Share tips on how to journal during courting to stay objective. What should I include?

If there’s a way you can do voice recordings and not have it look obvious, I’d urge that. It’s nonconsensual but you’re not going to go public and it’s just for your own reflection. I’d listen to how you talk together. Listen for interruptions, talking over, dismissals of feelings, not following up on clear interests. Think how you felt in emotions and in your body throughout the convo. How many questions do you ask each other and what types of questions? Closed or open? Does conversation flow or is it stilted? Can you get deep or does one of you resist and keep it surface level? Were you attracted? Could you tell if he was? Was your energy equal or mismatched? Overall I watch for mutuality and reciprocity. Those are watchwords I live and love by!

Reflect on how you felt during your interactions and why.

I’ve been regularly journaling since I was a teen. but I find the best way for me when I go on a date, I journal about it and just write generally about the date and then I feel like I can reflect on the smaller things that might be red or green flags.

I think going back and reading other entries is also helpful.

I’ve been doing this a loooooong time and it’s crazy how patterns repeat with men. If something small turned into something bad with one guy I’m sure it will happen with another guy that shows similar behaviour.

I don’t think there’s a right way to do this. I write about all kinds of things and I have. Been for years. You’ll just find your own style

i do think the most important thing is to go back and read previous entries, this will help you reflect and see how far you’ve come in many ways.

During courting, if there are any red flags, dump him immediately. That's how you stay objective. If he messes up, dump him. Don't be fantasizing away about him either. Look at his words and actions and the reality of them. Don't brush anything under the table, and don't make any excuses for what he does. Also, don't empathize with him and think you'd want someone to understand if you had to cancel a date or something like that. Because I've never had a male cancel a date on me for any other reason besides scrotery with another woman he thought was more of a sure thing. Don't project your kindness or good intentions onto him either. Stay above him and don't lower any of your expectations that revolve around being treated with respect and kindness.

I actually have been doing two kinds of journal entries for situations like this and I ask you hear me out. One is my initial, gushy, head over heals, dramatic “I think we’re falling in love” kind of journaling because denying my excitement without acknowledging it exists first makes me too stoic and I don’t like that version of myself. I’m an emotional human and I value and appreciate it about myself. This also helps me get my feelings out so I’m not ruminating or fantasizing about something that doesn’t exist with others in my life.

Next, I make a rationale entry. I ignore all the prose and I make it very “I felt safe when X. Or I felt unsafe when Y. Or I would be embarrassed if someone overheard or saw this.”

I am in a period where I am unsure if I want kids at this point. Still, I consider telling my future daughter about this moment. In plain words, not in my recollection. If I’d be ashamed to tell her, nope. I journal about if there’s anything I want to change about them, if it’s persistent then we’re incompatible no matter how I “felt“ in that first initial feelings entry. This is more recollection of the night in objective terms.

I hope this makes sense. It helps me looking at my raw feelings compared to the reality of the situation. If my feelings are more intense than the situation warranted it helps ground me and recognize I have these feelings, think about why I do despite the reality, and reconcile the two. It helps me be present and by not denying my emotions and recognizing I’m attracted to them for whatever reason, then I can proceed from there.