Until You Are Married... You Are SINGLE.

If there is one thing I want you all to learn as you embark on the FDS journey, specifically when it comes to finding a husband at the end of the road, is this: Until you are LEGALLY married, with a formal proposal, a wedding ring, a proper legalized ceremony, and a judge or priest or anyone else with the power to make you husband and wife in the place you reside in, and the marriage certificate that is approved in your country... you are hereby SINGLE and I hope you MINGLE.

Now, what do I mean this? A single person is easy to come to mind. They are someone who doesn't have anyone serious. Us women are incredibly sentimental people; we gush over the smallest things, like when a high school boyfriend adorns our finger with a promise ring. We think to ourselves, this is it, he must be very serious about us! We shall marry the summer after we graduate. And all the while, in the guy's head, he's thinking about what his bros are up to for tonight. And the cute exchange student that he's met in one of his classes that he is going to see this weekend behind your back. Oh, and his female best friend, whom he is more than certain he would not mind bearing his future children after he marries her.

Ouch.

Men operate in a very pragmatic manner in this situation. We can call them stupid all day long, but one thing they are incredibly intelligent in, is that they know better than to play the long game with just one prospect. Until he marries his girlfriend, he is as free as a bird and can do whatever he pleases. It's true, whether you like it or not. The law doesn't care about your relationship until then. He can show you off as a girlfriend to his friends and family, and still goes out of his way to meet other women, court them (under the guise of "she's just a coworker/friend") by taking them out to lunch, drinks, or dinner, messaging other women, flirting with other women, seeing exes, keeping female friends close to his chest, so on so forth. When girlfriends find all of this out, they are rightfully extremely hurt and upset by all of this. Is she not enough? Does he not love her?

Merely, she may not be the one for him. He's not sure of her. At least, for now. That's why he keeps his options open. And he will keep them open, until he recognizes, without a shadow of a doubt, that the woman that is standing right in front of him, is the one he is going to marry and go the distance for. It may be her, but most likely not. That's why he and other men do what they do.

Think of it this way. It's insurance for their hearts.

We have to give them props for this. They're not stupid. They always joke that women are the gatekeepers of sex while the men are the gatekeepers of love, commitment, and ultimately, marriage. This is debatable, but let's assume that this is the truth. Let's assume that the men are the ones who control who marries who at the end of things. So what do we do? What could an FDS-minded lady do when the game is designed like this?

She simply copies the men. She also, keeps her options open, until marriage. Now, this isn't me telling you to cheat on boyfriends. This isn't me saying you should be disloyal. Actually, I'd argue that a lot of modern women are WAY too loyal to men who don't deserve it. They act like loyal wives when they don't even have the ring to show for it. I always cringe when I hear or see a woman drop her friends, drop her scrotation, etc, for an idiot who laughs at her with his buddies behind her back. We've got to stop doing this. We need to stop dating and start courting. I believe there are differences between the two.

Courting is seeing someone and seeing if they are a possible match to become your life mate. Women date. Men court. Women act like wives first and then end up as forever girlfriends second. Men act single first and then end up happily married to the woman that they're crazy for second. Women date intentionally to one man and freeze out other prospects. Men court many different women, calls one or some (or all of them!) his girlfriend to keep the benefits rolling. You get the picture.

Here's how to keep your options open until you are married in a classy way:

1. Keep a scrotation. Date different men, as many that can at least intrigue you slightly and can pay the tabs for you. Have fun while dating these different men and don't feel guilty. You aren't sleeping with them. Sex is for commitment, after all.

2. Even if you really like one man that you have been seeing the past several weeks, continue to socialize like crazy. Network, mingle, date, go to bars and parties with your gal pals, meet new people. Some of the best love stories I've heard was when one person meets the love of their lives through a friend of a friend of another friend of a cousin of a sister of another friend etc. In other words, do not close yourself off from other possibilities even if one person feels promising. (Oneitis = DEATH) As an added bonus, when he sees that you will not stop your life for him, this will make him start sweating and wonder if he should pull out all the stops to cuff you.

3. Even if the man you really like brings up the conversation of commitment ("I'd love to be your boyfriend. Let's stop seeing other people."), even if you really like him a lot, even if you think this could be it........... and this is going to be hard............ keep your social calendar full and keep your heart open for new possibilities. I know. It's HARD. We were shamed and socialized as women to behave in an extremely chaste manner (only seeing one man at a time) in order to be respected. But think of it like this: Things can dramatically change in a few months time... nay, a few weeks or possibly days from now...... You cannot trust that this man would be your husband just because he says he wants to be your boyfriend. Sure, he might like you, your looks, the way you laugh, how you move, the way you dress, your accomplishments, personality, sense of humor, etc, enough to become your boyfriend......... but again....... by law, you are both still single and have the right to continue to look at other people curiously.

4. When you are the girlfriend, you continue to socialize and network for new friends. That's the keword here. Friends. You can still go out and have fun with your gal pals. You obviously don't go out on dinner dates with a man because that isn't socially acceptable when you have a boyfriend waiting by his phone. You obviously don't sleep around while dating or while you are the girlfriend (or wife!) because that's just... not going to lead you to the marriage of your dreams. But you can still talk to men on a friendly note. You can socialize with your coworkers and meet the people in their private lives... who knows, you might meet your actual future husband this way. ;) If a man asks if you are with someone, you can say, "There is someone in my life, but we're not married or engaged." <---- This is a polite way of saying that, while you do have a boyfriend, the ultimate commitment is still up in the air. This makes men respectful to not be skeevy towards you, but can still keep their eye on you and perhaps wait while you and the boyfriend decide if this will end in marriage or a breakup down the line. Talk to new men casually as friends and as coworkers... keep it professional yet friendly. Keep your gal pals; remember, these are your LIFELINES since they know other people and can introduce you to new possibilities. If you have a male friend who says he wants to take you out for business lunch, go for it. I mean it. Even if this male friend isn't the one... once again... he might know someone else that could be perfect for you. Men do this all the fricken time! Once again, this would make the boyfriend sweat and become very nervous, knowing you, the absolute gorgeous and sexy babe that you are, that all the other men are crazy for and may be able to finance an expensive ring for you, may prompt him to act quickly and rush to the nearest jewelry store to get you that blasted ring. Anything to make you stop going out on all of these innocent outings with other men! If he doesn't, he might lose you to another man, and that's something that the male ego takes HARD. He simply won't allow this. Bling bling, you win!

5. Finally, the proposal. Engagement is a beautiful time in a woman's life. If you follow all the other FDS rules (no sex until 2-3 months or more from the time a man announces he is now your boyfriend, no moving in until you two are married, etc), no doubt you are feeling very secure. Please be careful with this. Engagements can fall apart at any time and for the tiniest of reasons. Sometimes all it takes is one very ugly fight to break off the engagement and ruin the relationship, and you're back to being the boyfriendless girl. Until you walk down the aisle and say "I do", you are still in the eyes of the law, single. I can't tell you how many times I've come across men who admit that they had sex with an old girlfriend, a close female friend, a new girl that caught their eye, a sex worker or stripper, a young secretary, a neighbor, etc, literally WEEKS before the ceremony. That's just how men operate and see things... until he's married, he is single and free to do as he pleases. You obviously don't have reckless sex like the men, but you can still keep things open just like they do. Stay cool and pragmatic.

Until you are married, you are single. Repeat this mantra many times as you date and as you go through the throes of new love in a relationship and enjoying the highs of an engagement. Until you are married, you are single and free to keep your options open. That's what men do all this time and they get to marry the woman of their dreams this way. Why don't we do the same and find ourselves marry to the men of OUR dreams? 💍