The title of HVM is earned, not the default when he’s doing the bare minimum!

Trusting is not knowing. Sometimes we get so caught up in finding the perfect vetting strategy that we forget that any relationship involves some level of trust. Of course a man has to prove himself worthy of our trust, but yes -- at some point we just want to be able to let our guard down with our partners (if not 100%, then at least 90%). And that's fine. But above all you should trust yourself and your instincts, which is what FDS is for, so even if a man breaks the trust you've bestowed upon him, you can leave, dignity (hopefully) intact. We never put our current or future happiness in the hands of a man, and so he cannot take it away from us if he turns out to be shitty after all. We can't control how men behave now or in the future, so it's none of our concern. Our concern is how to best protect ourselves.

I understand the sentiment but think about it this way. You have a delicious meal, you eat it. There are leftovers and you enjoy them the next day. For as long as the meal is still safe/healthy and tasty, you can enjoy it, but if it spoils early, out it goes. We don't complain about having to "stay vigilant" about mold or a bad odour, we just understand that we need to keep an eye open for things that can harm us and deal with it when/if it happens.

Things are only valuable as long as they bring us value and that includes relationships. Sometimes things go off far sooner than you would have liked, given the time or effort or money you put into it, but you don't freeze a moldy meal that you spent a lot of money on just to "preserve" your spent resources -- you toss it and move on, maybe a little poorer, but also a little wiser.

I like this analogy! 😁

I would say my fiance is pretty hv and friends would agree. My friend and I were discussing hvm one day. Her dad is extremely hv and she uses him as the standard for how she should be treated. He is a wonderful provider a good listener adores her mother. She can tell her father anything and he supports her decisions. He immigrated from a different country with his family and basically gave them the American dream. He would truly do anything for his family. My own father unfortunately is extremely lv and narcissistic. We were trying to think of other hvm besides him and my bf and could only name like two other people. Even with my fiance though I'm constantly vetting which is why I still follow fds. You really never know anyone.

True HVM seem to be so, so rare. I’ve been on this earth for almost 40yrs and looking back I really never met a true HVM (and I was married twice…). Some men will spoil you, be nice, caring and all, but sooner or later they'll reveal themselves to be submissive or cuckolds…ugh.

I told my dad about my last date and although I always knew he’s LV (by how he used to treat my mother before she divorced him) I was shocked by the things he said. He said things like: why should men pay for women and that he once met with a woman in a parking lot to take a walk with her. they ended up in a bar / restaurant as he asked her if she wanted to sit down and drink something. The woman ended up asking for the menu and ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. that’s all my dad could think of. How expensive it was and that he didn’t ask her out for dinner. i told my dad, if someone would’ve invited me to meet in a parking lot and take a walk, I wouldn’t have said yes to a date because walk dates are for dogs. My dad really didn’t understand that or how getting ready for a woman takes a lot of time and money. It’s not too much to ask for something to eat in return when you’ve been walking around all day.

my dad yelled at me when I told him my view, luckily it was over the phone and I hung up.

Too true. There's like five men of this earth who I can stand being in the same room with in a personal non work related setting. Hvm are even rarer. I guess they exist but even then do you ever really know someone?