Tell me about the narcs ins your life and how you got rid of them

Your daily reminder that 1. narcissists are not single handedly responsabile for all male violence, so vet all men. Narcs are just a subtype of abuser, people who don'thave NPD can still be mysogynistic abusers. 2. Entitlement is still an epidemic among men even when they don't have NPD.

Having said that, I dated pretty much only narcissists in my life, so this comment would be way too fucking long lmao. I could say I'm just unlucky but not true. As a child, I was primed to get hooked on intermittent reinforcement, I suffered from a severe lack of attunement and I developed fantasy worlds as an escape tacticts. Narcissisits are the obvious matches for my wounds. Even when I had lower standards, i',ve always found easy to reject other kind of abusers.

Getting rid of them for me is more about healing those wounds. Other than that, NC when it's possible and grey rock/LC when it's not.

You said it, “be useless”. I used to think it was normal for people to call me when they wanted something and I felt like I was being “tit for tat” when I would expect reciprocity.

Even people who aren’t narcs will take “micro advantage“. Eg, I was in a hybrid online master’s program and as soon as fellow cohort started arriving in the city they would insinuate that I should show them around. In the past I would have done so happily but I noticed that there was no effort on their part to rapport build before arriving so it was a no for me to tap them into my network when they weren’t proactive about developing a relationship with me.

Especially if you are a go getter or extroverted be careful because passive people will attempt to ride your coat tails.

From my experience, a narcissist will blame you for everything and never take accountability. I blocked and deleted to get mine out of my life

Social media may also play a role? I'd say it's the number one reason. Just look at Instagram and tiktok.

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As for future men, I'd say vet, vet, vet. One small orange flag turns red super fast with a narc, so always be on the look out.

I got divorced. My ex-husband isn’t so awful, mostly he’s just pathetic (gambling and porn addict). The narcissist was his mother. It’s a term thrown about a bit but she is the real deal. At the worst point of our divorce he made a comment about seeing her and I smiled and said, “the best thing about you leaving me means I never have to see her.” He nodded and said, “you’re the bitch divorcing me and I still like you a lot more than her.” I wished him luck. I never got so mad at him I thought he deserved her.

As other women have said here, the best offense is a good defense. Recognize the red flags and cut them off early.

I could share 4 or 5 stories here about men I've encountered who were malignant narcissists. No diagnoses I know of, but their behavior was extreme and dangerous. I was traumatized from a bad childhood and either overlooked or in some cases ignored the red flags. Once I went to trauma therapy a few years ago, these people started bouncing off of me.

FDS vetting works!! If I'd been following it years ago, NONE of these guys would've lasted five seconds with me.

Hot/cold behavior, flirting without asking me out, sob stories, digging into my own traumas, moving too fast ... seriously, if you've handled your own traumas, you'll spot this quickly and reject it.

Don't give second chances. The first hint of confusion, the first time a guy's story doesn't add up, the first time I go, "Wait, but you said...?" - I'm gone.

If you've already got one in your life, I'm a big fan of ghosting whenever possible.

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I'm a little aloof now with strangers, due in large part to my experiences. I'm not standoffish, I'm actually quite friendly, but it depends on the situation, and I allow myself the grace of getting to know people slowly.

Dangerous men want to fast track intimacy (physically and emotionally). I've learned not to trust people who move too fast or don't respect boundaries. Healthy people have self-respect and respect for others and want to build slowly. Con men move fast.

I have only came across one narcissist in my life and ignoring him and going no contact was the best approach. He begged for two months then I got him arrested for not leaving me alone and he has conditions against him now to attend therapy for one year every week with evidence provided that he is attending … hey, they arrested him at work too 😉 that would kill his reputation hahaha I’m not sad about it though. He thought I’m easy but the funny thing is I’m very kind and soft with my words but my actions are ruthless. I can stay silent when someone starts yelling bla bla but my actions afterwards is what kill them. I just don’t show emotions or even shed a tear front of those men. I just stay neutral.

I won't tell you about the narcs I've dated - and almost married - because that would be giving them too much air. As to how to get rid of them / never attract them again: block, delete, no contact for eternity, let them enjoy the silence. And as others have said, make yourself useless. Do not be "nice," do not pander, do not put a target on your back by being a people pleaser, watch how you present yourself. Better to be thought of as a hard ass than an overly permissive woman. If you post about your life on social media, stop. Keep your boundaries tight.

