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Positives. Note that these are not necessarily green flags as some of these things could be classified as the bare minimum.
1) Plans in advance, is not scrambling last minute
2) Gift takes into account her likes/dislikes
3) He takes her to HER favorite restaurant
4) Cooks HER favorite meal for her
5) Excited about the holiday
6) Gets her a card and writes a heartfelt note inside it
Negatives (Could be red flags depending on your standards. Are you ok with receiving this kind of treatment for the rest of your life?)
1) Gets her generic card/flowers. Basically a 'shut up' gift
2) Doesn't do anything. Either forgot, doesn't care, or says "My MoM iS nOt MaTeRiAliStIc!" Of course this ignores the fact that he could give a gift that is not materialistic like a massage gift certificate
3) Whines or complains about the holiday "I cElEbRaTe My MoM EvErYdAy! !!"
4) If you get the chance to read what he says in a card/text/call to his mom, look out for phrases like "I am thankful for all you do for me/the family". While this phrase is fine in the context of a larger message, if this is the only thing he says, it shows he values her for how she serves him, rather than any inherent characteristic about her. He is likely to value you the same way.
5) Gifts according to his preferences, not hers
6) Gets her a vacuum cleaner/mop/broom/etc
7) Value of gift is low compared to his income level
8) Tags along with whatever his sister is planning and does no emotional labor.
His mother is generally the woman that he has had a relationship with for the longest amount of time. The way he treats her shows his baseline level of thoughtfulness, care, and generosity towards women. Use this as an opportunity to vet, vet, vet. I would love to hear other positives/negatives you have observed in the comments.
Have fun and stay safe ladies. ✌️
Men can show green flags for first 2-3 years and then red flags after that. Some can even live double lives. Would never trust one again.
100% this.
I'd also like to add Christmas and his mom's birthday to the list.
My ex-husband wouldn’t even plan anything for his mom so I was the one who ended up buying a thoughtful gift for my mom and his mom plus took them out. My ex-bf (recently broke up), said he will get her a pair of Gucci glasses! 🙄 he is so superficial and new to money, it’s nauseating.
I have to say as a Mom of 2 sons, I loathe Mother’s Day, especially since my mother died. I kinda wanna be left alone. For years, my sons would try (they’d get me my favorite cheese, nuts, flowers, sudoku) , and leave me be to do all my alone stuff …lol…But since my Mom died, I just kinda resent the day. My Mom loved Mother’s Day, and it brought me more joy to spend the day with her, than to get gifts from my kids. So, they call, check in, say something sweet about how much they love me, and call it a day. My oldest son’s fiancé lost her mom a few years ago, so it’s a sad day for her too. I’d rather my son take care of her. My youngest still tries to weasel his way over to see me (little shit). My ex husband tries too - his wife is a gem, and I know she’s like, “man, you better do something nice for the woman who raised your babies”. Last year, we all (my ex, his wife, her daughter, my sons, their partners, and the dogs) got together on the Saturday night before Mothers Day, for dinner and game night, where the moms all get waited on by the men. That way on Sunday I can just relax with a candle, and my mom’s ghost (lol). We’re doing something similar this weekend. Anyway, you may meet a man who has a weirdo mom like me. Hopefully he shows other green flags to let you know that he is a good son to his mother. My sons aren’t mamas boys, but whatever the healthy version of that is, they are. For example, every single bday, the write me a letter, reviewing my year, and telling me all the reasons they’re proud of me. But, because I was the one who initiated the birthday letter - I’ve been, and still do, writing to them on their bdays, since they were born - I don’t want them to feel like they have to just because I do. They say the enjoy writing the letter, so I’ll choose to believe them…as long as they leave me be on Mothers Day…lol
Yes! Always pay attention to how he treats other women in his life. 👸