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so backstory, i’m 19f and he’s 27m with a kid that’s almost 1 and i’ve been seeing him since June of 2021 and it’s been on and off since he’s not “ready for a relationship” yet if at the time, we’re talking or not he’s always on my mind.
he’s a good guy (in my mind). i don’t think my friends like him because it does seem he uses me. which i am in denial of lol.
so we haven’t hung out for about two/three months until a few nights ago. we’ve been texting a few days prior but the one night he texted me to pick him up because he’s been drinking. and i wasn’t about to go because it was really late at night but i decided to go anyway. i didn’t realize how drunk he was over text until i picked him up.
so since it was really late we basically went straight to sleep and yes we started making out and i told him i’m not having sex with him that night and he said okay yet still tried making advances on me and after the second time of me pushing him off me i just layer down turned away from him and it was silent for a little then he was trying to ask what i’ve been up to the past months we haven’t seen each other. he seemed to genuinely be curious because he started getting frustrated that i don’t tell him anything.
so we start kissing again and i have to push him off another 2 times so i told him i’m going to sleep, again turned away from him.
and he starts asking me why and asking me “what are you a reborn again virgin?” and a bunch of other assumptions like if i have a boyfriend now. and i wish in that moment i told him that i don’t need to explain why i don’t want to have sex with you tonight. but i didn’t i just tried to fall asleep
also he kept saying that he wasn’t that drunk, which that just makes him look worse
and ugh i hate to admit this but i did indeed give in once we woke up in the morning. but we went to get his car where he was drunk the previous night and then i went home.
i just talked to someone about the situation and it helped me clear some things up about how i feel about it
i feel very violated as he crossed a big boundary. but i don’t know how to feel about him anymore. like i still am pretty head over heels about him i just want to have a conversation about it with him. so my plan is next time he wants to hangout im gonna tell him that he crossed and boundary and i don’t want to be disrespected like that again. but i want to mention how i feel about him, how i like him (can someone help me with how to tell him that) still nervous being in that situation lol and i want to tell him a list of boundaries but i blame my childhood that i don’t know how to create boundaries. so if anyone could list some boundaries that could help and anything else i should bring up.
When he says he’s not ready for a relationship he’s telling you that’s WHY he’s messing with YOU. When he is ready for a relationship he won’t be having one with a girl he can’t even take to the bars. He’s not saying someday he will have a relationship with you, he’s saying someday he will he ready & then he will go get one.
The first sentence got me already you are 19 you shouldn’t be with an 27 year old. Him being interested in your is a reflag it itself. He wants to control and dominate you and that’s exactly what manifested in the bedroom. Please leave him
He's not a good person.
Please get some hobbies and work out why you're using this guy to harm yourself.
The age gap... girl.. run!
Ok sis lets list the red flags...
🚩Old
🚩Has a kid
🚩27 years old yet cant handle his alcohol
🚩RAPEY AND ENTITLED (!!!!)
You KNOW this isn't the guy for you. That's why you're posting here. Please dump his ass. Don't even bother with trying to explain to him your feelings, he doesn't care. That's why he acted the way he did. He does not care about your boundaries or your feelings more than he cares about his dick.
You deserve respect in a relationship. You deserve to be listened to and be respected, even during disagreements. If he can't do that, he's useless.
Dump, block, delete.
If someone violates your boundary, you cut off contact. You don't stay and talk to him and explain your boundary and give him more chances to violate you.
Nothing about this entire situation is good. Get out now. At the very least, try to preserve what is left of your dignity. Chasing after this loser just makes you look pathetic. Can we get an update? Hopefully, you didn't have to learn this the hard way.
Block and delete for all the reasons above and your own physical and mental safety. Things only become worse from here on, with no limit to the cruelty.
Sweetie, it’s been a month and I hope you dumped his ass. What are you expecting from this guy? He told you and showed you who he is - doesn’t give AF about your boundaries, only calls when he needs something, and told you flat out that he’s not interested in a relationship. Do You think he’s going to change? HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. EVER. Please tell me that you believe you deserve better. Unless you think this is what you deserve? In that case, you have some serious soul-searching to do. Read FDS handbook, memorize, fake it until you make it, and you will find what you’re looking for - which is validation that you’re worthy. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING TREATED LIKE A QUEEN. Moving forward, if there’s someone in your life (friends, family, men) who is not FUCK YES about you, do not engage. In other words, if they’re not as enthusiastic about the relationship as you are, they’re not worth your time. Maybe this means you have a lot of dumping to do because you’re attracted to people who treat you like shit, and that you’ll be lonely while trying to find your tribe, but I promise you will find great meaning in that time spent LOVING yourself the way you deserve to be loved. This is an inside job, babe. Do the work, and you will get the results you’re so desperate to find.
sorry to be blunt but leave him
So... You're 19 and dating a 27yo w a kid. Honey a 12 year age gap is MASSIVE at any age and ESPECIALLY under 30. This guy is playing you and putting you up when he's done w you (on and off since the beginning) Of course you like him- he has 12 yrs on you and knows EXACTLY what to say to manipulate you. You are so, so young right now, there is no good reason for a grown man to be pursuing you at such a formative stage. This man is a bum to not be able to date women his own age. He's a manipulative predator and your affection for him comes down to a trauma bond he purposefully put you through. Block&Delete this scrote before he pops up again- you need to cut all contact and work on creating your boundaries. Trying to strengthen your boundaries with someone who's proven they don't respect your boundaries is never gonna work. Pushy people are always pushy- this scrote is gonna scrote. Listen to Monica, she is 🔥 https://youtu.be/kKUcn8-d1u0