I feel like a lot of FDS is sort of like playing games and being guarded even if you really like the guy. I dont think this is a bad thing at all, if anything I used to be very open when dating and I think it did me a disservice. I do think theres something to men wanting a challenge. I also would define "playing games" as a way to figure out the truth of a person beyond just words. It relies more on seeing how the person acts in various situations(kind of like little experiments) than just going by what they say and how they seem. What do you think? A lot of people say(especially men) that they dont like playing games and that if you like someone you should be upfront about it, but like I said, I think this actually ends up doing you a disservice(men feel comfortable that theyve got you once they know how you feel etc etc). Very messily written but just wanted to open up a discussion on the topic of playing games.
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This is what men and people who don't understand FDS thinks it is.
FDS is about staying safe. Our lives ain't a game, our security isn't a game and fighting misogyny is a war and not a game.
Vetting for red flags is us protecting ourselves from further trauma.
It's a game for men. It's literally life or death for us.
Vetting isn't a game, it's a protection mechanism.
I can definitely understand where you’re coming from. But, when you abide by FDS in practice, you will find that it doesn’t feel like a game. “Playing games“ is something red-pilled PUAs do as they try to spin their plates. It’s malicious in intent, as opposed to FDS, which is protective in intent (as another commenter pointed out).
As women, we often feel like we “need” to be open, “need” to give men a chance, “need” to give men the benefit of the doubt. FDS reminds us that we have been conditioned to let men treat us poorly and make excuses for their behavior.
FDS keeps you grounded. It stops your mind from running away with ”potential.” It lets you separate the wheat from the chaff, because a man who is really, truly into you knows that he needs to work to earn (and keep) you in his life.
The result of FDS is a relationship that is built on a sacred infrastructure of respect, trust, and safety. There are never any guarantees, but FDS can give you the tools to build a life you love as a single woman, and to build a healthy and beautiful relationship with a man who proves himself, if and when he comes along.
Of course guys don't like FDS vetting - it makes it harder for them to hide how shitty they are. If you open up to them upfront and tell them everything they need to know to manipulate you and lie to you then the shitty ones will. And as we are all learning collectively, with 2 generations of men raised on internet porn, there's a WHOLE LOT of "shitty ones". The only people "playing games" are men. They're projecting, as per usual, pay it no mind dear.
I'm not a fan of playing games. The ultimate test is dinner and how he behaves during family/friends and parents, If he lets them disrespect you and he says nothing but only speaks up when you snap back at them then he failed the test miserably as a person. A man will always defend you and take your side in public and will tell you what you did wrong in private, he will never give others the satisfaction of letting others see how he puts you in place. If he ignores his buddies comments. And if one of them say " Control your woman," And if he doesn't say " And you need to behave yourself" back at them then do not give a spineless people pleaser a chance.
With dinner don't tell him that you expect him to pay, Keep cash with you just incase. If he is not giving you the gentleman treatment during dinner, he's stingy when he pays but eats a lot when you invite him to a family dinner, when I talks about splitting the bill or I will pay now and you pay next time then you already know that he failed as a provider.
The way to test a man is to observe without letting your expectations be known. But don't play games or head games because in my opinion it's not lady like or Queen vibe and that's something I expect from a scrote.
God I hate the term "playing games".
Here's the thing, we don't know how we feel until we have completely sussed out a guy. No point saying "I love you" if he turns out to have a secret wife and syphilis.
LOL, if we were "up front" with men they would run a mile. "Please provide your bank account balance/s details of any investments, I'll need to meet and vet your family, a full background check, proof of employment, references from friends and employers, full bloodwork and STD check, there will be auditions for kissing etc, houses and living conditions will be inspected by a third party, you will have to perform tests on basic household duties, computer browsing history."
FDS is as it says, a strategy. There’s no ‘games’ as I’ve not read anything on here that includes ‘doing’ anything such as manipulation techniques to get what you want, rather what behaviour/safety issues etc. to be aware of, and how to work on yourself to meet similar people.
Being guarded is ‘guarding’ yourself and your wellbeing to avoid being hurt/used. Men say they don’t like playing games, yet often proactively use ‘tactics’ and ‘techniques’ to get the most from women.
I really disagree. I think it’s primarily about safety. If you are following what FDS says to do with vetting and understanding things to look out for you can potentially find a good man and potentially avoid being trapped in an abusive relationship.