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This is a counter post to the post about women leaving their options open during marriage. This is not meant to put down or shame the original poster—rather, I would love to have a thoughtful conversation about the topic.
Marriage is a contract between two people. Sometimes things go awry and that contract must end. I fully support the notion that there may be a better man out there for a woman than the man she married. I am hesitant to agree with actively keeping options open, however.
There is a phrase that always sticks with me: “If he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you.” I know that OP was not explicitly endorsing cheating, but actively keeping options open may be doing so on an emotional level.
Logistically, if a woman wants to leave her husband for a “better” man, either
the “better” man was hitting on a married woman, which is a huge scrote flag;
the woman was keeping orbiters she knew were interested in her, or showing active interest in the “better” man in order to secure him after her divorce, which is not morally sound;
the woman is divorcing her husband on the off-chance that it might work out with the “better” man, though they have never expressed mutual interest before.
The third option is arguably the best, and I completely endorse that if the marriage has gone south and the woman wants out anyway. But to throw a whole marriage away, I would encourage the woman to be ok with the option of being single as well. There’s no guarantee that the “better” man is actually worth throwing away a perfectly good man, and I would argue not the best reason for divorce.
Ultimately, we want to be happy, and if in a committed relationship or a marriage we keep looking for a “better” man to come along, perhaps it is best to stay single until he comes along in the first place.
Marriage is not for everyone. You might not be the type of woman who wants a lifelong commitment. You might want to the option to leave for any reason, at anytime. If you know you’d leave in a heartbeat if someone better came along, then marriage is probably not the right fit for you. And that’s fine! Men will come, and they will go, or you will let them go. Live your life, and most importantly, be happy.
Regardless if it’s a marriage or not, always vet, of course. Watch your man’s behavior. Feel free to compare. Keep your boundaries, keep your standards. But also don’t be afraid to enjoy your relationship.
Fully agree. I dont think its HV behavior to keep your options open while MARRIED! The first rule of FDS was to be a high value woman, I think there is so many valid reasons someone can get divorced. If your partner end up being low or negative value after you get married, as sometimes men can act right until they feel you are properly secured, yes of course divorce. Being alone is preferable to mistreatment. You 3 scenarios are absolutely right, I just dont see a way that you would jump out of a marriage into one with a better man.
Marriage is a govt contract. I like the idea of having to renew it maybe every 10 years, like you have to your license or re certify if you are in a scientific field. That way both parties know that in 10 years time, if something doesn't improve or if promises in the contract were broken, then they can get out of the marriage. I think that's a more realistic take now that people are living until they are 80+ years old.