Psychology behind attraction?

YAAAAAS I totally identify with this. I know FDS principals are against age gap relationships. I've never actually been in one but I have been highly attracted to men old enough to be my dad. I have a completely normal, healthy relationship with my pops.

When I was 14 I had a major crush on Christopher Walken. I used to rent The Prophecy movies at Blockbuster all the time. These days my attraction to Christopher Walken has died down a bit, but I still drool over actors who are my dads age much more so than my own.

And I totally dig the serious/stoic thing too. There's this man I see on the train sometimes, he's a sheriffs deputy in his early 60s, and he's got it. I think they call it command presence in the police academy. I've written about command presence before - I can't get enough of it because it's so damn sexy. I work in a building where there are sheriffs deputies milling around all the time, and none of the younger deputies have it. Whenever I see this older guy on the train I feel a jolt of electricity go through my body. This man is twice my age, and I am ten times more attracted to him than I am men my own age.

I came up with a theory last year when I started exploring feminine embodiment. I have a deep, primal need to be taken care of. The only man who ever took care of me was my father. The men my own age never did. Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to older men. It might be different for you though if you never knew your biological father. I feel like if you're gravitating towards guys in successful fields like finance/business it could have something to do with a need for security. Which is also a primal need of ours as women.

I think in addition to what someone else said about recreating patterns, you also go for what you lacked in childhood. So for example, if your father never complimented you, you might crave a partner that gives you a lot of compliments. In this case, if you didn't really have a stable father figure in your life, only these chaotic types of men, it sounds like you're describing an attraction to an ideal father-like figure: an older man who appears to have his life together and is stable (I would say suit-and-tie plus serious/stoic is like that stereotype of a man who knows what he's doing, isn't too erratic/overemotional, is stable, etc).

If you lacked a stable male figure in your life growing up, it makes sense that you are both trying to go after what you lacked and then recreate the pattern to try and get some sort of closure/healing through that.

I'm still parsing out what my relationship with my father was like, but I think I do the same. I find I go for men who are like what I wish my father was like but then simultaneously end up in these weird situations with men that feel very surface level or like we both aren't fully expressing our desires, which doesn't surprise me entirely since my father found it difficult to express certain deeper emotions (as most men do anyway).

Maybe an actual psychologist will come and answer this eventually, but from what I understand people try to recreate patterns learned in childhood. You look for something familiar, whatever that may be, even if you know it's not good for you. If you have a set "type" it's definitely worth looking into repeating patterns you see playing out in your adult relationships.

I think psychology tends to focus too much on our childhoods, and not enough on social conditioning. My dad was an engineer and was a very stable figure in my life. He dressed in nice slacks and a button down or polo, but he was definitely not a suit and tie guy. But I've always wanted the same thing you did- suit and tie, tall dark and handsome (you didn't mention the latter, but I'm assuming). I've always been a fan of older movies, so I think that's where I get it from. Maybe if I watched more Seth Rogan/ Adam Sandler movies I'd be okay with the options I've been getting lately, but I'm not.

I always go for looks, I have a very specific type that luckily not many other people find attractive lmao. Tall, very very thin, not much muscle, angular face and a small, perfect nose. When it comes to personality, I want a man who can take care of me emotionally and give me a sense of security as I was quite ill when I was a child, I’d get migraines so frequently and my parents were working so I would lay there alone and cry at home being in immense pain. I don’t blame my parents, they did what they had to do to give my brother and I the best, but it gave me serious abandonment issues. My husband always cancels plans w others and stays right next to me now if I get a migraine bc I always get a panic attack with it; just remembering how much pain it brings me. He also makes sure he’s with me for my monthly transfusion bc I’m really scared of hospitals still. Also, I don’t really like men who are more intelligent than me, or think that they are.

Both genetics and environmental factors. We can't control who we're attracted to due to genetics. And the media we consume and our childhood experience shape our preference.

However, love and attraction are two completely different things. Attraction is feelings, while love is a socially constructed concept. You get to define what love means.