Stop BABYING a Man.

Question

"He can never do it right -- so that's why I do it myself. (Unlike you) I don't need a man to coddle me."

Congratulations, you just played yourself.

Of course you can do everything yourself -- anyone with a functioning brain can do anything by themselves!

The difference is that whether we want to, or not.

And since you are there to clean all his messes, why would he want to do it all himself?

Of course you are the amazing, competent, go-getter, independent, strong and [fill in the blanks] woman that can do it all by herself -- you ain't the damsel in distress needing the white knight to rescue you!

(You know, unlike the bunch of us that are honest about wanting a strong, rich man to protect and provide for us)

But then, why in the ever living crap is HE the one being coddled by YOU now?

You work, you bring in the money, you do the chores, you take care of the bills, you raise the children, you dance around like a 🤡 entertaining him, you give him the p**nstar performance in bed, you washes his clothes, you pay him mortgage, you find jobs for him, and blah blah blah -- why???

Have you not realize just how thoroughly you are being made into a fool right now?

You pay halfsies for the date he asked you out on (or pay all because empowermentzzz), you sleep with him on the first dates because he paid for a freakin' dinner, you chase after him and text him and initiate everything with him, you drag him to the altar, you let him move into your house, you paid for his gas and car and food and whatever, you let him bringing you to "dates" that are a complete joke (laundry date, really???);

You let him treat you like a complete joke while you coddle him like a f**king baby needing his feefees coddled 24/7 because why? Because he is a MAN.

THINK!

LOOK!

REALIZE!

Realize what kind of state you are putting yourself through -- just to be able to stay in a relationship with this piece of sh*t that can't even bother to clean his own mess!

What are you doing to yourself???

He has a brain, he can f**king deal with his own sh*t. Stop being his surrogate mommy.

If it was genuinely a mistake -- like mistakenly booking a holiday retreat that isn't to your liking;

Then let him thoroughly taste the consequences of disappointing you, and let him know you expect better next time. And that next is his last chance.

STOP TAKING OVER HIS RESPONSIBILITIES!

Relax, let him deal with it. He is a grown, able-bodied, fully functional, adult man. He knows what he should do -- RELAX.

But if he keeps trying to use the weaponized incompetence on you (aka hurrdurr I am a helpless baby mommy help meeee)?

Kick him to the curb and walk away.

Stop negging and cOmMuNiCaTiNg with a grown-ass man with a functioning brain!

Stop letting him fool you with empowerment and "You can do it better than me!" bullsh*t he pulls on you every single time!

STOP LETTING YOUR EGO (AND DEEP INSECURITY) BLINDED YOU TO WHAT HE IS DOING!

If he wants to, he would. You don't need to "teach" him what to do.

He has a brain, he can f**king use it. He doesn't "need" you to tell him xyz and wtf -- he just doesn't care and ain't listening.

So STOP yelling and negging him until you feel like going crazy from stress and deep resentment,

AND WALK. AWAY.

Pack your sh*t. Walk away.

Just stop making a fool of yourself will you?

He wants to pretend being brainless and useless -- let him be. You ain't dealing with that stupid bullsh*t, your time is too precious for that.

Just walk away, dammit.

You can cry and whine and complain to any ears listening until the end of days -- but if you keep staying there -- you are just clowning yourself.

Stop complaining and start walkin'.

You know how I feel when a guy tryna pull that "cute helpless puppy" act on me?

I feel disgusted, creeped out, ENRAGED.

Because he is a grown ass man tryna act like a mentally underdeveloped manchild.

How could that not make you feel disgusted?

Only actual babies should act like babies, hell toddlers tryna act like a baby weirds me out.

Doesn't matter how handsome and rich he is -- if he can't act like a proper mature adult around me, I can't stand seeing his face.

It is disgusting.

He is a man, so he better act like a man and NOT like an oversized baby.

Ain't nothing "cute" about a man acting like a baby, and you mommying a grown ass man.

Oh no, he doesn't know how to do simple chores? Well tough luck my dude, deal with it. Use your brain.

"But didn't you advised women to step back and let a man do it all? Isn't that pulling weaponized incompetence on him?"

First of all, can you stop talking about men in any and every conversation for women, by women? Geez.

Second, we are NOT the gender that famously and consistently pull the "oh no I don't understand how to do this simple chores you asked me to do" 3000x time until the wife gives up and do it herself.

We are NOT the gender that pretends not to know how to put spaghetti into boiling water.

We are NOT the gender that pretends not to know how to operate a damn washing machine.

We are NOT the gender that for some reason, can't pee in the damn bowl.

We are NOT the gender that pretends to not understand that "put the leftover in the freezer" doesn't mean put the whole ass crockpot in the freezer.

And on and on and on.

How many times do you see a WOMAN pull all this bullsh*t? To get out of doing chores and responsibilities?

WHAT GENDER PULL ALL THIS BULLSH*T??

What do I do?

Just step back and let him show me how capable he is -- you know, because he is COURTING me.

A little pretending here and there that I don't know how to do something -- eh, harmless white lies. Am I hurting him in anyway? No? Then he can deal with it.

(Also I am certified lazy™ so ehh if he can do it, let him do it -- most men I deal with love this btw)

And what a surprise, suddenly all these men -- either courting or just workmates or whatever -- suddenly becomes very capable and reliable around me.

