Please beat some sense into me

If you're already thinking of him nonstop and he seems to meet all your criteria, go look up concepts like mirroring, love bombing, and narcissism by Dr. Ramani on YouTube. I'm not saying the dude IS a narcissist, but this was always the first red flag for me being swept away on illusions, if I thought he already met all my criteria and found that I couldn't stop thinking about him and putting him on a pedestal. Just please prepare yourself JUST in case and don't be caught unawares.

if it's obsessive and intrusive thoughts 24/7 then you might be a limerent like me, yay! Maybe some of this info on limerence is relatable to you?

• "Obsessive thinking about a person. You can’t eat, sleep, or concentrate at work

• An irrational positive evaluation of a person’s attributes (i.e. putting him or her on a pedestal or making him or her out to be absolutely perfect)

• Emotional dependency. You feel you need to be around your partner all the time. It hurts when he or she isn’t by your side.

• Longing for reciprocation. Euphoria or despair occurs depending on whether your intense feelings are reciprocated " https://www.selfhimprovement.com/blog/selfimprovement/love-lust-and-limerence

The euphoria is from your LO affirming an emotional bond with you, and the despair is when he does not reciprocate feelings or like when you find out a LO is not single

Limerence is dangerous from an FDS perspective because: "attractive characteristics are exaggerated and unattractive characteristics are given little or no attention ... [creating] a 'limerent object'". You may ignore red flags or let a LO cross boundaries and break your standards. But if you figure out something about him that makes him highly incompatible with you that could kill it "Only if the limerent object were to be revealed as highly undesirable might limerence subside".

What helps me get back in control of the intrusive thoughts is reminding myself that I am objectifying this person. I am turning them into a perfect fantasy partner in my head and that is not fair to them. And I kinda tell myself that I'm being creepy and to leave them alone! I am mindful of how my mood is near this person and tell myself to knock it off or do something to distract me. (Getting the despair/euphoria under control by being aware of it being a symptom and that it's not a healthy attachment to this person basically) If I were in your position where he wants to court you I think I would be strict on going no contact as soon as a red flag or incompatibility shows up. If he does happen to be mr. perfect then limerence fades in 2-3 years from relationships.

U can read lots of forum posts until ur sense kicks back in…. U can start with asking yourself what u are lacking in life that u need in that man that u are head over heels over? Is he adding what u want him to add to ur life? Or are u just romanticising his potential? U might be gaslighting urself, instead u might need a better understanding what lifestyle and values u are looking for

Maybe you still need some time to yourself? Unless you're just one of those realllllly excitable people, I know I am. I'd say try to stop using things which gives you easy access to him as much, like try to hide your phone from yourself at home and set firm boundaries with him. Like limit texting to weekends or something and stick to it. I'm pretty sure what you're experiencing is the honeymoon phase, I've experienced similar things with shopping (I've resorted to only buying things after a month & they're discounted) Unless it's Tj Maxx; damn them. You see I just had to HAVE that sketchbook I truly believe we can create a stupendous life together!!). Jokes aside you don't need anything beaten into you.

Just like oppossum my possum, limerence alarm bells were going off as soon as I read your post. I am just coming out of a limerent experience that affected my life for years. His clear rejection just saved you so much pain. I'd distance myself and go no contact and do some inner work about why you become infatuated and obsessed. Often, unavailable men and men who send mixed signals create this kind of reaction but you must do inner work to be more immune to the attraction to these types of men who activate you. The obsession feeds a need inside you. You want these men to meet a need that you must meet for yourself. Check out Living with Limerence website and Lucy Bain's work at Neurosparkle.com. Also check out Limo Life and healingloveresource on Instagram.

- look for red flags

- re-read the handbook

- whenver you catch yourself fantasizing about him, imagine you guys are in a boring relationship dealing with things every coulpe has to deal with and see if you'll be able to still put him in a pedestal hahaha

i think it's not possible to simply change your focus and not think about him. but you can vary the stuff you fantisize about.

Fawning is usually a trauma response to something that may have happened to you many years ago. Therapy could really help you out here and figure out the root of your fawning, and how to see men more objectively. I agree with ScroteFreePsyD as well about narcissism, this fellow could very well be a part of the dark triad and got you hooked just for his ego's sake.

I'm glad he rejected you. Not because of that simply, but because you get to get away from him before he REALLY damages you in the long run. Narc abuse is no joke!