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Disclaimer: I don't know if someone else made a term for this phenomenon before me, but this is what I choose to call it.
During lockdown I was obsessed with Reddit story videos like r/relationship_advice & AITA. I would watch Markee, Mark, a little Emkay, even the TTS channels. A common theme I noticed in most failed relationships is the age they cuffed each other. Now, here's where the 'zombie'🧟♂️ part comes in: these couples all stayed together far past the expiry date of the relationship. A college fling five years after graduation, the first man she met after her divorce, high school sweethearts who have totally opposite life goals, and various other situations. That just made me think: why are you both still here?
It's a zombie 🧟♀️ relationship that has somehow stayed alive, despite one half (99% of time the man) being a total drain on resources and/or stunting eachothers' growth. I feel like subconsciously they are keeping it undead because they're both scared to leave? Or just don't wanna move on from the known and comfortable.
Women have been trained to see marriage as the ultimate. Being a girlfriend is seen as the audition for your self worth, life finally beginning, not being poor, world travel, etc (basically whatever your particular patriarchy said women can only accommoplish after marriage). So you end up with these extremely sad reddit stories where a woman is putting in work for a scrote who wouldn't pee on her even if she was on fire. And you're just screaming in your head that she should leave after 8 years no ring but also feeling bad at yourself for cringing because all women are raised to be pickmes by society.
----
I also believe social media ties into this phenomenon as well. In the past, a woman would get her first bf in high school, and then never see eachother again after graduation--there was a mutual understanding that life takes you on different paths. Now, with the power of the internet, that same couple that would be broken up in the past is now "long distance" and in a zombie 🧟♀️ relationship because "well our relationship is doing great so why would we let a few miles get in the way?"
Alright I'm gonna stop here but I'll end with this: It's the age and the stage that determines a zombie 🧟♂️ 🧟♀️ relationship.
I am the only single mom of my kids class of about 30 children.
I have befriended exactly one couple who are the parents of my kids friend. They are cool people and as I can see the only sane parents of the bunch.
the other moms I have tried to say hello and they are aloof toward me. I hear them talk and joke about “ahh yea this superbowl Sunday you know he is going to just sit on the couch and get drunk! I’m not looking forward to the cleaning I’ll have to do after all his friends! hahaha I need a recommendation for a good massage therapist before this weekend, i wonder if he will let me pay over 200 for one?” They laugh and laugh more about how useless their husbands are. “Haha he wants me to have another one. But he doesn’t even help with the first three!” The way these women laugh at those kinds of quips makes me pretty happy to not be tied to a man right now. it sounds like a zombie relationship can lead to 3 kids you aren’t equipped for and then having a 4th because..fuck it, you already went that far with the guy anyway! And he really wants the fourth ugh.
seems very much like cope and I have heard a few say they have been with their husbands since high school. Sounds like the men they depend on are only good for a bit of financial support and that’s about it.
”Zombie relationship“ is a fitting term. It’s also applicable to other areas of life, like work.
Change is scary. It’s natural to be drawn to what feels comfortable and secure. Even if it’s actually hurting you.
It’s sad to know that so many women either don’t leave at all or suffer for years because they believe that having a man and hating life is better than having no man at all. Or, they are afraid of being alone.
Life is short and far too precious to be wasted trudging through the day with a partner you can’t stand.
>Being a girlfriend is seen as the audition for your self worth, life finally beginning, not being poor, world travel, etc (basically whatever your particular patriarchy said women can only accommoplish after marriage).
The tragic irony here is I've seen far more instances where partnership with a man only made the woman MORE poor and LESS likely to leave her hometown, let alone see the world.
OMG thank you for coming up with this term. I ended up at a party where my ex friend (pickme) and her long term bf also attended. I can’t believe they’re still together, especially when she initially used him just for a ONS. But according to her, since they endured Lockdown, they’re used to long distance. This helps apparently since they’re now both in jobs that involve A LOT of travel (she’s a flight attendant).
But I swear her bf was nicer and more respectful to me (basically a stranger) than to his own gf! Why are you guys still together? You clearly never see each other nor care about each other and always bickering. They probably can’t even tell me what day is each other’s birthdays. Then again, my ex friend is also a model so maybe he's just using her as a handbag/trophy gf which is horrible.
But yes, zombie relationship is the perfect way to describe these kinds of relationships.
I was in one for four years. I was taught to just "survive" through everything. I did not have respect for myself, no boundaries, and accepted that my partner treated me poorly in every way possible. Never again, thanks
Agreed. High school sweetheart relationships ALWAYS (and I mean always) will eventually include cheating. Yes, even in the 1 rare unicorn one I know that is the exception to the rule, they both cheated (her first). Wives usually have ZERO clue bc they refuse to look through his phone etc.
And cheating is a dealbreaker for any self-respecting woman. Chump Lady is full of these stories.
I'll go a step further and say that by feeling bad about cringing over these zombie relationships we're actually managing ourselves out of an excellent way to condemn/reject that relationship dynamic. That the zombie dynamic has become popularized because we feel bad for judging another woman
NO cringe and judge the hell out of a woman making a fool of herself as a forever girlfriend!