Need to make a decision about my boyfriend’s infidelity

Dump him immediately.

"I think he is committed to improving the situation and building back the trust"

Nope. He isn't.

You deserve to trust the guy you're with, not wonder what he's doing with his "friend" when you're away. It's only been 4 months. Drop kick him into the sun

I didn't read your post, sorry, but the title alone tells me that you need to leave him NOW. Boyfriend and infidelity in one sentence is a no no.

Every man says he’ll change and that he means it when he’s in the dog house. He’ll say anything to regain access to his free p*ssy subscription (you). I very much believe he’s lying and that he slept with her. It’s easy for them to lie.

Spoiler: as soon as you forgive him, he’ll forget everything he promised you and go back to doing what he wants when he wants to.

Additional spoiler: most men, but especially LVM, are ruled by proximity. As in they will have sex with whatever woman is physically closest and most available to them. If he can’t be faithful when you’re only away for weeks, he can’t be faithful period. You sound young, it’s going to be hard to find a young man that doesn’t secretly or overtly desire hookup culture.

Come on, girl. Do better.

Tough love time: why would you see yourself 'together for a long time' with a man who doesn't care about you, and shows how little he values you by cheating on you?

'Going to change' does not equal 'has changed'. But let's for a moment humour him, and assume that he has indeed made measurable, tangible changes. Where is the concrete evidence showing this? Because all I'm seeing here is pretty words, which mean absolutely nothing. And quite frankly, if he was really that sorry he wouldn't have done it in the first place. 🙄

Reassurance is literally worth dirt. Remember that.

It's way easier to leave a relationship after four months than years where the broken trust accumulates and causes so much harm to you.

If you really can't decide now then take three months and focus on yourself, don't have contact with him. Things will be clearer.

The title of this post and the first sentence say more than enough to me. Why would you sink more time into a guy who doesn’t give a flying fuck about you and has already treated you like shit this early on?! He sees you as an easily manipulated free pussy subscription. For the love of all that is good, shelve your emotions for a moment and look at his real life actions and stop listening to the words. Have some self-respect and dump this trash scrote. Side note: imagine if it were your daughter telling you this situation. Would you encourage her to gaslight herself and be a spineless doormat to this manipulative scumbag? Of course not! Now apply that mentality to yourself.

How old are you? Maybe you're young but girl, you've only been together for a short time and he already cheated. Imagine what will happen 5 or 10 years from now. Are you seriously thinking of working this out? Really? Nah. Dump him, do better and honestly take time off dating.

If you're even considering to forgive him means that you're not ready for a relationship and things will only get worse and worse for you.

Cheating is abuse, and where one form of abuse exists, others do, too. If you stay with him, expect financial abuse to start. My ex left me in over $40,000 of debt and with a car repossession on my record. I didn't know about ANY of this. When I found out he begged for forgiveness and even got a lawyer to write a postnup that was very much in my favor. I didn't find out until later that he got that lawyer by taking out MORE loans in my name. And don't get me started on the physical and emotional abuse. Cheaters get off on deception, power and control. Also, I don't believe for one minute that all they did was kiss. They've gone all the way before, why wouldn't they this time? And I don't think he's telling you because he feels guilty, I think he wants you to dance, baby, dance! You need to get on Chumplady ASAP.

If drunk words are sober thoughts, what are drunk actions?

Break up

Hell no. Drunk actions are sober actions.

i recently dumped a LVM and he cheated on me constantly emotionally. its SOOO not worth the doubt and betrayel. Love is loyalty and this is not that

Girl what? Once a cheater always a cheater. He is Negative Value trash that should be discarded immediately. Dump him, sis. He doesn’t love nor respect you. Find a good man, don’t settle for that worthless piece of shit. I know it hurts, but seriously. Snap out of it. He chose to ruin the relationship, not you.

I'm sorry, no. There's no coming back from this.

The biggest red flag is his drinking problem, number one; this can definitely spiral out of control and put you through some very dangerous situations in the future. Not to mention he is way too promiscuous and can also put your health in danger because of that. Second, he keeps women in his life whom he's had sexual experiences with and then tries to play them off as "just friends". Heterosexually-inclined men and women cannot be friends for the most part, and when you add previous sexual encounters between them into the mix, its all around an ugly situation for everyone involved.

It's only been four months and he's already cheated on you. The first six months is supposed to be a test to see if a real lifelong relationship can be created between two people, and so it is crucial to be on your best behavior. Cheating is pretty much the opposite of that. He failed the test. This is a deal breaker and it is only going to get worse from here if you do decide to stick with him.

Dump him. Four months in, and he’s already cheating? No f*cking way he’s serious about you. If you let him back into your life after this, he’s gonna take it as you’re okay with him doing whatever. I know it seems harsh, but you need to block, delete, and move on. It will protect you, and you’ll teach him a much needed lesson that you’re not a joke.

It's a really bad start for a new relationship. It can only get worse from here. That he blamed it on the alcohol is not good either, you don't want to date an alcoholic. Also, I have some experience with "exes". He's not over the ex. They have an attraction. The fact he "doesn't want to" act upon it means nothing (he already did it). You don't want that kind of baggage. Also, the proximity thing. When a man cheats you while you're away, it makes you really insecure. You learn to limit your movements to keep him. And with time he can blame you ("you weren't there!") just like he's blaming alcohol now. This isn't really about cheating. It doesn't matter if he's a player or just immature. Personal responsibility and self control are MUST HAVE for an adult man.

Once a cheater always a cheater. If you go back to him, he will not have respect for you because he never did to begin with but trust me if you go back, this is his green light to continue cheating on you. Block him and delete him. You don’t need to make a decision because he made that decision for you when he cheated on you. This drunk excuse is such BS. Men will never learn from their actions if the consequences are not severe. Also, cheating already after 4 months is a disaster!!! Dump him now. You are not in love with someone you literally just met yesterday. He will cause you pain and agony for years if you went back to him. You can do better queen than an alcoholic cheating scrote.

Your boyfriend may regret what he did, but broken trust can never be repaired. You set a boundary in place and he chose to overlook it.

Set some time aside and think about what your plans are because things are not adding up. You better get smart quickly (no hate, just looking out for you).

-He waited until you were out of town to act trifling. I can guarantee they were communicating excessively during that period.🚩

-Blacking out drunk is not good to look at all. Does he do this often?🚩

-He called/texted you to tell you he cheated? Not even face-to-face. Coward.🚩

-He may have slept with her once but that doesn't mean he wasn't doing other stuff with her. Men can be very vague about what counts as sex or "hooking up" 🚩

-Why does he feel the need to drop his other friends🧐? Did they encourage this behavior? Were any of them planning on telling you? Did any of them reach out to you? If not his friends are not your friends Op.

Come on young lady, you can do better! You need to leave his ass and not show that this is hurting you, this will hurt him very much and just forget about him, he isn't worth a dime.

Seeking an ex is probably one of the worst red flags possible. It means they have not decided to be with you. You should not be doing anything with someone who is stringing along or getting strung along by someone.

How much would he be willing to do? Allow you to monitor his phone and movements etc?

Edit*** guys I didn't mean she actually do this - I mean she questions him to see where his line is and she'll find out he's not as genuinely apologetic as he seems. Forcing him to put his money where his mouth is to make it clear to her she needs to walk away by making him drop the act