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My mom texted me a screenshot of a Google search which are the best dating apps for people over 30. At Easter dinner earlier this month, I had two of my former coworkers over and they asked me how dating was going. I told them I deleted the apps because I just can't find anyone worth giving a shot. Then one of them showed me a photo of a coworkers son and asked me what I thought. He was overweight and balding and I was NOT attracted to him at all. I just made a face and he laughed and put his phone away. I also said I don't want a man with kids. My other coworker said she felt the same way when she was dating, but ended up with someone who had a young daughter at the time. My mom said you just eliminated a percentage of men. I don't care. I'm not interested in other people's kids. I'm not interested in being a step-mom. Also, my mom's friends daughter just got married in Vegas.
Yes I know what you all will say, but I'm so irritated that I need to vent. Nothing I do will change anything. I don't have my life together yet. I want to get some things in order first such as a higher paying job, car etc....
I get SO MUCH OF this shit. I'm 28, I teach at a college, I own my own house, and I have a PhD. My friend legitimately suggested I should date a friend of her bf's who has a kid. I was like "WTF HE HAS A KID" and she was like "no but its' not his fault!! his ex baby trapped him and he's not really involved in the kid's life" and I was like "??? what kind of guy isn't involved in his kids life?!?!". It feels insulting. My mom tried getting me involved in the whole arranged marriage market and while everyone is hyper educated and loaded that's all they are - they basically devoted their whole lives to compulsively studying and somehow thought that entitled them to forgo developing any sense of humor or conversational skill, so naturally I couldn't develop feelings for anyone. She constantly rags on me for needing romantic feelings to feel comfortable doing anything physical - she acts as if it's naive and irrational to literally just not want to be raped, lmfao.
It's exhausting enough searching for a HVM without the constant onslaught of "why haven't you dated the local homeless guy yet?!?!?" from every single woman ever. Guess what'd happen if you followed their advice: you'd date some loser, he'd fuck up your life, and then these same people would blame you for ignoring the red flags.
I don't have much in the line of advice but I can empathise. My mother is also obsessed with marrying me off and she went through a phase where she harassed me non-stop about online dating i.e. she wanted me to do it and I didn't because I was concerned about the safety risks. The only thing that worked for me was while I was living at home, I pretended that I was dating, just to get my mother off my back. Once I moved out and was no longer financially dependent on her, I just told her flat out that my dating life was no longer up for discussion. She wasn't happy about this but she had no choice but to accept it because there was nothing she could hold over my head.
I think it's the same as setting any other boundary. For me personally, it's saying "I'll tell you when there is something to tell, in the meantime, I would appreciate it if you didn't ask".
If they ask again: "what did I say last time you asked me?" and repeat ad nauseum.
You have to hold your ground and stay firm, but everyone has got the message eventually.
I also found it slightly helpful to cut people a tiny bit of slack and acknowledge to myself that they are asking out of kindness and because they care about me. That perspective was needed when I was drowning in the "are you seeing anyone?" comments (although I appreciate its not easy).
You are doing the right thing deleting the apps. So much is coming to light right now, about how these dating app companies put up fake profiles because they want you to stay on their apps longer. How these apps use your photos without your permission to catfish men into agreeing to in-app purchases. How they are full of married men looking for something on the side. And romance scammers. And predators of all kinds.
Bumble recently dropped their mask by putting out billboards that reeked of disrespect. Now people realize more than ever that they desperately need women on their apps, because women are the product - they are basically making money off selling their female users to their male users.
The other dating apps really all have similar business models, they just haven't yet made a big marketing mistake that shows everyone what they really think of their users.
These apps are shady and it is downright dangerous to give them your photos and personal info.
They are not trying to help anyone find a good match. They don't profit if people leave. Their goal is to keep people on their apps forever.
Dude wtf, just block her for a while this is borderline bullying.