Should I just give up on dating men?

I will say this: if you have the ability to be attracted to women, go for women. Do not even bother with men. The curse of heterosexuality for women is one fraught with violence and subjugation.

Thankfully I find most men pretty ugly, but I'm unfortunately hetero, and that's something to grapple with as a leaning-radical feminist. Equality and equity are two different things, and men seem to want neither.

Honestly this seems to be too much of a personal matter for us to have very strong opinions about, right? Only you know what you actually want to do but as other commenters said, you already answered your question. Many women would give up on men entirely if they weren't straight and, although it can sound terrible, a chunk of straight women see heterosexuality as a curse. Why do I have to only be attracted to the group of people that hurt me the most? The group of people who are the majority of rapists and murderers? If given a choice a lot of us wouldn't be attracted to men at all. But that's not the point, the point is that you're clearly uncomfortable with the relationship dynamics we propose here. It's fine to disagree, however, don't enter a relationship with a man thinking that what we say won't apply to him.

If you choose to date men, you must do it with your max benefit in mind. Don't date a man thinking that he's different from the rest and you'll get to be equal partners. That's rarely the case. I don't think it's impossible to be equals with a man but it's really difficult and most men aren't interested in being equals anyway. They simply want to get the most out of the relationship, that's why the "I want to take the guy on dates and make the first move" is shooting yourself in the foot. They will take and take and don't give a flying fuck about being equals. I'm not bisexual but I can see how an equal relationship is more possible with a woman. Just the fact that both parties experience the same struggles (sexism, patriarchy, fear of murder and rape, etc) puts you both on the same starting line. This doesn't mean you'll be compatible with every woman, of course. In the end, the choice is yours. God knows that if I could be attracted to women, I'd have given up on men ages ago.

Pardon the blunt question: Are you looking to have a child with a man? If not, it may be more strategic and less disappointing to date women. I actually have met several men who have high value qualities who aren't into traditional gender roles. It's not impossible. I am not attracted to these types of men, so it's a no-go for me. I would only caution you to watch out, as always, for men who are looking for a woman to run the entire relationship. For me, if I was sexually attracted to women I don't think I would bother with men. Sadly I am extremely hetero, and find (rare) men so insanely beautiful.

Hey, I'm bisexual as well and it's something that really is digging my head in ever since I've discovered both radical feminism and FDS.

Radical feminism is quite strict with separatism, as in, not dating men at all and either practicing celibacy or dating women exclusively instead. FDS, despite some of it being quite friendly with radical/4th wave feminism and vice versa, I find it is also strict in understanding and acting accordingly with why men and women behave in a certain way when it comes to the mating dance of relationships and sexual intimacy. By a lot of outsider's eyes, I'd wager FDS almost appear politically conservative in the way we talk about men and how relations should be between the sexes.

As a bisexual, we are torn from both sides of this. A lot of us have grown up feeling confused about how to practice gender roles since a good number of us are masculine oriented, or just plain gender nonconforming, and thus why we feel comfortable doing things like approaching people first. I've approached my exes and people I've casually dated in general first almost 8 out of 10 times, and I don't know if this is because of deep insecurities as wanting to be picked by a good man and feeling like I'm unworthy unless I performed for love vigorously, or that I felt disgusting that I was born capable of finding women sexually attractive also and felt like I had so much to prove. It doesn't help the porn world depicts bisexual women in an unsavory light, leading both heterosexuals and homosexuals to see us as.. not good partner materials. So, we internalize this and perform extra hard. All in the name of love.

As to whether or not you should give up on dating men is an answer only you can come up with on your own accord. There are bisexual women out there who only date women and are as happy as can be. Bisexual women face very high rates of domestic violence, stalking, and rape from male partners. Dating women comes with it's own hardships and heartache, but it is much safer overall. The only thing I need to warn you is to not take up the whole dating women exclusively as a way to swallow bitterness against men further, because other women DO pick up on that and then accuse you of only dating women just because you're traumatized by men instead of just purely acting on your same sex attraction. You can certainly give up on dating men, but please keep in mind that healing the source of your trauma with men should come first and foremost, before you date women exclusively. Anything bad that happened to you in the past will come into your present relationships, so it's good to get in touch with yourself first before you bring a new partner into your life.

Thank you for writing this post. I feel the same as you, but I'm not bisexual (not officially anyway). I too find that the measures we should take to prevent being used by men are very restrictive to my freedom and authenticity. It's like the relationship version of walking home with you car keys in your hand at night. Is it really worth it?

Some fds principles made me rethink what I want and need - which is great. Others I understand in theory, the reason why they're necessary, but I don't feel it's really what I want for my life. So I've asked myself the same thing.

I'm not giving up on men yet but neither I will settle for any relationship where I feel I'm not being myself out of self preservation. Honestly if I was sure I could date women I would. And then if an exceptional man come along you can still be open to that, but without holding your breath. This would be my approach if I was in your shoes .

The problem is that the men you find who want to be "equal" and 50/50 are the men who don't want to provide and will be looking to use you so that they don't have to pay the bills and provide. Men don't come to have feminist ideals out of compassion and caring for women; they come with the "we're equal, so the woman has to do everything" mindset. He will nickle and dime and lawyer you every minute of the relationship making sure you do your "fair" share and that he's not doing more than you. That's why FDS exists. Men use equality as a weapon against women. They've not actually accepted in their minds and hearts that we're equal. They want to knock us down to prove we're not equal. Heterosexual relationships are inherently unequal. Can a man be pregnant for half of 9 months? Have periods every other month? Breastfeed the baby every other time? Can a man lend you his testosterone and male skeletal strength so that you can work like him? If you want true equality, you'd have to be with a female. There are rules to dealing with men, and every woman who breaks these rules suffers greatly.

I no longer subscribe to the notion of equality at least in America for various reasons. That being said, go out and date women and be honest about why without dwelling on the why being men. The last thing you want to do is "experiment" and come off looking like a Hunter, or worse, trauma bond over why men are the way they are even if the woman you choose is bisexual. You may want to keep this hush for a while for being safe from the male gaze and other folks. Go for it in '23!

I see a lot of all or nothing thinking in your post. You have the eQuAlitY delusion going on here. Respectfully. “A strictly gendered relationship” is something someone or some institution has taught you to fear. Consider the source(s). Your challenge now, should you choose to accept it, is to determine whether the foregoing beliefs are serving your personal fulfillment goals or not.

You’re answering your own question. You don’t want it, so why are you here? It’s literally what FDS is founded upon. These are essentials that can be found in the handbook.

yes, you should give up on men forever. they aren't worth it.

i too want a relationship where we are equals, but that just seems impossible with men. they always take advantage.