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A couple of close friends (who don’t know each other) have told me to “watch out for hot Spanish men” and “don’t bang anyone because monkey pox”. And this just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m ruminating and don’t want to. I leave in about 24 hours to go to Spain and I’m impatient and also disappointed since I didn’t get to go yesterday as planned. (Cancellation on the airline’s side coming back messed up everything going forward. I got re-booked yesterday but I’m obviously leery until I have tickets in hand and am boarded and buckled in!)
I’m 50+, widowed, post-menopausal, and since the hormones have cooled now for a couple of decades, I cannot imagine hooking up. I’ve always had body image issues too (helped by working out regularly, eating well, and losing 160 lbs) and it honestly just squicks me out thinking of hooking up with a rando. I get that these comments were said light-heartedly and these two friends know me, but still.
I haven’t had sex since 2015 before Jack died. So yeah it’s been seven years. Honestly I flip between pickme thinking that what if a man doesn’t want me? Then I always quash that as big whatever, the real question is, what if I simply don’t want any man? Centering myself and my wants does take getting used to. I also must admit, no makeup, no sense of style, dress super basic and comfortably but neatly.
I guess what really bothers me is the tired old trope that single means available. There would need to be significant, ongoing vetting and a man proving his love, adoration, and devotion precisely because I am older, average looking, and basic looking. Lots below the surface, tons of talent and experience, but physically what people see is what they get. I know from 50+ years experience that men don’t talk to me out in public. No one catcalls. No one flirts. I just can no longer imagine how one gets from here to there. Thanks for listening. Any thoughts are appreciated.
You’re confidence as an older woman makes my heart swell ♥️
Great post 🥰❤️
On the other end of the spectrum, I'm in my 20s and when I go on holiday (whether with friends or family) I don't hook up with randos. My health and safety is very important to me and I don't believe that some random creep who probably doesn't even see me as a person, just a body deserves to have me in that way. These scrotes are not worth potential pregnancies or STDs.
I've been catcalled and believe me, it's not a display of interest. It's a LVM tactic of objectifying, sexualising, intimidating and demoralising (usually younger) women. I even got catcalled as a teenager walking home from school by men old enough to drive. It was honestly so traumatising at that age, it makes me so angry that these pedos were able to ruin my day like that.
For me, it's a matter of self respect. Men have to prove their value to me before I even consider them in that way. They have to prove that they actually like and respect me and they have to be able to add value to my life. The whole single means available thing annoys me too. Someone could be single but preoccupied with levelling up, improving their job prospects or working on their mental health. Alternatively, they could just not be in the right midset or might not feel like dating. Being single shouldn't be seen as less, as a gap in between relationships. It's a genuine life choice for many women and it offers so many opportunities. Opportunities to find out more about yourself, to grow as a person and spend more time making yourself happy rather than someone else. Embrace being single, and if you start dating again do it because you want to, not because you feel pressured.
I used to live in Spain a few years back (for about one year--study abroad), and I once walked home alone at like 1am from a club in Madrid. No trouble. Not that I advise doing that, but it's quite safe last time I checked. Just follow your normal FDS rules--don't bring home randos, keep an eye on your drink, always know where you are, try to blend in with locals, and, most importantly, walk with confidence even if you're not sure where you're going. This will keep away common low-level threats (petty thieves, annoying men, etc.)
I’ve been to Spain many times and have never had an issue. (well, child pickpockets, so secure your valuables) The men were super nice to me as compared to US men. I’ve been to all major cities, Ibiza and Benidorm. No problemo
Travel advice for women in general is mostly useless because it's either geared towards or written by male travellers or mostly anecdotal and never nuanced, and often just one of the two extremes:
"Don't ever do that, it's not safe for a woman do to pretty much anything alone!" and "It's totally harmless. I went backpacking through a warzone naked when I was 16 and nothing happened!" - both of which are obviously wrong.
And I say this as a woman who travels a lot, mostly for business, in countries that are traditionally deemed "not safe" for solo female travellers.