.png)
Saynad's post of the FDS glossary inspired me to share this story.
I'm not sure if this is the correct category, but this is a first hand account of scrote nonsense recently I experienced recently while doing fieldwork (a dinner party at a friend's house), not a man I have in "scrotation"
I was at a dinner party at a dear friend's house recently where I got the chance to meet his roommate beyond just a simple greeting as we passed by, I'll call him Fry. Fry was acting a bit strange imo, vague "weird vibes" that I couldn't really place. He was lingering near me quite a lot, and staring occasionally in a way that made me uncomfortable.
At some point I made an off-hand comment like, "I'm glad I didn't do that, that would have made me feel dumb." And Fry said, "don't say that, you're not dumb," in this weird paternalistic tone (like he was trying to soothe a skittish animal). First of all, it would have been immensely regrettable and would have messed me up for days, so yes it would be dumb, and denying it felt like gaslighting. Second, I'm allowed to be dumb if I want to. It's a lot of work being the smartest person in the room all the time. Third, I didn't even say IWAS dumb, merely that I would feel dumb. Am I supposed to believe he cares deeply about my mental state when he can't even be bothered to listen properly? It was just so LOW effort and superficial that I just couldn't accept that he was just trying to be nice and empathetic.
30 seconds later he asked about my underwear 😂😂 I've seen this a lot recently, where a guy makes one or two statements that make him seem like a sensitive protector just so he can make an opening to jump into a sexual conversation. It's like, "I've put provider coins in, so now you deposit the sex here." It's often combined with virtue signaling, and it's usually just a thin veil for shitty behavior like the scrote in my story above. Like if you say one superficially caring thing you get permission to be a total dick within 30 seconds. Another example I've heard irl was "I'm sex positive so I'm allowed to call women sluts." And I'm sure we've all heard, "I'm a feminist, so allow me to explain why you are wrong women!
Performative Empathy can be even more malicious in the hands of a skilled manipulator, and it's a big part of what makes narcissists and high functioning psychopaths so charming. I'm happy to say I jumped up and left the room before he even finished saying "underwear." Teenage me would have tried to save him from his own base behavior, I'm so glad I don't feel responsible for his scrote nonsense!
You’re definitely allowed to “be dumb” or or to feel anyway you feel at the time
opening up to men has only made them find ways to manipulate me in my experience.
it’s ok, they are the wrong ones for jumping on any perceived weakness like vultures. it’s not cool that we have to find ways to hide our true selves knowing they are like predatory animals waiting to exploit us for having feelings
I loved the glossary there. I didn’t know a few things that I learned from it. I have a hard time keeping up with internet acronyms.
i hate when men try to assume where I am coming from because every person is different and they often project expectations that come out of left field for me.
I’ve told men before, stop translating what I say and just take me at my word. Say it once and then if they’re still condescending, irrational, weird… okay, bro has some screws loose.
I had a man tell me he was a feminist directly after telling me feminism was obnoxious.
I respond to men’s performative empathy (“you’re NOT fat”, “you’re beautiful”, etc. etc.) by stopping mid-sentence, staring incredulously at him for 1.5 seconds, and saying “Yes, I am aware.” (Bonus points if you manage to interrupt him trying to explain himself). Like he’s ridiculous for even implying that I would feel insecure.