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Please go easy on me. I need to get this out so I don’t hold onto it.If I sound like a pickme I don’t care as I’m still learning.
So I’ve been really attracted to a guy in my friends group for a while. He was showing signs that he liked me and he was going out of his way in helping me with projects, exchanging numbers and always joining my social events. Last night in our group we all talked about dating and our experiences. Not once did he mention him already seeing someone. We were all out drinking in a few bars and I told a female friend that I liked our male friend more. She said she saw his attraction to me too. He’s a beta guy though, the strong and silent type ( I know) However, he was dancing with me last night, spining me round, holding me. Brought me drinks too. At the end of the night it was just us two and he just blurted out he was seeing someone that he really liked. I felt like I’d been punched. I left the bar and came home. He text apologising and I just gave one last message before the blocking came into play. Told him he was a dick and he’d led me on but good luck. BLOCK. I just feel so crap but not as bad as I’d of taken it in my younger years but still. It hurts nevertheless. So fed up with these fucking men tbh.
You don’t sound like a pick me hun, you sound like a normal human being experiencing hurt emotions from someone who deliberately mislead you. Lying by omission is also just as deceptive and manipulative as straight up lying. I think I may make a stand-alone post about this, but I have noticed that some FDS users seem to conflate the action/behaviour of “block and delete” with “numb yourself and suppress the emotion an experience has made you feel”. That is not the case at all! Feel your feelings, give yourself the space to mourn a loss. Just do it in a safe way that does not give control to the person who hurt you. The strategy FDS advocates for is to not let your feelings get the better of you, but to take stock of your situation and act self-preservingly on the reality you are experiencing. Point is, it’s normal to be hurt sis. You acted healthily by expressing your feelings in a safe environment (i.e. this platform), whilst taking appropriate action to preserve yourself (blocking him).
I feel you. You did the right thing to block. I don’t think any amount of teachings from fds can change your feelings it’s more about actions. I have blocked men recently who it has kinda hurt me to my soul to block them. Especially one who I would have fallen over myself chasing in the past.
This one likes everything I like, conversation flowed easily. Funny, liked the same tv shows I do, and is interested in my hobbies and has his own cool ones. he’s a mechanic who owns his own shop. which I think is super hot. he was the best looking dude I’ve seen in a long time too. paid for a Few nice dates and offered To buy me things off my Amazon wish list. Never tried to pressure me into sex.
sounded perfect but he disappeared for several days after initiating a text convo, answered a week later. No mention of another date.
So it hurt a lot but I blocked him after giving it a few days for him to maybe initiate something further. Saw he is still on the dating app we met on as well. Nobody has a good excuse to not answer a text for a week! i had to accept that he’s just not that into me and even tho he seems super perfect on the surface, if He had wanted to contact me or wanted to pursue me in a serious way- he would have.
Proud of you for doing the right thing even when your heart is breaking. That’s what integrity and staying true to oneself looks like.
In regards to feeling guilty about allowing yourself to be lulled into false safety (that’s what I felt from your post) - don’t beat yourself up. Trashy men come in all shapes, sizes and colours - just read Why Does He Do That? by L. Bancroft. He may not have reached the threshold for being an abuser, but you catch my drift.
I don’t know what I’d do without this platform. You Queens really are a blessing! Thank you for all your comments. I find this place so therapeutic. I actually feel proud that I brought myself some nice to eat last night and a little cry on the bus home. I really didn’t want to keep it in but also be kind to myself at the same time. I’d of drank myself into an oblivion in the past lol! Thank you ladies. I’m being kind to myself today x
Ladies, I get that there are some women who will abuse and manipulate a situation for attention or some sort of gain. Pick mes are abusive from either gender. I wouldn't be blaming and shaming yourselves if you are honest. I would be blaming him for being dishonest and disrespectful to your limited time, and manipulative to his unknowing partner. Society is putting the responsibility on the victim/ survivor. All abuse needs consistent accountability permanently through future generations also.
My only query is now, if there are so many of these types willing to be dishonest in every way, where are they all going to suddenly disappear to in the future? Coz I don't believe these types truly improve themselves, not for very long anyway until the mask falls. Trust your gut, not manipulation of any kind. I'm never taking a chance on any one of these types again, they always lie. Small lies are not jokes. They always lead to bigger lies and there's so many of these abusers.
Every time you put yourself and your time first it reinforces those new neural pathways we are all learning. This is generations worth of deprogramming. Not easy! You are doing wonderfully and should be very proud of yourself for this achievement.
Sounds like you would’ve been settling anyway. Beta, silent? Nah. Those guys get boring fast. I think he needs the validation from other women because he knows he’s not good enough to hold onto whoever he’s with. Be glad you’re not her.
Claims he’s seeing someone he reaaaaaally likes (read: wants to bang), spends the evening with you doing what he should be doing with the girl he reaaaaaaaally likes. What a scrote. I wouldn’t have wished him good luck. Just block and delete next time (unfortunately there’s always a next time)