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I was thinking recently about how while emotional commitment is very important to me- I don’t want to waste my resources on fairweather shit that is out there in abundance- marriage is not. I’ve been married, so it would not be a new experience for me, and the idea of planning a wedding again- as incredible of an experience as it was the first time around- that both reflects who we are and pleases guests making sacrifices to be there, it just doesn’t appeal…I want to spend my time and money on other things.
I would want to cohabitate (but with separate spaces to retreat to, to maintain independence, even if it’s just a personal room), and also file whatever paperwork was needed- health care proxy, etc- to ensure our legal protections, and I guess the one thing I would lose is the tax break? I’m not saying I’m against marriage, and if it was super important to my partner I would probably go along with it (but I’m taking that backseat of letting him or her do the planning, I don’t want that role again). But I just don’t feel the pull to do it- unless again, it was a meaningful long term tax break gain.
Am I an outlier in this community? Does anyone else who is FDS feel this way? I’m guessing it may be mostly those who have been married before and do not plan on having children, like myself?
I'm upfront and open about being childfree and have been for all of my adult life. When I'm getting frisky with a man and he asks what I like in bed, with a sultry voice I whisper in his ear, "I like it when a man has... a vasectomy." I must confess, this gets mixed results lol
No I feel the same way. I could get married if I met the perfect man but I don't want to live with anyone. I dont want kids either.
Yeah, I don't feel the need to be tied down to someone. I'm not against it entirely - but I also like to have my own space. And I don't want kids.
I think you can get married without the big party, to be fair you just need the "piece of paper(s)" to be secure financially. You could have your man invest in you in other ways, so even if he does turn out to be a POS you'll still have that yacht. I'd still live in separate housings even when married, because since when did boundaries disappear because of marriage??
Lately I've actually been wondering if making my childfree status clear on OLD isn't serving me, however. Men that want kids later still match with me, because they don't want children "right now." I'm not sure how to deal with this.
I think the point is that *the man you’re with should want to marry you*, not that a woman’s goal should be marriage. The point is to flip the script from “Women should want to get married” to “go out with a man who wants to marry you.” It’s *his* desire for marriage (to *you*) that’s important.
I'm 100% with you. I was married for 12 years to a wonderful guy and even though our divorce was civil and simple, I just don't want to marry again. For me, it was more of a psychological change I was not comfortable with, a psychological tied-down-ness. I currently live with a serious boyfriend and it works best for me. The reality is, as much as I like having a loving, faithful companion, I also like knowing I can just elect to leave that arrangement whenever I want and it not be a whole big thing.
But, on another note, even if you find the perfect guy, marriage isn't the end all, be all. People change over time, people meet and fall in love with other people when they don't mean to, etc. even if they are high value (they'll just be upfront with you about it instead of cheating on or lying to you and end the relationship before going down a new path). I have watched 2 of my sisters be devastated by their husbands changing course after 10+ years together. The guys were actually decent, but one fell in love with someone else and the other had a bout of cancer, he thankfully survived, after which he changed a lot and decided to go after some of his dreams and my sister wasn't into it, wanted to keep their life the same. My sisters thought that because they got married, that was that. But that's not reality, no matter how much you vet, no matter how worthy both you and the guy are.
So, for me, the end game isn't marriage, but rather just an arrangement that works best for me and the person that I love. We hope and plan to stay together for life but if we don't, it's not that big a deal to me. But, again, I say this as someone who has been married before, am older, and already had a very full, satisfying life without a romantic relationship in the picture.
I am divorced and remarried. I didn’t do a wedding for my second marriage. Planning a wedding is so stressful and honestly it was not that great of a day. For my second marriage we went to the court house. Marriage does come with benefits, but weddings… Never again.