In my extensive dating past I have only come across one certified narcissist. I was 22 to his 25. We had a flirtatious history. Wow he was textbook. - we started off in a very sexy relationship that petered out when he started to suddenly reject me in bed. There was some classic triangulation about another girl who he had mention-itis about. I caught chlamydia from him so I’m convinced he was seeing multiple partners - he was charming and grandiose and loved his image/went to great lengths to improve it. He’s a good looking man and was able to charm women at scale - When he ‘loved’ me it was bliss, when he ignored me to go on a two-day bender it was hell -he hated his mother. Need i say more -my last in-person interaction with him was 10 years ago. He still sends me a LinkedIn request now and again and I don’t block simply ignore as it’s fascinating to me that he has the gall. It used to be sporadic, plaintive messages about how I was too good for him - hoovering I think they call it - and now it’s good old LI - he was self pitying to a huge degree, similar to what you’d expect from a substance abuser. He drank/took drugs and was clearly in some sort of emotional pain, but he did a great job of upsetting everyone in his path Toxic AF but genuinely probably the only ‘real’ narcissist I have ever met

I simply stopped replying to the narcissists that I came across in my life. However, one such got married to a wonderful lady from my school acquaintances circle. I felt so heartbroken :( He pretty much called me a whore for being a flight attendant and said I deserve sexual harassment as it is a part of my job. Also spent a lot of time calling me ugly because I wore makeup frequently. Seeing their wedding picture with her flashing such a warm and cute smile while holding his arm made me cry for hours. I hope he treats her well. I'm genuinely worried for her. At the same time, it hurt me all over again to see how all those things he believed/said about me don't apply to her just because she is a doctor. I hope he does not apply them to her. I don't mix too much with that circle anyway. So I don't worry about coming across any of them.

No contact, grey rock method (be boring), police reports (every trespass and threat), court orders, changing the locks, dumping their stuff outside, calling their parents on them, moving and not telling them…

Being a terrifying, fearless, relentless b*tch works if you can pull it off. Not just for narcs, but for unwanted men in general. Make the cost of bothering/upsetting you so high they don’t even dare or they approach you with a fawn response in the future.

Narcs seek a human supply to drain of attention and energy. If you do the draining they will naturally avoid you. I tend to reserve this for when lawyers are involved. You want him to be so scared of you he talks to you through a lawyer and you want his lawyer to lose sleep at the thought of having to contact you. I’ve been in family court for seven consecutive years. Being nice gets you nothing.

Had a narc ex. One of those covert narcs who acted like a spiritual feminist. Took a minute to figure him out. One day in the middle of an argument on the phone, my spirit literally said, “we’re done”. I hung up on him mid-sentence (he was saying some gaslighty, neggy shit) and never spoke to him again. Ever.

We’d been together two years and he was so sure I’d come around. For a few months after, I worried he'd show up at my house (they hate being ignored) He sent poems and love declarations on holidays and my bday for several years (hoovering) , but I never responded , not even to say 'fk off'. He knows that I have a brother who doesn't fk around and I think that's probably what discouraged him from being stupid.

Ghosted the fk outta him. That was 10 years ago.

All of mine did me a favour and removed themselves. All of these endings were due to one final “blow up” or narc rage as it’s described and seemed to occur when I stood my ground or set boundaries. Good riddance imo.

Change your number, emails, block and delete. I dated a diagnosed narc for almost two years. He still stalks and harasses me till this day but less frequently. I had to ghost mine. It was the safest course of action. You have to go no contact and change everything.

Identify and avoid. Cut off.

He triangulated me with other women like it was his day job, negged me about my body (he had a disgusting dad bod while I'm very in shape), sexually assaulted me multiple times and then blamed me for it, gaslit me about other stupid shit, was pornsick to the point his dick didn't work, was a gAmER, did nothing but watch tv/play games all day, was shitty at his job but felt entitled to a better position...omg the list goes on. I broke up with him over the phone where he tried to gaslight me more but I stood my ground. Haven't spoken to him since. He still acts like a weirdo freak whenever he sees me. I always ignore him. It's glorious knowing that no contact absolutely tortures these narc creeps.