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*UPDATE* thank you for all the responses, Queens! I am a recovering pick me/people pleaser. He has been blocked and deleted!!
I met this guy on Hinge from what I can tell *so far* is that he is a HVM. He pursed me at a good pace, gave plenty of space but was also attentive. I never felt like a sex object (Uncommon with OLD) He was extremely thoughtful with planning dates and MADE SURE that I was involved and comfortable with every decision
but he did all the planning And some things were a surprise. Ex: I wanted to go to top golf on a busy night and they were out of reservations so he showed up early so we wouldn’t have to wait then texted me to let me know that he secured a booth and asked if I would like him to order an appetizer so it’s ready once I get there. He is the only OLD that made it to a second date. But then I get this. Notice how he says if it doesn’t work out… what do I do about that? block and delete?
I clearly still have things to learn, because my reaction was like "okay that's nice?" and the fact he's putting her second and using her as a backup plan didn't jump out at me right away. Maybe because he tries to throw you off by burying it in a deluge of compliments?
So manipulative.
If there is someone I really want to be with, it would not even occur to me to tell a second person "I would like to try you again if it doesn't work out."
What kind of person does that? A fickle person. He has shown his hand despite his attempt to hide it under a "nice" veneer.
It doesn't even matter whether he really reconnected with someone, or this is a story he made up to test your compliance. There is something seriously wrong with his character in either case.
Yup . Block and delete. If I would read that message I wud without engaging in any communication just block and delete right away ! What a Scrote. More power to you .
Um, no. He has made his choice, and it isn't you. What more do you need to know? Your dignity is worth much more than waiting for this fickle loser to pick you, yes? Free your attention for a man who KNOWS that you are the one for him, no questions about it!
That's a cut+paste response, you deserve better.
As if honesty weren't a basic part of human decency and there are so many lying men out there that he should totally be rewarded for being honest. Don't be a second choice.
Even knowing nothing else about you I still know you deserve to be someone’s top priority and first choice. He did the right thing letting you know but telling you he’ll come crawling back if it doesn’t work out is trashy af. You’re better than a consolation prize 💛
"Hey, you OK being my back-up in case it doesn't work out with this other woman I've idealised?" The answer is always no. Block and delete. Also, avoid applying the term HVM to men you've only just met, as it will lead to you missing red flags and second-guessing yourself just like you're doing now. It's much better to just say he's displayed some green flags, so you don't accidentally associate him and the term HVM, and therefore lower your guard when you should be vigilant.
He didn’t reconnect with anyone. He’s playing games, trying to see if you’re naive enough to play along, but acting like he’s a great communicator for asking you if you wanna play second fiddle, when he grows tired of the first fiddle. Then he shows his friends all the women he has “waiting for him”. They ask how he does it, and he says it’s easy - just charm the pants off them for date 1, and 2. Check out the DENNIS system from the show Always Sunny In Philadelphia. It’s satire- making fun of scrotes and It’s horrifyingly accurate to how scrotes operate.
If your relationship starts off as you being the second choice, it sets the tone for how he treats you all throughout. Move on.
He is offering you a seat on his back burner…. NEXT! Block snd delete!
Noo, absolutely not. What an asshole. 😂
Everyone else gave great answers and I’d also like to add that by the second date you have no idea if a man is HV or not. You only know that you haven’t seen anything LV *yet*. I wouldn’t even consider a man as HV unless I’ve known him for a year tbh.
Ugh! His message is incredibly manipulative.
A MasterClass in it!
"If you don't hate me." LOL
So now you're supposed to be nice to show that you don't hate him.
And accept his outrageous, underhanded diss and massive entitled attitude.
Yech!
Even a simple "no thanks" is to much for him. Block, delete. Yech.
I partly understand why you felt the need to say this is okay and compliment him. But it's wrong. I'm so used to this move from men. Everything seems to be going just fine but then he pulls the ace from his sleeve. He's not a HVM. The note you ended this on jefes the impression that he can reconnect with you. I wouldn't have answered anything. Why did you reassure him that he's a "great guy". Come on sis. He basically told you you're not even second choice and you reasured him he's "great guy". And just you wait. This apparent HVM (in reality LVM) will reconnect with you. Just you wait. Even 1 year from now. "Hey lady, 1 crumb of pussy please!" Can we please practice inaction? When he sends the next message because it's only a matter of time, just leave him on read. It gives him a taste of their medicine. ✌️
More proof that men coming back is not a compliment.
"I'm so certain you want me I'm going to put you on the shelf while I try my luck with a woman who doesn't want me"
Men are literally brain damaged.
I hope you blocked and deleted. Being someone's backup plan is not an option.
This is a no brainer scenario OP. You know what to do!
Definitely block and delete. Him being all, "Hey, wanna stay on my backburner while I date this other chick?" is gross and rude. A man should be more enthusiastic than that about being with you.
This is only further proof men always want women who barely care about them. If this other woman was so great why did he "lose contact"? Sounds like he's letting you down easy