None dare to pull the weaponized incompetence with me.

Why?

Because I put them on the "Highly Competent, Highly Reliable Men" box and let them know that's how I view them -- none of this mommying coddling whatever creepy-ass behavior I see people do nowadays.

If they dare stray from that box? Well, what a Disappointing Drew. I keep my distance from men that can't raise up to the challenge.

Yeah, the bar is in hell. We all know that. But that doesn't mean you can't raise the challenge and set the bar high -- and let them compete against each other to prove that they are in fact, that high bar.

Men are extremely competitive you know? Especially when it comes to impressing a woman. So let them raise up to the challenge.

Stop babying them.

When you walk into that dinner date, you want to see him straightening up and raise from his chair to welcome you.

You want him to be the one calling for the waiter (once making sure you are settled and comfortable) and recommend you the best option from the menu.

You want him to put his best foot forward and make you enjoy the evening in all the ways you are most comfortable in.

And once the bill comes, he would wordlessly take care of it without interrupting the atmosphere of the date.

And continue to put his best foot forward even years and decades later.

You want to be the kind of woman that keep him raising his own bar higher and higher each time.

Because you will NOT accept anything less.

He isn't up for the challenge? Well sucks, get out of your way then.

Don't go to that bar in hell and keep trying to pull them up, keep negging them to be "better" and hope for magical rainbow and unicorn fart, sis.

Set the bar sky high and challenge them to raise up and surpass it.

He is too much of a coward to face that challenge? Good, walk away.

Stop wasting your time -- seriously, what are you doing???

Stop making a fool of yourself.

Stop babying a grown-ass man.

Stay safe, Stay Woman.

Accepted Answer

I do love a man with capable hands 🙌

In my late teens/early 20s (when I was still dependent on my parents and newly independent) I struggled with hyper independence. Fortunately for me I was high achieving enough to not have much time to date, so the guys that tried to latch onto me weren't successful. BUT if I hadn't accidentally walked into an avoidant scrote and subsequently found FDS I would still have that Ms Independent attitude.

FDS was so radical for me bc it allowed me to acknowledge the part of myself that wants help, that wants to lean on others, and that wants to be able to reliably depend on a partner. FDSBefore FDS I was adamantly rejecting that part of myself and viewing it as an inferior 'want'- and all of that crap was internalized mysoginy. I would actively seek out men I felt superior to and try to 'set a good example' or 'prove my virtue/skill' to underperforming ToRtuHReD men bc it flattered my ego and didn't require me to be vulnerable.

LadySadie · Answer

P.S. It can also be a generational thing for women raised in the 50s and 60s who were "liberated" in the 70s and taught this misguided form of female "empowerment". What it yielded was an entire generation of free-loading, jobless men, and women happy (? not really??) to pick up the tab, tirelessly supporting them (financially ,and every other way) while they searched for their dream job, got through school, or tried to become a rock star....many of whom ended up deadbeat dads as the divorce rate skyrocketed like never before! (My grandfather was a car mechanic with ELEVEN kids and his family never went hungry, shoeless, homeless, etc. because he WORKED to provide for them, whatever it took. The younger half even went to private school!) I worked for a woman from that generation. When I told her I'd like a nice guy to take me to dinner, she said, "Times sure have changed. In my day, you never let a guy pay for your dinner." I said, "I don't have anything to prove."

LadySadie · Answer

ONE BAJILLION PERCENT, sisters! Exactly what I was thinking, that this is very typical of young women, trying to prove themselves and gain independence, which is good--EXCEPT when you allow it to turn into letting a man use your skills and services and not give anything back because you "don't need anything from a man". I don't harshly judge you little sisters because it's normal and something we all have to learn. So, stay humble, sisters with more experience! And, stay humble, younger sisters! You don't know everything, you don't know more than your older sisters, they're not old-fashioned/uneducated/weak, whatever. They've been where you are now and have some wisdom to offer. Take advantage of it!

I've had experiences where I was working with recent college grads and we needed some heavy lifting done. I wanted to get the boys to do it, but the girls insisted on doing it, themselves, to "prove" their capability. (These girls were highly educated, btw--one was a grad of both Harvard and Princeton at 21!) One of them said to me, "I'm tired of needing the boys to do things for me." In a way, I stand that. Go ahead, little sister--prove yourself to yourself , and develop your independence! That's part of growing up. Just be careful not to judge me, because I'm already grown-up and have proven myself countless times. I have no existential need to "prove myself" by lifting heavy things (unless I am weight training for my health! lol) or pay for my own dinner. These are both things I have done my whole life. So, if there is a man around, I will let him do it! And, guess what--we are both happier! Men actually want to prove themselves by providing for you. It's a matter of male pride. Ever hear of men fighting among themselves over who pays the restaurant/bar bill? That's a thing! Used to be more common. Ask Granny!

volana · Answer

HEAR HEAR! being miss independent and still be unable to "keep" a scrote around was such a sobering experience.

Galaktoboureko89🧿♉️🇬🇷🗽 · Answer

Mothers and dads (but its mostly mom) too should also STOP babying their sons and doing everything for them. Because it starts when they're young. Teach them chores early and age appropriate. Teach them boundaries.