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I'm 28, and quite frankly I'm tired of waiting for dating to get better. When I was in my early 20's I thought, "men in my dating pool will have it together by the time I'm 25." At 25 I thought, "it will be better in a few years." Now, a part of me wants to believe that dating in my 30s will be more enjoyable, but given my history I'm starting to think that it won't. Truthfully, things get worse as I age...my high school boyfriend was more generous than the men I encounter now.
I'm a busy student who rarely get's outside my bubble so its difficult to meet men outside of OLD. OLD is just treacherous. A man I recently dated guilted me for expecting him to pay the bill since he is also a student. He said, "I don't have a job and I think in this era 50/50 makes sense." Gross. Then as a reason why he doesn't feel compelled to pay for dates he added, "There have been so many dates where I spend $60 on a girl and then it goes nowhere."
As discouraging as the dating scene is, I like to remind myself: High standards saves you from shitty experiences
As a 28 woman, I'm tired of being made to feel like I ask for too much from men. Please tell me it gets better in your 30s. Does the pool of HVM dwindle as you age. Will it only get harder?
The older women in the group like 😬
Sorry but honestly I think men have just in general gotten worse over time. i am 40 and even ten years ago it seemed to be the norm for men to pay for the date without question. Or maybe it’s just how it went for me. They were still scrotes but a bit less scrotey in general dating back to the early 2000s when porn became very easy and free to access.
i do think Reddit and other stuff like that has made men more toxic as they convince themselves that they are the prize. And then the rising popularity of bdsm(i personally had never even heard of it until around a decade ago) also makes violence towards women more normal and accepted In a sneaky way.
I think you can meet a hvm at any age but it requires some luck. In the meantime fds does help you avoid their manipulations of women as they evolve to find new ways to screw us over, and it can help you to be happy without a man in your life. Once you realize how much a lvm can ruin your life you may be less interested in dating. And more interested in making the other parts of your life better.
Girl are we twins?! Because I feel the same exact way. I’m a 28 year old Med student. Just like you, I am not very free to go out often, so I rely on online dating. It is DUMPSTER DIVINGGGGGG in these dating streets. Lol I decided if I don’t find a partner in 2 more years, I’ll just go ahead and do IVF and adopt. I am about to be a part of the Single Mothers by Choice movement because a life goal of mine is to have a child. Good luck to us! Lol
It gets better in the sense that I already learned shitty men are not worth the trouble, experience allows me to feel okay with cutting them off faster so they don't waste as much of my time as they used to.
And it gets better in the sense that I feel like life is good, that I have everything I need to be happy. Companionship could be a plus, but it's not a must.
It's not in our control what men as a group will turn into. A good man may or may not enter our lives. But it's in our power to better ourselves in whatever way we can, and do our best to avoid letting shitty men drag us down, so we would be good no matter what happens.
Sounds like you are already well on your way to being good no matter what happens - good for you, keep it up!
Yes, it can be tiring at times, but not as tiring as being stuck with a man-child and/or abusive scrote for years. I always remind myself "look on the bright side, it could be worse!" That's my mantra. 😆
I am in my early 30s and I would say it's better because you doubt yourself less and you have reached the "it's not me it's them" point
Men in their 30s start to doubt themselves a bit more too in my experience (or it is maybe a result of me doubting myself less hard to tell haha)
The ugly truth is that it might not get better. Facing that truth sooner rather than later can be liberating. It frees you to live your life for yourself. It sounds like you're already pursuing a great career and that you're going to contribute something of value to this world. Let that be your compass. No man is worth endangering your peace or your mental health. You build the life you want. You cultivate deep friendships with women. You pursue your passions. You do whatever fills your heart with joy. And IF a great man comes along who loves you and enhances your life, that is a bonus.
As women get older, we get smarter and deeper while the men around us regress or never grow up at all, content to remain man-child Peter Pans who romanticize the past and create empty lives devoid of emotional connection. As women get older, we get better. Men do not get better. And that's why we find ourselves in this sad situation of searching for men who cannot love us and cannot meet us where we are.
I'm 43. It doesn't. Sorry.
yes and i don't care because my life goal isn't to be in a relationship.
Let me shine some hopeful light here.
It gets better in the sense that YOU get better. YOU become smarter, wiser, and less likely to get abused again like you have been when you were younger and more naïve. You're more likely more educated, have more money, and more fun in general thanks the previous point. You're more likely to have forgiven yourself and gotten over traumas and learned to be happy again. You're more open minded and more open to learning.
And when you yourself level up, the better the people you naturally gravitate to, and the more likely other leveled up people come towards you. This means more opportunities to meet HVM. It should not be your #1 life goal, because ultimately, you and your life and your happiness comes first. But HVM naturally hang around with other HVM and HVW. Check your surrounding; what's the social scene where you're hanging out is like? If it's low quality, naturally the people in it will be LV. Be discerning on where you choose to hang out and who you choose to hang out with.
He’s lying. If he doesn’t spend £60 on you, then he didn’t spend it on the other women. I met a guy once who refused to buy me a drink because 3 women before me he bought drinks for rejected him. I thought, “even if that’s true, you’re an idiot. You’ve just cockblocked yourself.”
As a 18 year old whose already has several bad experiences I really hope my fellow queens say yes (as in it gets better) because I am TIRED
The problem was you were using online dating.
It gets better the moment you realize that you do not have to internalise other people’s bad relational behavior. The biggest lie we are sold is thay if you keep having bad experiences, you need to “choose better” and simultaneously lower your expectations.🤔No, you need to take off the rose colored brainwashing glasses and acknowledge that there is a high quantity of “bad faith” actors in the world.
Its only depressing at first but then life gets awesome. Or at least it did for me.
It gets better in that you go only go on nice dates or you go on no dates. And it gets better in that you truly own and believe that your own company is better than mediocre company.
sorry, but it doesn't get better
I had that same mindset when I was a teenager like 18. I thought I'm gonna wait till I'm 25-30 and surely all the drama between both family and men will get better. Surely older mature men will be more mature. I'm 30 now and LOL no on both accounts. Even I don't feel mature at 30 either but wow has it been a disappointment. If I have to find dating fun I'd have to be drunk, on all kinds of drugs and out of my damn mind to think it's fun.
I am 32 and have been thinking the same for quite some time, and it hasn’t changed unfortunately.
I'm only 22 and never dated anyone, but to be honest I don't even see how a "HVM" is really worth dating. Is there anything a man can give us that we can't give ourselves?