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Hello ladies.
As the title says, in the past 3 months i have gone on dates with two guys that were super communicative and nice before meeting. However after the first date, they ghosted.
Now usually i wouldn't be bothered if this happened over a span of like lets say 1 or 2 years, but it happening in such a short time and one after one has made me sort of insecure-like something is wrong with me. I have been single for 2 years now and last time i've gone on a date was a year ago. Giving dates a chance proved to be unworthy.
I know that it probably isn't true and that i shouldn't oversweat this, but it has affected me because it never happened before. I didn't message them afterwards , just blocked.
How can i stop feeling this way...?
Edit: the dates were a dinner date and fds standard. The dates were enjoyable too, and the guys weren't low value upon first impressions but it is of course too early to judge.
They might have been looking for a hookup and when you didn't provide it to them, they ghosted. Many men think that if they go through the "approved procedure" of a date, aka taking her out to dinner and acting gentlemanly for like 2 hours, then there will be sex waiting at the end. The alternative to ghosting is often claiming that they "didn't feel chemistry". They want women who are more easily impressed and all over him just for being treated decently. Most men don't date for serious commitment. Even if they do, they tend to want to "sample the goods" first because their prerequisite for commitment is a guarantee of regular sex. You don't need to feel insecure for being ghosted by them, you weren't what they were looking for and that's a good thing. A true HVM looks for an interesting personality, not a female entertainment device.
This is part of dating. The only thing to reflect upon is if you were more focused on being liked than on seeing if you liked them.
I am very present on dates and in the “do I like him? Vs “does he like me“ mentality. Most of the time I am not interested in a second date.
The only time I was surprised was when a nice dinner date went well and he followed up with a little bit of texting. Then he disappeared (I don’t consider it ghosting unless there is emotional intimacy/bonding).
But I also reflected on the red flags.
🚩met him on OLD
🚩 big drinker. Had like 3 or 4 drinks and then drove himself home
🚩said he couldn’t remember stuff (although that can mean he is juggling a lot of women)
🚩asked me about stuff I owned
🚩wasn’t as well traveled as me
🚩I blocked him after he disappeared for 3 days and he requested to take me to dinner
It stung but more because I wondered why God hasn’t made someone for me then being disappointed by this particular man. Also, he didn’t have a full head of hair.🤣🥶😎
Unless you committed a faux pas, these men were probably looking for sex and you were too much effort. I know that can sting to hear but you must know how prevalent this behavior is to date successfully.
Every guy has ghosted me since my divorce 17 years ago. It's what men do these days. They'll ghost you in relationships, as friends, and as dates. If you're gonna date, you just have to expect this behavior. Or don't date. Just don't ever let them come back no matter what you do. Once they ghost, the door should be closed FOREVER. Make them live with their decision.
a lot of these men just want to sleep around. it’s not you it’s them
I had men throw me all these compliments on dates (not even negs for these specific men) and they still ghosted me. 🤷🏼♀️ I think there was wither no chemistry (or "no chemistry" aka no sex like others said) or something deeper was an issue, possibly a red flag with them. Either say you dodged a bullet because they can't/won't communicate
So many of these men are already secretly in situationships and weird textuationships. They’re pornsick with floppity gummy worm 🪱 dicks.
I swear the majority of the time they are taking a new woman out they are actually punishing another woman who thinks she’s his exclusive girlfriend or wife. Monkey branching freaks.
You did everything right, unfortunately the only way to get over these feelings are to feel them so you can move on from them. It's a painful practice that will serve you well long term, but it's a doozy of a lesson
Just remember: "You could be the most delicious and juicy peach of them all, and there is going to be people who hate peaches"
Consider it a blessing. I sure wish some ‘no good’ men that I dated in the past ghosted me after the first date. Would save me time and annoyances.
They’re not for you. And that’s perfectly okay. It says nothing about your worth or value.
So long as you were socially appropriate and not misleading with photos or something like that, you did nothing wrong.
The trash takes itself out.
Ever see an expensive store at a mall? Or a high end car dealership? A lot of people will oogle and comment at how nice the stuff is, but lot of them won't buy anything. Some will wonder inside and ask about prices just to realize they can't afford it, and they'll leave. That's these guys with you - they're ghosting because they are seeing themselves out.
You have to remember a lot of scrotes like to pretend to be high value and will put on a show at the beginning. When they see you're high value they see themselves out.
You should be proud of yourself- leveling up means scaring off scrotes like this.