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I originally met him back when I was 17 and he was 19 in college. He asked me to be his gf then but I said no because despite the fact that I liked him I liked someone else I was dating more, so I told him no.
Fast forward nine years later, he msgs me on LinkedIn expressing surprise that we were in the same tech field (different from what we both studied). Anyway he got my number and he started texting me daily. We'd go on nice dates and just gist. From my perspective we were highly compatible, same career, same zodiac sign(Aquarius lol), very progressive. I started to like him and I figured he liked me too. In the third month, he got a new foreign job which he had to relocate for. Then he told me that he would like to be in a relationship with me but he wanted to travel to the new country and settle down first. And that when he gets over there he'd buy me a ticket to come visit. (First red flag). Deep down I knew at that point he didn't want to commit. I finally blocked him when he forgot my birthday some days later (February). Even though he had asked when and I told him. That was 7 months ago. I blocked him everywhere (social media, LinkedIn etc).
Two months ago he messaged me with his new number with new country code and I blocked him once more. Early this month I had a really vivid dream that he got married which I didn't pay too much attention too. Yesterday I had this really strong urge to google him to see his face. Bear in mind I have not checked his social media or stalked him since I blocked him. The first page result of googling him was a wedding website. I immediately felt an ache in my heart which is weird cos it's been 7 months, why would I even care. Their 'love story' according to the website was that they have been long distance for 2 years. And met in person only twice. They got engaged the second time they met and now she's going to move with him to his new city.
I have felt shitty since yesterday when I found out and this pisses me off because why would I even still care about this person that was obviously a two timing SOB that didn't care about me.
They got engaged two months after I blocked him according to this website. And he still tried to message me after this? Scum.
Now I'm wondering if this was some form of revenge fantasy on his part for me turning him down when were kids. When he messaged me was he hoping to see my reaction or how I'd get hurt when he finally tells me he's engaged. I don't understand how someone could be so evil to attempt to string me along because I can't relate.
Lesson learnt; don't take back people you turned down in the past because they might still be bitter. Don't ever stalk anyone you've let go of. What they do going forward is none of your business. If I didn't google him I wouldn't be feeling down at the moment. Clearly I still have a lot to learn about FDS.
I just wanted to get this off my chest since I have no one around me to talk to atm.
You dodged a MAJOR bullet. Men like that need their fragile egos validated from outside sources constantly and engage in all kinds of discrepancies.
Maybe you're giving him too much credit to think he devised this long con to get back at you years later. I think he's probably a regular old cheating scrote, and it was nothing personal. To devise a plan like that would require him to think with his brain, and he was definitely thinking with another body part.
Once we all honour FDS and fully embrace it, we’ll never accept our second choice or “maybes” again. Only yeses from here on out! I know you feel down. I know it looks like a loss to you, but the real loss is his poor fiancée. She is going to have an unhappy marital life, trapped with a cheating NVM. My instinct is that you’re not the only woman he reached out to. The weird timing suggests to me that he cycled through multiple past women (contacting you after 5 months) and I’ll bet the timing coincides with either an argument with his partner or the anticipated commitment.
Hugs! I'm so angry on your behalf, what he did was absolutely evil, not only to you but to his wife, also. Do you think it's possible that you have old messages from him still so that you can send it to her? Even if anonymously? I feel like she has the right to know.
And you're so right about the revenge fantasy thing, something I've talked a lot about on here and FDS Reddit prior. Men NEVER forget the women who have rejected them in the past, whether it was outright or implied on the women's behalf. Men only take a woman back so that he can have the final say, and be the ones who reject her or dump her, and go on to feel like a macho man over breaking her heart. They really are that pathetic.
OMG I literally just typed out "You dodged a MAJOR" bullet and scrolled down and saw simonesays said the same exact thing.
I applaud you for the actions you took to remove this man from your life. Im so sorry you're feeling like shit right now after seeing his dumbass wedding page. Im hoping that feeling passes quickly for you.
I feel bad for the woman he married!! Leaving her family, moving to a new country to be with this clown?All the while he's messaging you and God knows who else?
I would try to find out who the woman is and tell her what happened. she might be completely clueless
Not an Aquarius!! Just kidding, I've always had a soft spot for the Aqua oddballs 😉 it's Virgos that tend to drive me batty for some reason /astrology tangent/