Share your LVM dating stories 🍿

I’ll go first.

Met a guy on Tinder several years ago.

Handsome, tall and smart German guy. Invited me to a museum. When I arrived there on time, he asked me to get the tickets for both of us at the booth and that he would repay me later (never did, lol).

Lessons learned: never pay for a man. Ever. And never go on a date where you are expected to pay for yourself.

We walk around, talk about art, he talks about his 'online design business' and how he's hustling so hard on Instagram. After a quick search, I find out the page of his business has 10 followers. I asked him about it and he said his clients are 'very discrete'. Lol.

Lessons learned: a true entrepreneur will not brag about his hustle. His actions towards you and the amount of finance he is willing to invest in you will show how successful he is. Actions over words.

After we were done with the museum, he asked me if I was hungry and took me, I shit you not, to a convenience store, where he bought me, I shit you not again, a 1$ candy and told me 'not to worry about it'. I was so shocked I could not speak.

Unfortunately, I was so taken aback by his looks, I went out on a second date with this disaster. Called it off after that when he asked me if he can stop at my place and take a pee. Wished him well after that and ignored his messages. Scrote still messages me after years and religiously watches my Instagram stories.

Lessons learned: Handsomeness cannot compensate for ultimate cringe and low value. You can literally look at a handsome face and be repulsed by an attitude.

Picnics are for broke men. You WILL end up getting miniscule provisions, talking 1 water each and a tin of almonds. And then of course when you leave early he thinks he's done such a romantic job he snipes a horrible sloppy kiss that will make you cry on your way home *Picnics and hikes only in well established relationships where he has proved he knows how to feed you

I've never dated anyone but back when I was incredibly naive I met up with a 29 year old guy when I was 15 and a half who talked to me at the public library near my house and asked me to let him pick me up at my house, first red flag. Also, I think he was lying about his age because he had a lot of gray hairs but I didn't say anything, he knew about my age but didn't care.

He was so disgusting, he looked at me like a piece of meat and would lick his lips and look at me like prey, I felt so exposed. We drove around for like half an hour and then he parked at the local park and told me he wouldn't take me home unless I gave him a hand - job. Thank God my parents had my location tracked and they called him, bring our underage daughter home or the police will get involved, they got involved anyways.

Unfortunately, I can be easily manipulated and this is why I'm glad I discovered this community, it's so important to vet for this very reason

This is 100% a self roast as well. Truly a cornucopia of red flags.

I met him on a bdsm subreddit. I was 24 and he was 55. He was into CNC and "grooming kink".

He lived in another state, but would be attending a conference in my city about 2 months after we started talking.

While he is on the way to my city he tries to get me to let him stay at my place instead of getting a hotel. I say no, but agree to meet him for dinner. After dinner we hung out with some of his work friends, he introduced me as his date and we did a lot of PDA.

I end up going back to his hotel after dinner and sleeping over (I know, bad me). In the morning he went to the conference and I stayed in the room and ordered room service. About 5 minutes after I ordered the phone rang, so I figured they were out of some menu item and picked up.

NOPE. It was his wife. I hung up the phone in a panic and started gathering my things to evacuate, she apparently called him, he came back to the room, assure me he wasn't mad at me (so gracious!), and proceeded to tell me how his wife is "just paranoid" (about something that's actually happening???)

Lessons: don't meet people on bdsm subreddits, don't date people your parent's age, don't date people who admit to being predators for kink, don't date people who value their convenience over your space/safety, check if people are married. Also - scrotes will cover for other scrotes. None of his friends had an issue with him blatantly cheating.

My time to shine.

- the guy who proudly admitted to waiting outside the coffee shop so I bought my own drink

- the guy who spilled a jug of water on my lap, then invited me for lunch at his house on the third date

- the guy who bragged about how rich he is but was cheap as fuck

- the guy who gifted me the exact same thing I got him. Huh?

I'll add more as I think of them

Strap in, ladies. This summer. Tinder date with a guy 10 years older (first and second error tee’d up nicely for ya there). He drives to me because I’m in a tourist town and we have a pleasant but long day doing fun arcade games, wandering by the beach and grabbing a bite to eat. During which time I can’t help but note he is in need of a deodorant. So far so good-ish but the lesson? All day dates are not the one. 1-2 hours max for an early meeting. When we get back to his car I invited him for a coffee out of misplaced politeness (hello idiot Moxy) which he enthusiastically accepts (duh). Lesson: don’t let a scrote into your home ffs. At the point of putting down the dude’s coffee in front of him he FARTED TWICE ON MY SOFA OMG. My face was a picture. The man did NOT apologise and proceeded to make a joke of it whilst the internal image in my mind was one of bulging eyes. Naturally I hurried things along and tried to bid him adiós. As I’m leading him out my front door he tells me that he was expecting to stay the night which he then tries to pass off as a joke upon seeing my steely reaction. The image of his toothbrush poking out of his bag said otherwise. Lesson: assume the vast majority of awful men on OLD are after sex. It gets better. He couldn’t figure out how to activate the barrier code for my parking lot (4 digits was clearly too taxing). I did it for him and got to see the barrier come crashing down on his bonnet as he drove away too slowly. Upon my return to my apartment I applied a liberal dose of Febreeze to my couch. He is hereby known as Stinky Steve. Lesson: avoid Stinky Steves and their ilk.

