.
I told him I didn’t want to deal with him and he had confused me a lot in the past, he promised he didn't have anything stopping him anymore and he wanted us. He made all these promises and stories about us being together.
I definitely still had some connection there and after he begged I agreed to see what it’s worth.
I was skeptical but I let it be as he seemed really serious about us.
I guess I had formed an attachment to him that I didn’t let myself break from.
Fast forward after a while of him asking to remain in my life, he dumps me and says he needs to experience the single life since he is fresh out of a relationship , he didn’t want to feel like he has to do things or live his life based on having a relationship. And that he still is attracted to me and likes me, we should be friends.
I tried to reason with him .
I did feel very foolish as I had already left the situation in the first place but got drawn back in just to be dumped and treated like a worthless crap.
I’ve since been trying to move past it and continue my healing but it seems even harder .
I feel like I was used /played, even when my instincts kept telling me this wasn’t it, but I rather trusted the words he told me.
I keep feeling like "he is the one that got away". I find myself still holding on and imagining those dreams he sold and how good we would have been together.
It’s as if I don’t value myself, definitely devalued myself to him.
How proud he must be of playing me and turning around to have me at his mercy asking that he changes his mind.
I know this isn’t very FDS of me, but is this normal to keep having these thoughts even though I know he isn't worth it.
Did any of you at some point have this experience of falling back for the games of a LVM and even afterwards still wishing it would have worked or like you still want them back?
I hope this isn’t a bad question to ask, I just want to know what the experience was like and how you manoeuvred it.
It’s as if I don’t even want to imagine him with another woman other than me and that is such a terrible feeling.
How do I stop feeling like he is the one that got away or like there is something special about him that I am missing.
How do I knock him off this pedestal?
He future faked you, got back together, got what he wanted (probably sex, attention, etc) then dumped you again as revenge, incidentally on you, making you confused all over again, but really on himself. He cut his nose off to spite his face. He doesn’t know what he wants. The whole thing about telling tales of being together was a power move to get you back in his life. He then felt he had leverage to keep or dump you. Utterly shitty of course. You took him at his word in good faith since that’s what most women do: we cooperate and collaborate. Meanwhile, he’s off on a whole other axis of, you guessed it, power and control. Ghost and move on with your glorious life! Your attention is the prize. Withhold at will.
Unfortunately, once your brain has made a bond, the amigdala takes over. This emotional part of the brain can't be reasoned with. Time, distance and distraction (keeping busy) are really the only ways to deal.
Your feelings are valid. Your feelings about how you feel are valid. Your feelings about your feelings about how you feel are valid. And so on and so forth as you zoom out on how you're thinking about the situation.
Make a list of everything wrong about him. Read this list over and over, like a mantra.
He is manipulating you! He wanted to get back with you to be the one to break it off. Men are fucking spiteful!!! Actions speak more than words can ever do. Love is an action verb. He wants to dip his dick into anything except you. Baby you deserve better. I know how it is especially when you love them but he is just using you. He made up his mind, he isn’t going to change it. He was likely being a player in the first place.
It is my utmost opinion, that most, if not all, men are susceptible to having revenge fantasies against the women who 'wronged' them, even if the said wrong is the correct thing to do from the woman's side. If the woman beat them to the punch of disengaging first, dumping them first, or needing space and time away first, it is no longer a game to them; they now have a mission to murder her, if not physically, then definitely emotionally and psychologically. They now have a revenge fantasy and a mission to bring her down, no matter the costs.
This is why when you ghost, block, dump a man, etc, you MUST not falter at all the pretty words they try to throw at you, because it's all fake anyway. They don't want YOU back. They want the POWER back in their hands. That's all. That's why it's super common for a man to beg a female ex-gf back, and once she comes back, for him to then dump her right back afterwards.
Men want to be the one who got away. Not the woman. Not you.
Never give a man an opportunity to humiliate you because he'll take it.
Well... it depends how strong you are feeling mentally, but if you really want to knock this arsehole off his pedestal for using you; make him think you're totally cool with casual sex, make him think there's a chance of another hook up but always have an excuse (feeling sick, have to get up early, parents coming around, whatever) then use him for whatever you need. Lawn mowing, moving stuff, lie to him and tell him you're pregnant and get him to give you the money for the morning after pill 🤣🤣🤣 Be careful, be strategic, then ghost 😈 Or just move on, he's really not worth the effort sis and he's not "the one that got away" because he already told you he doesn't want you.
I just wanted to mention the lowest value scrote, potentially in all humanity, Ted Bundy. He was dumped by a richer, more sophisticated and worldly woman that he was madly in love with. He upped his game for two years to the point where she was ready to marry him and he promptly dumped/ghosted her to get his revenge. TWO YEARS TO PLOT THIS REVENGE. Men are psychopathic; never give them the chance to humiliate you. They live for that shit. Always be the one to cut them off. I do feel for you in this situation, but this is classic manipulation to devalue yourself to chase him. You’re better than this. You’re a woman. You decide everything; they work for us. If they weren’t so dependent on us they wouldn’t be playing all these games to put us on the back foot.
Yes. I am going through this now with my current boyfriend. He has too many problems. I want to wait until marriage to have sex, he doesn’t. I am religious, he isn’t. I don’t even drink coffee, he smokes weed (supposedly occasionally but who knows). He has many toxico tendencies. Like I am embarrassed to repeat the stuff here. He is also suspicious of me cheating and I insecure. I have tried to break up with him before and he begs me to stay. When he gets in a bad mood, he gets in a BAD mood and can get verbally abusive and just all around toxic. I have nothing to say except that you aren’t alone. These guys are master manipulators. We also live in a world where men are extremely lazy about showing interest, so when a guy is sincere and forthcoming about his interest and doesn’t seem to be playing games or hard to get, we get attached. Like I would not put up with this guy’s toxico ways if he wasn’t declaring his love for me 24/7. If he ghosted me for a week I would feel emotional, but it would make it much easier for me to cut him off and move on.
HE DIDN'T VALUE YOU
HE LIED TO YOU
HE LED YOU ON
Remember this and knock him off that pedestal.
The best revenge is living well. Go live your best life without him.
P.S. Look at other men.
You say you tried to reason with him when he told you he wasn’t interested in you. You can’t reason someone into having character, and you can’t reason them into being attracted to you (on a more profound level, not just physically).