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If you've seen my previous post, I've been using dating apps to practice my instincts and today someone I've been casually talking to has started to give me the ick, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
We've been speaking in a language other then English and he's been making a lot of very basic mistakes(universal to any variant of this language) for someone who lives in a place where that is the main language. So out of curiosity I asked him if that wasn't his first language.
he replied with a "Yes it is why? I speak *this variant* yeah 😜"
me: You made very simple mistakes so I was just wondering
Him: Ahaha boohoo let's say that I just don't dedicate myself to looking over my mistake 😂" (made another error there)
Something about this exchange feels icky but I can't quite figure it out. Though a casual exchange there's something here that reeks of contempt? obnoxious vibes? fuck boy vibes?
For more context I'll add that before this conversation, his tone did not give me that same ick factor, but here are some other potential red flags I'd like your thoughts on:
- within a couple of messages he asked to move off the app and talk on more personal social media platforms.
- My first photo is one with a friend and he asked me which woman I was in the photo, I answered, then checked my profile and saw that I had indeed put a selfie up as my second picture which he then proceeded to reply that he couldn't see it :(.
- Every message is ended with a :) - messages are polite but hmm
- Within a day or two(that's how long we've been talking) he asked twice what I like to do in my free time, phrased the question differently each time, and forgot the previous answer the second time. After I then proceeded to ask the language question and that's when I got the ick..
I'm wondering if I'm overthinking this or if I'm smelling a snake from a mile away. I just can't quite figure out what it is but something is rubbing me the wrong way.
If something is rubbing you the wrong way and you don’t know what it is, it’s your instinct telling you to be cautious.
To me this guy seems like a liar, who can’t take criticism very well (hence the boohoo).
Also, if the correct grammar is important to you and he’s like „yeah, I don’t really care“ that’s a red flag.
Time to block and delete.
He forgot what your answer was to what you do in your free time within 2 days, that would give me the ick! That either means he's talking to that many other women that he forgot he already asked, OR he doesn't actually care. :/
I think your instincts are right. Also re: the grammar mistake reaction, he probably was just salty that you pointed it out so he tried to play it off lol
"- within a couple of messages he asked to move off the app and talk on more personal social media platforms." Yeah, a total no-no. That's like meeting at a party then after two sentences you go to a house. When I was on Tinder last year I insisted that I did video chat on the app. If they didn't, oh well.
It sounds like your instincts are ringing loud and clear... also too many emojis from a grown man would bother me... maybe later on when you're established and WhatsApping they are a cute short cut to every day convos, but not as a first impression?
The “boo-hoo” sounds patronizing like he is telling you that you are being petty(which you are not)
the “I don’t look over every mistake” he is trying to set a standard with you to make you overlook his mistakes as well. Like he is basically calling you uptight for caring about it and he is dismissing your question. And already testing your boundaries
You're probably getting the ick because he's clearly lying to you. He clearly isn't a native English speaker yet is pretending to be one. Not sure why, that's his journey, but this is a great sign that your instincts are bang on. This is the first red flag