Roster Dating? I wish.....

This is the hardest part of the strategy for me. I struggle to find ONE man I would go on a date with. Most men just want to "grab a drink" or "netflix and chill". How the hell are women finding multiple attractive men that will take them out on nice dates?

It's never worked for me. If anything, it has actually put me more instead of less at risk for overlooking shit I shouldn't, all in the name of 'but I have to have a roster!' So it's not a strategy I personally advocate. Also, who the fuck has got time for all that anyway?? Exhausting.

I don't think it's the actual roster that's as important as the FDS mindset behind it, meaning:

-don't get obsessive and start fantasizing about one man you barely know

-keep comparing him to other men and keep your eye out for other options regardless of the scrote whining about exclusivity (they never really give it to us, do they?)

-never stop vetting, especially in early stages

-have your own hobbies and goals

-get your education/career in order and prioritize that over your relationships with men

-don't have sex with him or commit in any significant way if he has not proved himself to you and you're happy to do so, not reluctant or feel like you 'have to' because you spent x amount of time with him or he spent x amount of money on you

If it helps, you can also conceptualize the "roster" not with just men but with everything else you've got going on in your life. He can fit in when, and if, it's convenient for you. And if he's dragging you down or there's other things you'd rather spend your time on....well, there's your answer to whether he's staying or not.

Long-post warning. TLDR below. It's my only experience. I'm not particularly special or gorgeous. You don't "get into" it, you consciously and purposefully build it for yourself. If you subconsciously think it can't happen, it won't--for you. I would caution against the idea of "patiently waiting for a HVM," because it still centers a man in your life, despite "living your best life." You want to be in a place where a HVM is a bonus, not a goal, not a necessity. Otherwise, there's still some pick-me programming lurking in your self-conscious that could sabotage the life you're building. It only takes one divorce/relationship to wreck your financial and social life for a decade or more. Back to roster dating: Even as a low-self esteem pick me, I still roster dated. I was vulnerable to love-bombing from a narc because of my low-self esteem, but still roster dated. In hindsight, there were two other guys who had excellent HVM potential, I just didn't see myself the way they saw me and fell for a long-con. I kept a rotation of 3-5 guys at all times using OLD (Gasp!) as the top of my roster "funnel." Never had an empty spot for long and shuffled guys in and out rapidly. It is like a part time job in terns of vetting, but it worked well when I was working 50-70 hour weeks at a job I loved and wanted to make time for potentially meeting a HVM. I'll do the same thing again going forward--roster dating as a "meet and vet" system--just with boundaries, self-esteem, a life purpose of my own, resolved trauma (yay, therapy), and no centering of a man regardless of how "HV." Be encouraged. It works. And it can work for you. TLDR Roster dating as a meet-n-vet system works, BUT you must have your self-image and ideal, non-man-centered life clearly visualized FIRST. You build it for yourself, at your own pace. It will never just "happen." You don't have to be exceptional in any particular way. Just be fairly organized/consistent with a clear life vision and hella' strong boundaries.

One of the many reasons why i’m all for focusing on yourself and life 100% and don’t even think of men until a worthy one comes along. It only takes one anyway and if not, you have yourself and your peace

Back when I was dating I'd go on dates that sounded fun even if I wasn't immediately attracted to a guy. I'm more attracted to intelligence than looks anyway and it's hard to judge that quickly, so if they had a date idea that sounded creative or like he was actually paying attention to my interests I'd give him a chance. I also need a few hours in person to properly vet someone, so I ended up accepting more dates than I probably should have, but even when the guy turned out to be lv or nv I was careful/safe enough with planning that I usually had some fun on the date anyway and basically all the nasty stuff happened over text afterwards.

I'm not saying you should lower or change your standards, but I judged dates separately from the men asking me out. I like to collect experiences so if it's a movie I want to see, or a restaurant I like, or a (safe/public) activity I like I'll say yes just to go, and the guy can audition while I enjoy myself. Honestly a lot of the men turned out to be trash anyway and we only ever went out once, but I did have a lot of fun experiences I probably wouldn't have had alone. Honestly I have a better recollection of the dates than the guy who took me most of the time 😂😂

Men probably put most of their effort into the first date anyway and I live in a city with a TON of fun activities so it really worked out for me.

You’re not the only one!

im interested in so few guys and then a lack of interest on their part or other red flags makes me drop them quick. Life is too short to spend with people who don’t make you happy.

while I don’t outright tell any guy I am seeing other guys too, I pretend I am anyway In a vague way.

i know that they are actually competing with my peace of not having a man in my life who makes it worse as that is usually what the outcome would be. just being vague about “I’m not available saturday, I have plans” or something like that drops the hint that my time is in demand and I don’t feel bad about doing that.

For real. I work in a hardware store, am pretty easy on the eyes and am quite friendly and haven’t even met ONE person I like let alone have them be pursuant enough! Ugh!

I’ve had very little trouble finding lots of men intriguing enough to keep ‘in rotation’, at least for awhile.

But Im lucky enough to live in a fairly large city with a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on fitness, the outdoors, etc.

I’ve met people everywhere from walking on the seawall, the gym, to used bookstores and record stores as Im walking through the neighborhood.

I use it mostly for vetting, whereas more traditional dating is saved for the guys that prove truly interesting. I also diverge from FDS, cause I have no issue with the guys in the rotation also having their own rotation. They’re not far enough along with me for it to matter, and they’re as entitled as I am to keep multiple leads open.

Interesting point of view.