She gets paid, by the government, to be the caregiver of her paralysed boyfriend

I hope she leaves him for the following reasons: He lacks a support system outside of her. That is a huge red flag. Never be anyone's everything. His family doesn't support her. They are just using her to dump their son on. He refuses to marry her. Being disabled is not an excuse 🙄. They dont have to have a legal wedding. He can get friends/family members to help him organize a decent proposal and ceremony. He should have given her the ring that he planned on getting her even just as a thank you gift. Instead he smugly talks about how he "planned" to give it to her. How pathetic. Every lazy scrote I know "plans" but never follows through with any plans. There are youtubers with his form of paralysis who still hold jobs or run businesses. There are special computer keyboards he can use. He is just LAZY! Laziness in men is a form of partner abuse. He shows no real empathy or remorse for what he is putting her through. He probably thinks it is a woman's duty to serve him. Caretaking is a wife duty not a girlfriend duty. She wants a baby, and this man is not fit for fatherhood. His family will most likely not help her with the baby. She is beautiful, young and has her whole life ahead of her. She deserves better than a life of servitude and minimum wage which is all this guy can offer her She is burnt out, and she will grow to resent him. She is probably staying out of guilt and family pressure. Remember that society views women as helpers for men, they don't see us as people with our own goals and lives. She needs to escape the sexist societal expectations placed on her. This is the key thing that is keeping her stuck. Men show love through action. This man does absolutely nothing for her, he does NOT love her. He just finds her convenient. Disability doesn't excuse a man from being vetted. Keep your standards the same for all men. I know HVM on YouTube who are paralyzed. NO excuses.

the fact that she says her state has the audacity to pay wives less (less paid hours) but somehow does not mind doing it ALL as a girlfriend.... notice how he mentions a ring but still wont give her one....

also notice how physically taking care of him was not enough, she mentions how he is using her for his mental and emotional health as well... while it is both extremely mentally and physically taxing on her own body

since it seems that he is not working (and low/no income) he should qualify for medicaid - and Medicaid pays for long term care (which he is clearly eligible for). there are several other government programs that help pay for the type of skilled care that he will need.

I had an elderly family member that became a paraplegic and also needed round the clock care. the doctor and services immediately stepped in and got him set up for care - in a nursing home - which is being funded through government assistance. his wife was also elderly and the doctors and staff all told her the care was too much for her to handle and that it needs to be left to the professionals.

my point is that this man is saddling her down with the burden of doing EVERYTHING for him - wiping his ass, doing the errands, care giving, AND being a therapist and he COULD HAVE bought her a ring (even if she was being a pickme who insisted she didn't want to get married) she is cracking from burnout. he is also keeping her POOR because the caregiving role she said only pays minimum wage. I imagine that their bills are barely being covered. she is TRAPPED now.

did anyone else notice how she is speaking? she is picking and choosing her words very carefully and walking on eggshells. she is scared to say too much or say something that makes her sound like caring for him is a turn-off.

he doesn't love her. he is using her and trapping her and there is no need for it. he doesn't even seem appreciative of anything.

I hope she realizes her worth and leaves him. she will never get the marriage and children and lifestyle she wants caring for him like this. it is not her job and is breaking her.

I bet if she was the one that had the accident he would have left her. Most men leave women when they get sick.

Why is she his "sole carer" ... Where are his parents, brothers, sisters, cousin's, uncles, aunts.... Why has his family cut him off... Is his character so bad...

I’ve been caregiving for brain & spinal injured patients for nearly a decade, including quadriplegics, so this issue hits a little too close to home for me. The amount of care this man will need is insane. He requires care 24 hours a day (yes, even when he’s sleeping. He’ll need someone to change his diaper and reposition him all night so he doesn’t get bedsores and infections). Even if she were as strong as an ox and paid millions from the government, his needs grossly exceed her physical abilities. Despite him obviously qualifying for government assistance, he is watching her drown just so he can stay at home, when the most appropriate place for him is probably in a Skilled Nursing Facility. In a SNF, he’s get all of his nursing and physical therapy needs met under one roof, and his gf could actually spend quality time with him, instead of performing back-breaking labor for slave wages at home. He’s obviously capable of contacting his case worker and arranging his care for himself, but he’s happily letting her do it all for him. I’m sorry to sound so harsh toward a disabled person, but this is LVM behavior on his part. And all her self-sacrificing PickMe behavior is really dangerous, because it could result in injury or death. As a caregiver, it’s her responsibility to recognize her limitations and ask for help, not self-flagellate just to prove how put-upon she is. Sorry for the screed, but both of these guys are being irresponsible, and this case needs a serious reality check from a social worker.

One critique on the video:

I think Conner should lose weight. Jane is doing her part to support him as best as she can. He should do his part to make it easier for her to support him. There is no reason why males should weigh more than females. He can go on a diet, eat less (since he's moving less). The video mentions that the both of them were in-shape fit people before the accident happened. This means Connor gained weight after getting paralyzed. He was not this heavy before.

Possibly because while his lifestyle changed, (reduced physical activity), his diet (food consumption) did not change. He should eat smaller portions of food now, because he doesn't need as much energy as he used to. All that wasted energy gets stored in his body as fat, and this makes him heavier to lift. And this in turn hurts his partner caretaker Jane, who is lifting him daily.

Jane should put him on a diet. And her partner Conner should agree to this, and make an effort to maintain his weight at at most 20 BMI. There is no reason for Jane to keep lifting a heavy-set man who is intent on gaining weight while being paralyzed.

Losing weight is also good for Conner's health, as it will help him heal faster and better. Low weight is better for physiotherapy. It's easier on his joints and ligaments. He should lose weight both for himself and for his partner. (That he has a "beer belly" now, is not on.) He must change his eating habits, adjust his food intake to his current lifestyle.

If he refuses to lose weight, then he is refusing to make an active effort to recover, get better and re-establish his health. If he insists on gaining weight, that means he is growing comfortable in the current situation. If he reacts like this to Jane's suggestion to go on a diet and limit his food intake, then Jane should leave him.

That's just my opinion after watching the video.🙁

I saw this video and the comments are so weird. Look I understand she genuinely cares for this man, but her neglecting herself is not noble. She needs to live her life as a young lady with many decades ahead of her. Even if they did marry before his accident, she should still be able to find time for herself. This kind of work is exhausting.

I hope she gets to live a fulfilling life. Who knows if the guy would have done the same for her if they switched places

I get it. It's like being a martyr, like self flagellation. The longer she does this, the harder it's going to be to leave.

I remember this concept of Hell that I can't remember where I got it from: people could actually leave Hell, but they don't want to because they think they deserve punishment.

Also. she's going to have horrible back problems because she doesn't know how to lift properly. At least in the care homes/ special care wards they have lifting machines.

So, are we supposed to leave our partner when they get sick?

How soon? When should we leave?

Is Covid a good reason to dump a partner?

(Because long Covid exists and can be harmful.)

Should we just walk out on them when they start having a fever? Is that the best strategy?