This is why we NEVER tell a man about our trauma.

Even if they won't try to do the same to you, they'll still resent you and hate you for being 'damaged'. I made the mistake of sharing my child sexual abuse experience with an ex and at first he was understanding. Shortly after, he basically implied that we weren't having the kind of sex he wanted (something I was not comfortable doing at that time) because I was too traumatized, like it was my fault... Zero sympathy or empathy for the pain I went through. Everything is about their dicks in the end.

Men enjoy hurting women. They have NO ability to empathize with what happens to us. Just think of all of the victim blaming and shaming that goes on in the news. A young woman can be raped and murdered, and the first thing out of men’s mouths is what was she wearing and was she a cocktail waitress? You telling him about being raped made him fantasize about doing the same thing to you, because men can’t stand the thought of other men getting to have s3x with you in a way he doesn’t. They’re sick in the head.

My experience has been the same as OP's and I shared that story here. Nothing ever good can come out of sharing this part of your life with men. They will most likely try to inflict the same trauma on you, and blame you if you don't want to be abused, because to them "one more time doesn't harm and you're crazy for not giving them that chance".

Absolutely. I attempted suicide in high school, and I told my now ex-husband about it. When I filed for divorce and custody of our kids (because he is an abusive meth addict) he used my suicide attempt, which had happened 20 years prior, to paint me as unstable. And because I admitted to it, but he denied EVERYTHING (perjury is hardly every prosecuted in family court, and abusers know this) it worked, initially.

Even when we are married to them, we are not safe discussing ANY trauma.

What I absolutely hate and want to change is the shame! She should feel none; he should feel all the shame! I want all women to stop introjecting shame and start, somehow, safely, shaming men into the ground! I want these losers to feel two inches tall. And then I want them to want to be better!

I swear to God, one time I told a man that I wasn't even seeing about the trauma I went through in my first marriage, and the way he reacted was so fucking weird. Like he felt awkward or weirded out or like I told him I eat dog shit for fun. It was like he found me disgusting in a way. It really helped me learn now to zip it when it comes to my traumas around men, and to save it unless I'm in a room with a professional therapist who can help me instead of judging me.

This is why we only tell men that our prior relationships ended because "we grew in different directions". Also, as far as any man goes, you have only been treated like a queen, and will only accept this treatment if he is lucky enough to be invited into your life. The sooner a man knows that you have only accepted being cherished, the better. The losers who can't meet those standards will slither away early, and the men who can will try to outdo the guy before him. Win win for you, either way!

My ex-boyfriend once rolled his eyes at me during a fight and complained that it’s not like he was a gambling and porn addict that can’t keep a job. Well no but my ex-husband isn’t the bar of what I’ll tolerate. Being only half as bad as him doesn’t mean I’ll stay with you. He later tried backtracking but he’d shown his hand. And I learned my lesson to not tell any future men about the scrotes in my past.

I have never, ever, not ONCE told a man a trauma that the scrote hiding within didn’t use against me. Got a painful memory? Minimized. Slur you’re triggered by? Used it two days later. Thing you don’t approve of? Loosen up, you’re the problem! Never. EVER. Confide in men.

Everyone, it's simpler and safer to say you weren't much into boyfriends or dating and the few you met just didn't click. Men will lap that up because male egos. Besides, your past is not the present's business.

My sister was telling me about her dating life a few days ago. My hairs stood up when she mentioned sharing her childhood trauma and sour parts of her dating history with a man she’s seeing. I wanted to tell her about FDS and how she shouldn’t share those things so freely. I didn’t know how to approach the conversation without making her feel like she did something wrong or seeming like I’m accusing the guy she likes of not caring. It’s so natural to feel like we can/should share our deepest struggles with someone we care about; I hate that men can weaponize something like that. If someone has advice, please share!

Agree with everything others have said. I have found that even when there's no overt backlash, men resent it and act out or try to shame you in more subtle ways. Either way it isn't worth it.

Thank you for posting. I had a tumultuous relationship history recently and was wondering how and when to discuss it with a man after dating for a while. From the comments here, I now know not to. This kind of vulnerability is only for a fiance/husband. Not a boyfriend.

This is kinda off topic, but couldn’t we argue her current boyfriend also attempted to r@pe her? She kept saying no and he kept making attempts. That’s already fucked up, but he knew her story and STILL tried to do the same thing as her ex

Notice how that garbage man tried to have anal with her "the next day" after she told him about her past trauma? He's a soon to be rapist I sense, I don't care, he tried it 2 times and he clearly doesn't understand no. She needs to leave him ASAP and report him!

I will only share with my husband now. My ex also raped me. I told him about a rape early on in our relationship, he (my instinct was) made up a story about being raped too. Then after I dumped him, he raped me. He also did this while having a new girlfriend. I threatened to tell her and he freaked and threatened me. So yes ladies, keep your trauma to yourself. Men decide that what’s one more trauma? Let’s punish her by raping her for ending it. And cheat on another woman at the same time. Damn misogynist.