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Today we woke to lovely weather for January so my son and I decided to take the dog for a walk. We met a lot of other people out and I vaguely remembered the guy with the small grey dog who we exchanged pleasantries with when the dogs sniffed each other. A couple of hours later we headed to a pub and a man smiled and said we'd met earlier on the trail.
He was my age, pretty cute and clearly in decent shape. We chatted a bit and then a bit more. He kept finding ways to extend the conversation and I was ok with that. We clearly had shared interests (we talked for a good fifteen minutes). He was meeting his mum and when she arrived and said she wanted to sit in one of the other rooms he hesitated then said he'd get her drink.
I had been open and friendly. I had asked questions about him and given more than basic answers to his questions but... no close. When his mum's drink was ready he took it, hesitated again and said he hoped to see me again. I smiled and said sure. And he left.
Old me would've thought maybe he was shy and probably would've put myself back in his eyeline. There were two exits and one was through the room he went into so I deliberately took the other one; if he wanted to, he would have.
It's made me reflect on how I used to act and I NEVER met a decent guy where I was the one to suggest exchanging numbers or meeting up. It was nice to realise I'm not totally rusty at flirting but fantastic to be free from the games and the wondering, I will never pursue again.
I've encountered some males recently that seemed interested but didn't "close". Former me would have obsessed on why, tried to find him on socials, tried to do more to get him to make the move, etc. New me donning my FDS shield knows that there's only two reasons a man doesn't ask me out: he's not interested, or he is but he knows he ain't shit. Either way, he's out of the (very shallow) pool of consideration.
Well done! This is true levelling up.
Totally in the same boat as you. This is the extent of my experience meeting men in person as well these days. They stare and will maybe open the conversation, but then leave it to you. Old me would have done the same and walked by or felt like I should have given him my number. Now? It's fun to have a chat and leave it at that. If he wanted to, he would.
Pursuing men only got me guys who didn't care whether I lived or died.
As you say, it's so mentally freeing to walk away from those encounters and not wonder what happened. He wasn't interested. Oh, well. Next!
I locked eyes with a handsome guy at the gym the other day. He was looking at me very sweetly, not checking me out. He started to walk toward me and I practically ran away! It's funny, because I chose this swanky gym in a nice area partly because I thought maybe I could meet someone (I know it's not the best way, but it's gotta be better than OLD). But the moment I realized he was going to talk to me I was flooded with thoughts of "he's going to make my life hell, like every other man has". I'm really in an awful position right now- wanting to date again, but terrified, traumatized.
Anyway, good for you for not chasing! Maybe you'll see him again and he'll close. If not, he's not worth your time.
I’ve had similar interactions with men. If they don’t risk rejection and try to meaningfully engage me when I’ve been responsive, I wish them the best knowing I’m not their dream girl
Majority of men that don’t ”pull the trigger” have girlfriends/wives. Or they know they are not good enough. But most of the time it’s the latter.
I once went on a retreat and a man didn’t reveal that he was married until day 3 of the 3 day retreat. I was so happy that I was reserved because he would have let me embarrass myself.
Also, beware of men that want to date you for free. If you were 15 minutes at the bar, the gentlemanly thing to do would be to buy you a drink before going to his mom.
I was in a club and a guy decided to talk to me near the bathrooms. He had ample time to approach and buy drinks. He sealed his fate when he and his friend followed me and my friend to the next venue but didn’t ask what we wanted to drink. A masculine man would have immediately asked what we were drinking and wanted to show other men that he was with us. Cheap and broke men hope you will buy your own drinks and continue to talk to them.
I am not saying this is a good strategy but now I always assume that attractive men talking to me are “window shopping” until they clearly state that they are single. This is also why I don’t like talking to strange men with little context- 100% of men that talk to me and have good social skills are already partnered or they are players. I would like to meet a man that isnt overly friendly or always chatting up women.
Best case scenario this guy keeps chatting you up and it works out. But no chasing is required by you, ever.❤️
Well done! I made a similar experience recently. Just leave it up to the man. If he wanted to, he would. Feels sooooooo good not to be the chasing one anymore. 😊
So happy for you! It feels good to just let things flow in life instead of chasing everything down with exhaustion, isn't it? I feel so much better in my life now that I've learned the art of (NOT) pursuing people in my life, whether that's a man or some other person through work, school, friends, etc. If people don't want me around, I simply take myself out of the circle peacefully. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, alrighty then, let me let you go then, love. <3
Men know what to do when they see a woman they want. If he wants you, he will come get you, even if it's later on. Good on you for trusting the process.
I love this post! 👏👏👏 Queen shit right here. 💖 Clarity and peace is what you have given yourself by accepting it’s not on women to ever pursue and/or make men want to get to know us.
My friend had a similar chatty encounter as you did here, but at a concert. The man was kicking himself for not getting her number before she walked off and mingled with others, and so he found her online that night using some of the details she’d shared to find her. He asked her out to dinner right away. She ultimately decided against going on a date with him, since he lived really far away and not doing LDR’s is a standard of hers. I love this unbothered energy for all of us leveled up Queens.
My fair lady, it seems you have a potential flirting acquaintance! They are fun, if nothing else comes from them 😉 The long game is a thing, despite PUA making us think a man has to make a move on you right away or he's not interested. I think we get so caught up in practicing our own dating strategies (for good reason) we forget to consider if what strategy a man is choosing to use (I mean we mostly encounter men w short term strategies, so it's easy to forget) Loads of guys will just acquaintance their way into your life and then express their interests- yes the nasty nice guys complain about the friend zone if this method doesn't work- BUT this method is far and away better than the short term PUA techniques we're overrun with. Now, I'm not saying to hold a candle for any of these men. I'm just pointing out how we're so fatigued from all the short term PUA dating strategies (especially if we've spent time on OLD) that we forget that the man you chat with before class could be using a longer term dating strategy. Spotting a man who's using a long term dating strategy comes with it's own vetting considerations