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell the tale of the Poo Man. In my early 30s, I met a guy through a community social activity, one which you'd think would have a much higher chance of attracting decent men. He seemed to be the latter - until we'd been dating for a few months, when he started to act a little controlling and weird.

One Saturday night we were out to dinner in a nice restaurant. We get our menus and then he stands up and says, "I have to go poo now" and leaves the table.

I sit there, half in shock, half chuckling to myself, thinking, oh surely I am being pranked. Waiting for someone to jump out from behind a wall. Alas, my boyfriend returns and carries on with our meal as if nothing has occurred. Cue twilight zone music.

In the car, I can't take it anymore. I say, what was up with that "I have to poo" stuff? He responds that he had to poo. Reality is beginning to spin. I say well, surely you didn't need to announce it at the table. (I mean this man is 30 something, not three. )

His response is to start raising his voice and telling me off, saying "if you can't deal with poo, how will you deal with the REAL issues in life!" Was this a ... shit test? Lol.

By the end of the car ride he is screaming at me and ugly crying. Here's where Poo man takes a dark turn. I broke up with him over the phone. The next morning, he was waiting outside my apartment when I stepped out to go to work. He tried to force me to get in his car, even dragging me by the arm. I shoved him and screamed at him to not touch me.

He told everyone at our community group we both belonged to that I was "mean to him."

I wish I had fewer stories. Starting from when I was youngest to oldest. The time a friend of mine and I went out to the bars and ended up going back to a frat house with two guys. She was into hers, and I wasn’t into his friend at all. He said, and I quote, “Your friend seems to be having fun. Not even a blow job?” I said no, and stepped outside for a cigarette. He stepped outside with me but then said he was going to go back inside because it was cold. He locked the door. I had planned to call a friend to come get me, anyway, which is what I did. The phase where I dated a law student who became a big law lawyer. He treated me like absolute shit but I thought the money and security might be worth it. (It wasn’t.) When I finally persuaded him — I know, now, how bad this is — to take me to a nice dinner, I was confused at his instruction. I thought he was picking me up, but I was supposed to meet him there. He called me from the restaurant and just let me listen to the background noise of others dining/the restaurant, for about 30 seconds, before hanging up. He texted me to tell me that he was waiting. I think we ended up doing dinner there, but on a different night — don’t ask me why. The one where I met up with a guy from OLD and got an intense vibe. I learned later he was into CrossFit. Then I looked up his court records and found some documents that showed him basically acting as landlord to his girlfriend, and she was alleging him of changing the temperature, as well as changing the locks. We only met up one time, thank god. Next. The moment I was hooking up with a guy I had just been on a first date with — again, bad, I know — and as I went to straddle him, he came. There wasn’t even a moment of action and he was done. The time I asked a man to come to a thanksgiving dinner for the two of us. He never really confirmed, but I thought he did, so I made a whole meal for both of us. He never showed up. I ate by myself, froze his part, and ate it later. It seemed really sad at the time, but now I very much enjoy my holidays alone, and I like to think that one unknowingly kicked off some new traditions for me. Well, this is embarrassing, but it’s honest. An honest accounting of my sins, ha. I have intentionally not dated now for two years. It’s been two of the best years of my adult life. I think our dating culture is especially fucked right now, and I’ve just not wanted to put my energy toward any more of these bad experiences.

Oh boy I have a ton. This one stinky creature literally ate his boogers in public with no shame, got smelly dick cheese, watches FUCKED UP hentai, etc. Idk what my 15 year old self saw in him tbh. But I wanted to marry that thing when I was younger. This one autistic guy I dated because I like nerdy tall guys and he's cute but he was an asshole and confessed that he only want me because of my race, I still hate being my race till now because of that thing. I got more but damn wtf was wrong with me

Oh lord. I was briefly dating this dude. I was unsure about him up to this point. On the last date we went swimming. Asked him to put sunscreen on my back. He did it so fast, i thought he was gay. He proceded to sunbathe with me.... but I was very tanned already and he was as pale as a white wall. He got soo uncomfortable and said he'd like to lie in the shade. I said sure. But he didn't do it, because I wouldn't move with him. He couldn't lie RIGHT beside me if he moved a few steps up into the shade.. Hours pass. He turns back and forth nonstop. I tried to read a book that I brought with me, but whenever I would try to read, he wouldn't stop speaking to me. Hours pass and we go on to eat at this fancy restaurant. He was looking very unwell. He went home after dropping me off at my place. Later he told me that he was badly sunburned. He then didn't message me until next day, saying he had bad sunstroke and was on sick leave for the next 3 days and could barely lie down because of the sunburn. His MOTHER was putting lotion on his back for him.

I would be more embarrassed but I didn’t have FDS…

1. The guy where we met halfway and then he didn’t order anything at dinner. He paid but turned out to be broke. It was kind of awkward eating my meal as he drank water. For the second or third date he said he would mAke dinner but then we went grocery shopping and he forced me to co chef. He accused me of being a snob becaue of my irritation. He tried the “I need to see if we are sexually compatible line“ on the 3rd date.

