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Hi,
Separate to reading the FDS handbook and posts on this site, I thought it would be useful for this community to share some practical tips they swear by for raising one's self esteem.
I've realised that whilst I have confidence in many areas like my career, my self esteem as a single thirty-something female could do with a buff up. This is despite being sporty and active, in a good job etc. It occurred to me that many must feel a similar way, especially as a result of disappointing dating experiences.
So, what do you do to increase your self esteem that other queens could copy and/or benefit from? Do you have tips or lessons to share?
I've started reading Faith Jenkin's 'Don't settle, sis' and she suggests writing down the nice things people have said to you. I really love this exercise and found it gave me a little lift yesterday.
Sending peace and curious thoughts your way.
Moxy
Improve your posture. (That's your foundation, nothing else will last long if you're constantly, physically shrinking in on yourself by slouching)
Do "power poses" when you need a boost.
Completely give up on men and embrace/come to love the idea of growing old and dying alone. Honestly it sounds like bullshit but nothing is as reassuring as being able to know you would love your death. I have a picture in my head of me in my bed that I dragged out to the beach, in my 90's, dying peacefully after being stepped on by an elephant. 😂😂 I love it so much. I'm married but I never picture my husband in that, he's not welcome in my death bed and he wouldn't intrude anyway. Men love to make you feel existential dread at the thought of being/dying alone. Deny them that. Being alone is a treat. Honestly are any men better than curling up on clean sheets with a good book/game after a nice bath w/candles? If they can't beat your soothing rituals in value they shouldn't be in your life.
Things I do to build my confidence: - Work out - Dress up and look good - Skin care - Affirmations - Assign myself small achievable goals and every time I accomplish something I get a confident boost - Vision Board with goals/plans - Meditation (This is huge and helps clear your mind and soul) - Therapy (heal from past traumas and work on self love) - Listen to podcasts to expand my knowledge (been obsessed with Huberman Lab - Listen to your body and your gut and put yourself first always - Learn how to be more charismatic and social - No LVM/NVM in your life = less stress lol
Boundaries really help.
I love how our paths are so similar in regards to the suggestions on this thread! Essentially, I think adopting a growth mindset while being king to yourself and curious about your unique talents is the way forward.
I learned how to walk with my hips. I'm 35 and feel ten times sexier than I ever did in my 20's, all because I learned how to walk with my hips. Look up videos of Marilyn Monroe walking - that's what I'm talking about.
I'm still trying to gain the confidence to do this in front of men I'm attracted to - I find it's easiest to do when I'm at work and there's no one around. I want to try pole dancing classes to get more comfortable with my hips and sexuality around other people.
In terms of physical appearance I wear high heels at work and things that accentuate my curves in a conservative way. I focus on what's working for me instead of what isn't- my beautiful honey blonde hair, my Kardashian butt and hips, my legs that look fantastic in said heels.
Also, strangely, the book 'Brave New World' helped my confidence. It helped me get off social media and ditch my social conditioning. At my age I should be freaking out about the lines on my face and starting to invest in beauty procedures, but Brave New World steered me away from that.
Surround yourself with friends who love and accept you for who you are. That’s been the biggest game changer for me.