Sharing some struggles

I should re-read the handbook. But I also don’t want us to have the culture of “just read the handbook!” With each other.

I want us to share with each other our struggles, and be kind and gentle both with each other and ourselves. It’s ok to struggle. And here k want to make that public today.

I am, on surface, put together. I have an exceptional career, so very well. An advanced degree. Live in a great are. Working on some health and mental health and fiercely improving my life!

I have always had poor taste in me, get stuck on the wrong men. Waste emotion effort and time. But I am growing into myself finally, and centering myself and prioritizing friendships with women over men. It’s going great.

I still however struggle with letting go. Even if someone is trash. Even if they have proven trash and even dangerous repeatedly. I struggle. I don’t want to be embarrassed that I struggle, because I just need to share that to work through it. It’s like some addict hiding the addiction, or an overweight person hiding things instead of fixing them. So sharing some brief journaling from today, as I process some of my feelings.

I hope this helps someone else, and is not just me journaling publicly :)

I don’t forgive you

I don’t like you

You are not good enough

You are not reliable

You are not kind

You are not polite

You are aggressive

You are dangerous

You are vile

You are misogynistic

You are fragile, weak

You are not strong

You are not gentle

You are not successful

You are not young

You are selfish

You are hurtful

You are manipulative

You are porn addicted

You are a liar

You are opportunistic

You are vindictive

You are a bully

You do not have great hair

You are not good

You are not good enough