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When I used to be on Reddit regularly, I started to notice on r/breakups that men would often complain about being blindsided by their ex girlfriends. At that time I thought it was unfortunate and cruel, poor men! Right? Today I remembered this subreddit and decided to browse a bit before finding one of those I got blindsided *sobs* posts. The comments are telling! One of them said that his gf of 11 years (yup, you read that right) blindsided and left him, probably for another man. Well no shit Sherlock, after being a forever girlfriend for 11 years she deserves a chance to be happy with someone else. Same thing happened to a man who had a 14 year long relationship. There are many other examples.
If I remember correctly, there was a post on another subreddit asking women why they blindside men and most of the answers were like:
"I told him I was unhappy and he didn't listen"
"He said to all our friends that I blindsided him when in reality I talked to him about getting a divorce a year prior to splitting up"
"I told him he needed to change and be better or else we would break up. Now that it's over I'm the bad guy".
I won't go as far as to say that there aren't some women who blindside with illl intention but honestly, can we blame them when men are like this? Most guys love to play victim, they say their partners didn't cOMmUNIcaTe. When hey get dumped, they say how they totally didn't see it coming! I know men like that in real life too; they spent years stringing along or downright mistreating their partners, but go all surprised pikachu face when said partner decides to leave without explaining anything. She already spent years trying to explain why you should treat her like a human being, you asshole! No wonder why she doesn't have the energy to explain anything now that she's dumping you!
Now whenever I hear some sob story about a man being blindsided, my alarms immediately go off.
Thoughts, ladies?
they think we are desperate for a relationship, desperate for a man - any man whi will give us a pinch of attention. "wel, i could be sleeping around, not being serious about this relationship, but here i am. i'm her bOyFriEnD. We are officially commited in her head, but i'm free to go whenever i find my dream girl."
they are so sure their girlfriends are never going to leave them because 1) they know these women are very insecure. they were insecure enough to be dating them in the first place, so why on earth would they leave, right? 2) they are lazy and don't want to be a good man and make their girlfriends happy, and 3) they think too highly of themselves. they underestimate us and think we'll be insecure forever.
but we level up and leave. that is the true element of surprise, ladies.
Haha, I have seen this too. They love to cry about being "blindsided" (after she tried to put in work to fix the relationship, but was ignored), and then the whole procession of scrotey internet psychologists marches in to declare her an "anxious avoidant", because surely the flaw must be an inherent mental illness of hers and nothing he did. Yes, she is avoidant... of assholes who mistreat her.
This article grasped the issue rather well, even though it's by a man, I think:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
It's not about the dishes. It's about the disrespect.
The amount of men who want to be babied, ugh. It’s such a turn-off. They’re the same guys who wonder why dead bedrooms occur. There is no such thing as blind siding a man. We don’t do it to them, but they damn sure well do it to us! (But after they’ve found their next woman, can’t risk living without pussy for a week).
Lol this definitely happened to me in my pickme days... Spent a year facetiming and being emotionally involved with a man who refused to commit. Told him several times that I wanted commitment but he didn't believe me because I kept picking up his calls and entertaining his attentions when he wouldn't give it to me. Told him I was fed up and didn't want to talk to him any more at the 1 year mark. He told me this was blindsiding him and he just wanted our affection to naturally progress and "we have our own little story". ugh! Lies...
For me the funny thing is when guys get broken up with and they think they have SO MANY OPTIONS. With young hotties. This makes me ROFL. Because THEY DONT. It makes me think of my ex. who was a p*rn/sex worker/whoever showed him interest addict. I am 34 years old and he called me a “spent moll (for anyone who is not Australian this means skank)” who just gets worse and worse and won’t be able to get anyone better than him. Now I am planning my wedding with one of the most eligible bachelors in my city who had been in love with me since we briefly dated ten years ago. And he (my ex) got taken for a ride by a 25 yr old sugar baby (who was a lovely girl) he always had wanted me back (to the point of giving me Chanel 2.55 bag, givenchy pandora, money, rent, blah blah blah) he lost. I won. And I took our dog. So who is the winner? I made his home beautiful, calmed him down, provided him with security etc. now he is on the brink of going to jail. and I am so happy/ healthy/ content.
I saw a post that went along the lines of "women think he will change but he won't, he think she will never leave, but she will". Thats how my shitty relationship went, I constantly tried to forgive, fix him, tell him things I was unhappy about and he brushed off my concerns, continued to treat me poorly, or only changed his ways temporarily before reverting back. Then when I finally left, he acted like I gave him no proper explanation and clearly did not see it coming. I think LVMs are too entitled to see their problematic behavior so when they get dumped they are just a poor victim who will use it as a sympathy story on the next woman.
The thing is that men don't LISTEN to women. Their words just go over the top of their head. But men DO take notice of action.
And so it goes like this:
- Woman tries to communicate with partner over matters in the relationship or practical matters in the home.
- Woman is ignored.
- After repeated attempts, she gives up the ghost and starts emotionally divesting from the relationship, starts getting all her ducks in a row ready to leave. She no longer communicates her needs/concerns about the relationship.
- Partner thinks:"Great, no more earache! She must be happy.
- Woman leaves/announces divorce.
- Partner says: "I didnt see this coming. I was BLINDSIDED.
This even has a name: "The Wantaway/Walkaway Wife syndrome.
Lmao I have an extra funny version of this story. I moved 700 mi away and broke up with the guy 6 months after I moved and he was still "blindsided" somehow. Like dude, there are 6 states between us and you didn't have a clue?! I was just worried that he'd delete himself from the census if I did it all at once.
Reddit is misogynistic garbage. Sorry, thats all I got
I've ended all of my relationships and when I look back I think they did something deliberately to make me do the hard part of breaking up - physical and/or verbal abuse and neglect of the relationship. If I had stayed, it would have escalated. The last guy I 'dated' I think hated women
What is blindsiding? I've never been in a relationship, but is it normal for breakups to come with a warning or something?
It seems like its less toxic to breakup as opposed to slowly pulling away.