2. I went on multiple dates with a guy who did travel to see me- but was stingy. 🕵🏽‍♀️Take notes as to why you want to avoid long distance and online. Over FaceTime I kind of suspected he had really bad teeth because he would always cover them to smile or laugh. We went on 5 or 6 dates and a full day trip to a national park and I never saw his teeth. He was 44 to my 38, not hot or rich and was short! He lied about his height but this was back when I thought I was shallow for wanting to be sexually attracted to my partner.🤷🏽‍♀️ Anyway, the first date was a cute picnic but I was hungry. The second date was a hike. He bought a plane ticket, hotel and came to visit me twice from out of state but was too cheap to buy me dinner! Always drinks and appetizer dates. I broke it off with him when he said I should come visit him but that it wasn’t fair for him to pay for the ticket. He told me that his intellect is what he had to offer.🤣 and that he shouldn’t have to pay to be with me. I was like, “I was very clear with you that I am dating for marriage and children. If you can’t provide, just say that.”

It was just so embarrassing that he thought he was going to trick me into some 50/50 relationship at his age. He also had the ugliest tattoos I had ever seen and would sell sneakers online. I can’t even believe this is real as I write this.

My ex. He’s as LV as it gets. I dated him for about a year. He broke my boundaries about porn. He constantly lied to me about it until I caught him. Same thing with asmr. He was into weird ass asmr of women whispering and roleplaying. I hate asmr to this day. I’m bi and he was a homophobic Christian. I know it’s not my place to assume others sexualities, but I don’t believe he’s a 100% straight. He would say things like gay people shouldn’t be allowed to go to church. He wouldn’t like us watching anything with gay couples in it. He told me constantly that I’d go to hell for being bi, yet he’s the type to also get off to lesbian porn. I still can’t believe a person who supposedly loved me kept telling me I’d go to Hell. I’m agnostic and not homophobic by the way, so that is one reason that didn’t work out. He would call me abusive, toxic, controlling, a stalker, etc. He wanted me to go to couple’s therapy with him. I was 18 or 19 at the time. He also asked to see my own therapist with me as a form of couple’s therapy like that’s so incredibly invasive. I knew why he wanted us to do couple’s therapy because he was a narcissist, so everything was always my fault and it was never his fault. He wanted a therapist to side with him and not me. Thank God I never did that with him. He’d be the type to ignore me for video games. He didn’t let me talk to his guy friends after I sided with his one friend on something. It was a dumb argument about video games and I took his friend’s side. One time, I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and he told me that he’s not sure if he can marry me because if we have kids, then he’ll always wonder if I’ll kill myself. Another way to make it about him and I don’t even want kids. He also broke up with me over the phone in three minutes. Also, this man had anime body pillows so you know the type that I was dealing with here. I go no contacts with exes, but through other people I found out he got a new girlfriend. I hope she runs far away from him, but good fucking riddance for me. Also, I'm sensing a pattern that he goes after younger girls because I was 18 and in my first semester when I met him. He was around 22 and already in a higher form of education than me. I'm pretty sure he's out of college and about 25, and I heard the young women he's dating is still in college and that she's younger than me. I still am a little fucked up from that relationship (mainly trust issues wise). I know that relationship was so fucked up because after we broke up almost everyone told me I seemed happier and more like myself

Edit: Sorry. I realized this isn't a dating story as in going on a date. I still hope it's okay to keep my comment up

I was once on a date with a gorgeous charming guy. He was walking me home when he said, “I need to go pee pee” and proceeded to urinate against a tree. We’d just been to an elegant piano bar and I was wearing designer heels (not that there's ever an excuse but he'd just spent some serious money on the date so I can only presume this was him at his best). Like… what!!! I’ve since had three sons and only one to my knowledge has ever urinated in public (he was four and it was a deserted park). It’s been fifteen years and I still shudder.

Met my ex on tinder 8 years ago. We dated in high school before rekindling through the app again. Only this time he was a bigger man child than before. It was if no time had passed since high school. I was always pursuing, setting up dates, whilst he gave me less than bare minimum played hot/cold. Final nail in the coffin was when I had food poisoning and he broke up with me that same day. Looking back I should never have given a second chance to begin with. Once a scrote, always a scrote.

I don't know know what story to choose out of the many I've got, but one guy, after I had been friends with him for a few months, thought, wrongly, that I could trust him to take care of my cat while I went to a week long Bahamas vacation. He had fooled me good enough that I felt I could trust him in my home. Well come to find out that while I was in the Bahamas, he was posting ads on Craigslist personals (before it got banned) looking for men and women to meet him at my apartment to smell my dirty underwear that i had in my hamper, and fuck in my apartment. Yeah, I can't believe that shit either. 😒 But I didn't actually find this out till 2 years after it happened. He never found anyone and that never ended up happening, but the fact that he tried absolutely disgusts me.

Just got a handmade gift from a man I was dating whose mother just posted a picture of a family dinner and there he was, with his supposed “ex.” The very same week.