Should you message asking for confirmation of the date on the day of?

I learned this the hard way lol. No, never "touch base" before a date, he is the one who asked you out. I got flaked on so many times that my rule of thumb is - if the date is in the evening and he doesn't reach out by lunch, just block him. He isn't going to reach out the last minute, he just isn't interested, and that's okay, I just struggled to accept this fact until it was after the set date time and I had clearly been ghosted.

If that is blocking too soon for you, wait until the last hour. If he doesn't hit you up an hour before the date, the date isn't happening. (I also recommend not even getting ready for the date until that last hour, with confirmation. This has saved me stress, razorblades, hair products etc.)

It looks like you've already answered your question.

No, you should not.

No, and you don't bother getting ready to go meet him if he doesn't confirm the day before/the day of

If he hasn't confirmed by 11.30am the day of the date, then it's a no

No, do not do this. It's his job. Don't even start getting ready until he confirms.

If a man is lucky enough for me to accept a date, he’d better be looking forward to it from the moment we schedule it until the moment we meet. He’s thinking about it and preparing for it. Then naturally he will want to confirm with me the night before or morning of the date. If he doesn’t reach out to me 12-24 hours before the date, I assume it’s not happening and he’s not worthy of my presence.

NO! If he wanted to see you, he would confirm with you. Unless you had a rock solid plan ALREADY made ("I'll pick you up at 6pm for dinner on Saturday"), do not follow up. Who wants a lukewarm date with a man who at best doesn't have proactive communication skills and assumes you'll be waiting by the phone, at worst he's not interested and hoping you forgot? If there was a time AND date AND plan set, get ready for the date but have other plans. If you don't hear from him at the time he was going to pick you up block him.

This is about getting a respectful boyfriend, not "a date". If your goal is casual dating, or a one time date, knock yourself out by following up if he remembers your existence. I would think it seems sad like you expect men to forget you.

No. He's the one who should confirm.

On point post from the subreddit

You're not wrong for wondering what to do because I used to wonder what I should do when I didn't see things for what they were. Just as many commenters have already said, he asked you out on the date so he should be the one checking in that you're still free.

Ideally, people's word should be their bond meaning that if a guy asks a woman out on a date, the woman should be confident that the date will still hold unless the guy reaches out, ahead of time, to say why he can't make it with a new day the date should hold. But seeing as most people, especially men, cannot be trusted, checking in became a thing, with women being the one doing the checking. If a guy doesn't check with you ahead of time that you're still on for the date, then the date isn't happening.

If he messages you or calls you to ask why he didn't see you because he happened to be at the restaurant and you were a no-show, simply tell him that since you didn't hear from him, you figured that the date was no longer happening. If he asks why you didn't call him to ask if the date was still going ahead, be brave and tell him that since he asked you on the date, you were expecting to hear from him about whether the date was still on or not. A HV man won't be doing any of this as he would know that he should be the one reaching out to you before the date but a LV guy will not understand why you didn't call him (which is a way to boost his ego) and be angry that his power play game didn't work.

UPDATE:

I caved.

When I hadnt heard from him confirming the date, I messaged him asking if we were still on for the night. He said yes but then got the agreed upon time wrong. He thought we were meeting half an hour later than we agreed upon... in messages only like one scroll up from the message where he got it wrong. So I had two red flags there: not confirming and not even remembering the correct date time. I already wasnt feeling good about it.

Went on the date and it was just awful. He seemed so different than how he seemed at the usual place we'd see each other. He seemed like he had proper HVM potential PLUS he asked me out face to face(no OLD) which was refreshing. So the date was really weird and disappointing. I still cant shake off the feeling of disappointment. I feel so foolish too for getting all excited about going on a date. Heres a list of the major red flags(there were others but these are the main ones):

- His "ex girlfriend" he broke up with last year was actually his wife of over ten years and theyre going through a divorce.

- He asked if I wanted to go back to his so I could drink more. When I declined he didnt drop it straight away.

- Asked if i'd ever been with a girl.

So yup. FDS, you were right again. Despite not following all your advice(thank you to every one who offered me their wisdom by the way... ive learnt the hard way that I should have listened) I do feel proud of myself for cutting the date short when I got too uncomfortable. I guess its a learning curve.

What am I on about, of course I shouldnt 🤣 Not gonna message him asking for confirmation(or "reminding" him of a date he asked me on). Just gonna get dressed, tell him when i've left my house and use whatever happens as a vetting strategy. If he forgets, he's a no go(and I use the opportunity of being dressed nice to go for a meal by myself). If he remembers, yay but basic so good 😅 And if HE messages ME asking for confirmation, thats also good. Just dont want him to think i'm not interested by not messaging him, but then if he wants to go on a date with me so much, surely he'll message for confirmation.

But then what if he's thinking the same thing and we're both sat by our phones 🫨

Fook. I present to you, the inner workings of a baby FDSer 🤣